The Little Things: Return July

Chapter 5| Kenroy

(chapter five)- Not edited

Dear Mom,

It still hurt that I couldn't see you, even just for a moment or glimpse. But Doctor Harris inform me that your ok. I still have those nightmares of how you treated me but when I wake up grasping for breath or drench in sweat I always end up saying 'I still love you.'

I tried my best to isolate our past, to bury my experiences deep inside my heart but its hard when these scars are so visible. Its hard to look in the mirror because I see right through them. The pain, the tears, the scream and the senstation of almost death. I know I'm supposed to write happy thoughts but how can I when these nightmares are eating me alive.

I dare not be comforted or confronted because the people who I expect to care didn't give a damn from the beginning. Why now?

He's back like the sun blazing with a well perfect life and perfect family, why does he care now?. He has it all. He doesn't need us, were too broken to be fixed into his perfect life. I could care less his reason because his reason I will not elaborate on. I promise to be the perfect freak until I find someone like Doctor Harris who really cares and understand. Until then.

Your Son,

Kenny

I took a deep breath closing my journal that had 'Letters to Mom' on it that was written by my therapist. She suggested that since I couldn't talk to her face to face why not write to her and she will elaborate on it everytime we have a session. I thought it was plain stupid and only girls do such stuff, But it did come in handly. It was part stress releaser next to my playing the piano. But writing to her was like connecting to her more like 'Letters unread'. I look a deep and inhale the fresh morning glancing across the park where a familiar convertible drove up. I watch as the girl step out dress in combat boots, t-shirt and short with a camera hanging around her neck.

I watch her aimlessly walking down towards the lake snapping pictures peacefully until she settled by the small bridge that was above the lake starring down at the calm running water, probably lost in her own thoughts. Until she caressly lean on the railing not realizing that it was unstable part as she went crashing into the water screaming out. I heared her screaming for help. I quickly got up, sprinting towards the lake diving into water. I saw towards her as she went under grasping for breath and mumbling help. I reach towards her making the cool water caresses my warm body. I grip around her waist as she struggle fighting from grasp, she grab me frantically pushing me under.

"I'm trying to help," I shouted as I recognized that it was Samantha. I grip her and swam towards the bank helping her up as she cough frantically for air. I help myself out and collapse beside her grasping for air holding my chest.

"Thanks," She finally spoke pulling her camera off glaring at it dissapionted.

"Welcome," I said softly glaring at her, For some reason she look real and not the plastic barbie, I known her for.

"I didn't remember about the bridge, I was lost in thoughts." she said squeezing the water from her hair. I nodded and got up remembering that I had an appiontment.

"Just be careful next time." I said coldly pulling my hoodie up and started towards my spot.

"ok," she said as I walk towards the spot picking my stuff up and exist the park. I walk my way back to the house wet and uncomfortable. I reach the door to have it swung open by Kemar throwing his bag over his shoulder with an upset emotions, he frown at me until blonde came swiftly to the door.

"Kenroy, What happened?" she asked looking at how wet discarded I look.

"Nothing," I said pushing the door open.