Storytime

Chapter 17- Where We Go

Ryan POV:
Her screams pierced me like a sword, tearing at the inside of me. Yeah I told her. But that wasn't even the worst. After that, I can't bring her to her bedside. Especially not with... Oh god what if she thinks this is my fault? Shit! I should never have got involved with him. I should never have come here. Oh god this is all my fault.
Illeya POV:
I can do nothing but scream and cry. My broken body collapsed to its knees, its tears drowning me in sorrow.
"Hey sis please..." I block the voices out. I don't care about them anymore. I don't care about anything anymore. All I ever cared about was her. And now she's dead. She's dead. SHE'S DEAD!

A hand grabs my arm. The world spins as my surroundings blur into white. Nothing seems to exist except me and whoever holds me. Somehow, I feel like I hear Josie's voice in my head but I know it is just a delusion. Yeah. She's dead. She can't say anything to me now. But I keep replaying the words she said to me over in my head. And the words Ryan said to me. An accident? What sort of accident? As far as I know from... Further information, she was awake! She was alive! What sort of accident could kill her? What sort of thing would take her away from me? Or... Who...?

"Sis we can... We can see her now." A soft voice slips through my wall, causing me to shiver and almost hug myself. I knew I was weak but fragile? It's hard for me to imagine myself like that. In the other world, I couldn't have been stronger. On the outside. And now I'm at breaking point. On the inside and outside.
What do I do? Do I get up? No. I need to stay here longer.
A sick feeling emerges inside of me. I wrap my arms around my chest, squeezing myself.
"I'm not ready. I'm not ready." I mutter.
"But they'll be taking her to the mortuary soon." I continue rocking myself, clutching my knees to my chest. I feel arms wrap around my frail body once again. But they're not hers. They can never be hers. I shrug them off and I hear a large sigh as the space beside me is filled. A word, "sorry" is muttered and the footsteps recede.
"I know this is hard." He says. Him. My whole world is manipulated and I lash out, catching him across the face. I slam my fist down on the ground again and scream. What the hell was I thinking?! He's my brother! My brother for gods sake! This isn't his fault.
"I'm sorry. I'm so goddamn sorry. Oh god oh god." He wipes the blood from his lip and look sideways up at me. His eyes are teary and I tear my eyes away, afraid of myself. Afraid of what I am becoming.
"It's okay. I've had worse." He manages a small laugh.
"But I... I don't know what came over me. I'm sorry I..."
"I understand. Sis, it's really okay. Come here." My lip trembling, he pulls me into his chest and I sob into his chest, watering the thin cotton. My head spins as he rubs my back. I can't believe she's gone. I can't believe I'll never see those eyes again. I can't believe I'll never get to say that I love her. I can't believe how fast this world ended.

My shoulder is shaken by a hand.
"Hey." He says, kissing me lightly on the forehead. As I raise my head, I look out over my surroundings. I no longer sit on the floor. I am in a bed, hooked up to all these wires and monitors.
"What...?"
"You,er,fell asleep."
"No... No! They haven't taken her, have they?"
"No. Of course not."
"I though you said they were taking her soon."
"They are. But I told them to wait. They won't take her until..."
"Until I've said goodbye."
"Yeah."
"But what if I'm not ready?"
"You don't have to be. Besides, it's the middle of the night. Everyone's asleep."
"Josie's not." He sighs, placing his arm around my shoulders.
"Well, in a way she is. Just... Forever."
"That's what my mum used to say when I was younger. When grandad died."
"Grandad? He's...?"
"Oh. You didn't know."
"I'm meant to be dead, remember?"
"Oh. Yeah."
"What happened?"
"He's had a heart problem his whole life. We all knew it'd kill him in the end."
"Oh."
"He owned a farm. Chickens, pigs, cows, the lot. He even had his own little sheepdog. Well, I say little but she was actually quote big."
"What was her name?"
"Dorothy."
"After grandma."
"So, you knew her?"
"I knew everyone. I lost contact with them after the accident. Uncle took me away, isolated me and told your family that terrible story."
"My family..."
"Sorry."
"Hey, did grandad ever tell you that story?"
"Which one? I remember him to be a bit of a storyteller."
"The one with the sheepdog?"
"No."
"When he was a young boy, his parents owned the farm before him. They had a sheepdog too called Dave. Don't ask," he laughs.
"Anyway, one day, they let him take time off school for a training session with Dave. He had always wanted to do his bit on the farm and he had taken a liking to him. So, he had his whistle and he played around with the sheep a little. But, being his usual self, he had got his commands wrong. Instead of telling Dave to herd the sheep, he herded grandad himself. Dave commanded the sheep and they backed him into the pen. Dave sealed the deal. His parents never stopped taunting him about that."
"Was he always like that?"
"Of course he was. He was never one of the smartest."
"Do you remember that one about his fourth birthday?"
"Oh yeah! The one where he was so tired he fell asleep in his cake?"
"Is there any other?"
"Of course! There's always another. Oh, what about the one with the biscuits?"
"Which one?"
"Well, remember that day he came home and he'd had cooking and he'd made this massive tray of biscuits but when he got home, the tray was empty?"
"How could I forget? He was always such a fussy eater but when it came to biscuits..."
"Well, who wouldn't?" We laugh loudly. I hear an irritated voice yell 'shh' from part of the hospital. I stifle a giggle.
"Look I'm, er... Sorry about Josie."
"Don't be. It isn't your fault." He smiles sadly.
Ryan POV:
As those words pour out of her mouth, its almost as if I taste poison in my mouth. How can I tell her? She's already so broken. I can't hurt her anymore. And, look at those moments we just shared. I don't think I've ever been happier in my life. She was so carefree, even just for a moment. Even with all the latest, she's still fighting strong. I don't know how she does it. I'm so lucky to have her as a sister. But I feel so guilty. I need to tell her. But I can't ruin this. Not now. She needs her moment with Josie. Even if it is in the cold.
Illeya POV:
"You should get some sleep."
"But sis..."
"Look, I'll be fine. Go to your bed and get some rest. It's been a long day."
"I think long might be an understatement."
"Yeah, you're right. Even more reason to get some rest then. Look, thank you. For being here. You've been amazing. I couldn't have done this without you." He smiles and squeezes my hand once more before slinking off to his bed and sliding under the covers. I watch him close his eyes and I see him slip into that well deserved silent slumber. I'm happy for him. I am. But I can't help the deep sadness that emerges from the darkest part of me. I can't help the longing I feel for him to be Josie, for her to be in the covers beside me. For me to be holding her hand. For me to have her head on my chest, to stroke her hair and promise her things that maybe cannot be kept. For me to hold her, for me to watch her sleep, for me to fight off her nightmares. Her nightmare is over though. Mine has only just begun.

I spend the night staring into the darkness up at the ceiling. My eyes are blank and I am emotionless, numb. I don't know what to feel. There are no words to say. There is no one to say the non existent words to anyway. The darkness haunts me, makes the longing grow. Even though Ryan lies not even a few metres away from me, I feel more alone than ever. I never imagined how hard it would be to live without her here. I never imagined myself in this position. I never imagined it to happen this way at least.
A figure moves in the shadows. It isn't a figure I recognise at immediate sight but as it moves towards my bedside, I catch a glimpse of eyes I wish I didn't know.
"Joe, I..."
"Don't."
"I didn't-"
"Illeya, stop. I know what happened to you. I know why you weren't here. And its okay."
"Do you... Do you know what happened?"
"All I know is that my sister is dead and that I'll probably be dead in the next few hours too."
"What?"
"Whatever happened to her... I must've been in the middle of it. Next thing I knew, I was awake with a knife in my back. There's little chance of me surviving that, huh."
"Still a chance."
"To be honest I don't mins if it claims me. I've got nothing to lose now. She's all I cared about."
"What about tour family?"
"Not all populars have a perfect life."
"I know."
"How can you know?"
"Just trust me."
"I know you loved her."
"You did too."
"Maybe not as much as I should."
"I never even told her I loved her."
"The last thing I said to her was that I wish she had been adopted."
"I don't even remember the last thing I said to her." He sighs and places his hand on mine. For some reason, I don't pull away. I am too numb to react.
"Are you okay, Illeya?"
"The only person I ever loved is dead. The only link I have to her is dying. And I'm lying in a hospital bed staring at a ceiling alone. And you ask me if I'm okay."
"Stupid question. Sorry."
"Does that word even have meaning anymore?"
"You're right. It doesn't make anything better. It won't bring my sister back."
"It won't bring me back..." I mutter.
"Huh?"
"Never mind." I sigh, wishing someone knew the underlying pain beneath my strong exterior.
"Look she... She did love you. She would have waited forever for you if she had to."
"I promised I'd wait for her. I promised I'd be here when she woke up. I promised I'd tell her I loved her."
"We all make promises we can't keep."
"But I could have kept them!"
"You were in a bad situation. You can't blame yourself."
"But this is my fault."
"Anyone could blame anyone. We all have reasons to. But she's not dead because of us. We were her reasons to stay, the reasons she kept fighting for so long. She was alive. She was fine. I don't know what happened, I should have stopped it-"
"There was nothing you could have done. Joe, stop trying to place the blame on yourself. We did all we could."
"I didn't."
"But at least you were here." Our eyes divert from each other. Both of us are ashamed but neither is more guilty than the other. Before I know it, I am making the biggest mistake of my life. As Ryan's eyes flicker open, Joe's lips plant themselves on mine as he pulls my body forwards, crashing me onto his lips.