Dear [not inserting name for privacy],
Look, I know I hurt you a lot. I know I made your life a living Hell. I know I caused you a lot of anxiety for a long, long, LONG time. I know I annoyed you with how much I liked you. Most of all, I know how much pain I caused you.
But that was two years ago. I would have thought you'd have gotten over it by now.
I know I hurt you a lot, but don't act like you didn't hurt me. Don't act like you are so innocent, because you're not. You know that you hurt me, and you know how much you did. You hit me over and over again, then kicked me when I was down until I could barely breathe.
To this day, I feel like I can barely breathe when I see you. And it's been two years. I've been going to school with you for five years now, and two of those, you ignored me. You've acted like I wasn't even there. Never mind that I still get butterflies when I see you. Never mind that I would give anything to be able to talk to you again. Never mind that I lay in bed at night sometimes, and can't get you off my mind.
Even though I haven't spoken to you in almost two years.
To this day, I can't believe how in love with you I was. You were my first love. I loved you for two years, I sought after you for two years, trying everything I could to get you to like me, but you wouldn't. Then, I introduced you to my friend. It only took a matter of seconds and you fell for him.
That night, you came to my house with him.
It was almost as if I wasn't even there.
I cried that night, you know. The first time I'd cried in months. And why don't you know that? Well, simply because you wouldn't care.
You don't care, and you won't care.
You avoid me like I'm the Plague; like if you touched me, you'd burst into flames; like if you look at me, your eyes will fall out of their sockets.
Do you realize how badly that hurts?
You have a boyfriend now. You both have been together for over a year now. I'm happy for you, I really am! I will admit that at first, it hurt. Like, a friggin lot. To see you with another guy that made you happier than I ever could, who would never hurt you like I did, I'll admit that I was jealous. But over time, I realized that if it made you happy, it made me happy. And that was enough for me.
You cause me pain. Every day. I don't hate you, I will never hate you. You hate me, and your family hates me. I don't blame them... I really don't. I deserve it.
I just hope someday you'll see that I will always, always love you. You may have carved a hole in my heart, but that will always remind me of the mistakes I made. Mistakes I finally learned from. Lessons you taught me.
And for that, I am thankful.
Tanner
