Radiance

Chapter Three

My conscience is clear, but that does not make me innocent. 1 Corinthians 4:4

As the sun followed its sinking course and the flies rose out of the tall grass into the humid air, Tamar sat on the fence of the unkempt field. The grass was waist high and had long since been cared for. She noticed the sweet, sticky smell that almost radiated from the field. The honey hives, she knew, could have something to do with it, but that wasn’t it. The smell was rougher, wilder. A buzz hummed past her ear and flew ahead of her into the grass. She watched the bee flit through the foliage jungle until it settled on a small but striking blue forget-me-not - then across to the foxgloves, hiding inside its bell, all except its stinger.

Tamar hadn’t noticed the flowers in this field before, but now they were all she could see. Her eyes drank the sight in with rapt admiration.

“Wow.” She sighed under her breath. The flowers were subtle but beautiful: daisies, buttercups, foxgloves and poppies, swaying gently throughout the forest of tall blades. It reminded her of her own garden at home, how she would love to see it grow as wild as this.

Ducking down out of the fleet of skin irritating bugs she settled herself on the floor, leaning back against the fence. A buzz brought her attention back to the little bee, distracting her from being annoyed that the ground was already damp under her legs. She absently picked at the daisies around her. Her hands worked without motivation but after a minute of her mind wandering she looked down to find a daisy chain sat in her lap. She smiled quietly to herself; it reminded her of so many summers by the stream with Sarah-Kay, watching their brothers build a dam. They used to attempt to divert the water to take a different course, just for the sake of it. Each year it had to be bigger, each route more complicated. And when the holidays ended and the autumn rain came, they would go down to the dam and watch the rocks be swept away by nothing more than water. Their labours of another year dragged down stream.

Again, the buzz of the dusk searching bee drew Tamar’s attention upwards. She realised how relaxed she felt, how safe. It wasn’t so bad, her lot in life. She had a roof over her head, and that roof sat in such a beautiful place. Why should she crave more? Why think there needed to be something more spectacular? She felt stupid for forcing herself to believe she’d seen something abnormal today. Had she been too desperate for excitement? Knowing the stars had started to glow in the deepening purple sky she thought it might be time to head back to the farmhouse. After all, the fire would already be blazing and the dogs would be pacing the kitchen.

As she went to lift the circle of daises over her head she paused, holding them in mid air. Her face contorted into confusion. She wasn’t sure she had seen what had just happened. Her bee had flown around the nearest flowers for one last check that the ground had been covered then circled up into the air to fly over the jungle below. As it had set its course for the forest to the left it had flown about three meters, and then disappeared. Not, Tamar was sure, into the oncoming darkness. Simply gone, evaporated. She couldn’t be sure if the light was playing games with her sight. But her sharp hearing she knew, would not be deceived. Not only had the bee disappeared from sight, but the buzzing had come to an abrupt end as soon as it was lost from view.

Dropping the flowers to her side she picked up a pebble and weighed it in her hand, staring at the spot where the buzzing stopped. Quickly, before she could tell herself she was ridiculous, Tamar threw the stone. Realizing as she let go that her left handed throws didn’t include aim – the pebble flew too far right and she heard it lightly rustle and thud as it fell through the grass and hit the overgrown undergrowth, she was glad her brothers weren’t around to see that. Finding another with her right hand, focusing on not taking her eyes off her target, she threw too hard and too high – another thud. This time, she took more time in selection and found a fallen apple a few feet away, grown from a tree nearby. Adjusting so she was sitting up on her feet she concentrated on direction and aim and rolled the apple fast into the grass. The rustle of the fruit through the grass and dry leaves was noisy and distinctive and then, gone.

It was quick but Tamar knew the apple had hit nothing. There was no sound of collision.

She fixed her gaze to the path the apple had taken and on her hands and knees, crawled into the grass. The plants under her hands were wet and patches were forming on the knees of her jeans. The grass below flattened forward as she moved and a gush of wind flew through the field, making her pause as the chill of oncoming night blew over her. Hesitantly, she looked around as far as possible into the wild foliage. Each hand in front of the other felt painstakingly stupid as she started again but necessary all the same. As one more hand went down, the tips of the leaning grass in front of her vanished. In utter confusion she lifted her hand swiftly into the air and the grass looked normal, but as she lowered her hand once more, it leaned and again vanished.

Tamar could see the flowers and leaves behind the leaning blades, but directly in front of her, this grass was gone. A minimal relief rolled through her knowing she hadn’t imagined the sheep that had partly disappeared today. Yet her heart pumped faster and breathing got sharper as the line of reality blurred obscenely. But more terrifying, she knew she had to find out what this was, no matter how foolish it may seem.

Delicately, Tamar slid her hand across the ground towards the anomaly, stiffening the rest of her body in anxiety. For a moment her hand paused, and then she shoved it forward with force.

Losing sight of her fingers Tamar whipped her hand back out as quickly as she’d pushed it in. She cradled her hand, checking nothing was missing, no fingers broken. Then, cautiously, she leaned in again, slowly gliding her hand through the invisible line. Her fingers simply vanished at the tips, then nails, knuckles, wrist, almost elbow. She flexed her fingers to check she could still feel them, suspecting phantom senses from her utterly perplexed brain. She gently brought back her arm still wriggling those same fingers. Everything appeared the same, except as she looked down her skin pimpled with goose bumps, each shocked pore making her hairs stand on end from the cold.

Whatever was on the other side had been warm. It had felt pleasant, welcoming – like going from shade into sun on a summers day.

Another gust blew over her, sending a shiver down her spine. She looked around at her closest surroundings. The grass still stood tall and forget-me-nots still swayed. All was peaceful. The darkness had closed in however and this two or so foot was as far as she could see crouched low. Glancing up Tamar could see the moon peeking over the trees of the forest and the upstairs lights of her house where her older brothers would be. She sat up and peered over her shoulder back at the farm. The lights shone brighter now, glowing squares in the dark. Many a silhouette passed the lower windows, everyone was gathering for dinner, settling down for a well earned meal. She chuckled lightly knowing Charlie would be following Sarah-Kay like a lost puppy trying to be useful, doing anything he could to be of help. The wooden benches would be scraping on the cobbled floor, sheep dogs flinching back at each screech as they edged towards the tables delicious scents. Then again, Charlie would pursue his childhood crush to the table, creating a space next to her that didn’t appear to have been there before. Sarah-Kay would search out Tamar’s eye then shrug not knowing how to respond to Charlie’s unwanted advances.

Tamar laughed lightly once more, then sighed and returned to her focus to the invisible anomaly before her. Not a great deal crossed her mind at this point. She knew there wasn’t much to consider. She crawled forward or she didn’t. She took this foolish chance or went to dinner.

“Why not?” was one of her quick musings, followed by “I have to know.”

Her right hand felt the grass once again, sliding through the blades inch by inch. Her nails evaporated, then fingers, then hand. She pushed down and found solid ground behind this imperceptible wall. She put pressure on it, leaned in on it, doing her best to ignore the delightful sensation that was the warmth trickling up her arm. She did the same thing with her left hand, securing it by testing the solid ground beyond.

She took a deep breath. Her body felt as though it could be consuming its last intake and urged her to fill every fibre of her being with air that might save. Her heart was trying to cram a lifetime of beats into that moment, terrified that what lay on the other side may not allow it to continue. Tamar couldn’t comprehend her fear. Her hands felt pleasant, secure. Yet her mind was going wild with possibilities and dangers. Her want for this knowledge was unyielding. So, with the deepest breath of her life thus far held in her chest, she forced her eyes to focus on the engulfing dark and threw herself forward, vanishing.