Adorkable (BWWM/Plussize)

Forty Nine

April
I set outside on the park bench. I'd reached my limit when my English teacher started off that class by telling everyone how sorry she was for my lose. I just stood up and walked out.

I ignored all the eyes that stared at me as I went. The security guard tried to stop me but after seeing who I was and the look in my eyes he reluctantly stepped aside.

Everyone knew Jamal, even the students who he never spoke to seemed to be saddened on a deeper level by his death. They cried claiming that they were his best friends.

Others said they'd seen it coming. 'He was a drug dealer you know' they'd say in hushed whispers. Everyone seemed to have an opinion to offer about how or why he died.

All of it seemed to mix together into loud static in my ears. I needed to be away from all of them. But no matter where I went Jamal's ghost seemed to haunt me.

I'd been out side for about twenty minutes when I saw a familiar face coming my way.

"Can I sit with you?" Regina asked

"Are you going to start apologizing too?"

Regina shrugged. "Apologies aren't really my style."

"Then you're more than welcome to."

Regina takes a seat. For the first few minutes we sit in a peaceful silence. We both stare out at the green park around us and there is no need to fill up the silence with useless words.

I don't know how much time passes but eventually Regina pulls out a journal and a pen. I look down at the cover of the journal.

"All that we see or seem is but a dream within a dream." I say reading the golden words printed on the journal out loud.

Regina smiles. "Edger Allen Poe."

Regina opened up the journal and I saw that the pages were full of beautifully written poetry.

"I write when I'm sad or angry." Regina said.

"Which one is it today."

Regina looks back at the school. "Anger." She turns to look back at me. "You?"

"Sadness, that feels more like emptiness."

"That's one emotion I'm no stranger to. What finally pushed you over the edge?"

"Nothing in particular. Everyone's so nice and the teachers are so understanding. I just don't want to be around them. None of it feels real anymore."

"Word of advice, enjoy the overtly nice phase while it last. Eventually they're all going to expect you to return to the happy April they all know and love. As if pain has a set deadline and once you reach it everything is suppose to go back to how it was before."

"Nothing can go back to how it was before."

"No it won't." Regina agreed. I turned to look at her. I could see in her eyes that she was one of the few people who actually understood.

"You'll never be the person they want you to be and the pain won't go away. But you learn how to deal with it. Each day you'll grow stronger then the one before and then one day you'll look up and sadness won't be the only thing you feel." Regina said and her eyes locked on mine.

"But this is your pain and you have every right to feel it. Fvck them if they tell you other wise." She said.

I felt a tear slip down my face. I quickly wiped it away, but as soon as I do another one falls. Regina doesn't say anything as I let the silent tears slip down my face.