I made a promise i couldn't keep. I didn't know what else to do, Ripley remembers everything now and there's no doubt that she's gonna try to kill herself again. People ask me why i like her but i never told them. I don't actually know why i like her. I guess I like her because she's her and she's perfect. She's so beautiful and it hurts so much to see her in pain. I thought we could've started over with her memories gone but now they're back and i didn't know what else to do but promise her that everything will be alright. I don't know why i did that, i just don't wanna see her waste herself away the way she did before.
After weeks in the psychiatric ward and a shitload of therapy, the doctors diagnosed me with manic depression. I'm going insane in this place. I can't take silent halls with nameless faces. And i'm being watched 24/7 in case i freak out again. When that happens, we get sedated and strapped down in our beds. I hate it here, i just wanna get out of here and be with Ripley. She's the only person who has kept me half sane in this hellhole. She visits everyday and she looks better than she did before. The colour returned to her cheeks but she's getting skinnier and skinnier everyday. I'm really worried about her and i wish i could be with her every minute of everyday and in order to do that i need to make the doctors believe that i am fine to get out of this place.
But it gets harder and harder to do so when i'm not fine at all. I keep seeing things, things that aren't there and it's driving me insane. I need to remind myself they're not real and just be okay for Ripley.
The voices in my head are getting stronger. They tell me i'm better off dead and they're right. I shouldn't be here. I should be in my kingdom, 2 foot wide and 6 foot deep. I shouldn't be here, i should be dead.
