Reapers - Master of Souls (Reapers Chronicles Book III)

23 - Impasse (1 of 2)

I've lost who I am

And I can't understand why my heart is so broken

Rejecting your love

Without love gone wrong; lifeless words, carry on

But I know, all I know, is that the end's beginning 

Shattered, Trading Yesterday

It wasn't as embarrassing as I had originally thought. Confessing to Vincent, I mean. But letting the cat out of the bag, I knew things wouldn't be the same between us. Considering our current situation, it was going to get more complicated for sure.

Vincent hadn't spoken a word since Alex checked on us. He just drove and kept his eyes on the road.

The few minutes of silence I had to endure only ended when we parked in front of a coffee joint.

"Let's... grab somethin' to eat first," he mumbled, massaging his temples.

As he reached for the door, I caught his arm. When he turned to me, there was a hollow air about him. Immediately, I withdrew my hand, almost regretting that little slip of the tongue back at the cemetery.

Someway, Vincent had made one thing clear: Master and familiar should know their boundaries. As a child, he had seen what had happened between Alex and Sasha. And I could tell Sasha's death didn't broke just Alex. Vincent too.I guess that was what must have prevented me from realizing and admitting my feelings toward him for a long time.

"What I said earlier," I managed to say despite the violent pounding in my throat. "If it makes it easier for you to just pretend it never happened, p-please do so."

Vincent stared at me, his eyes searching mine. "I mean I... always kind of knew."

For some reason, my eyes hurt. I blinked rapidly and forced my lips to pull up before rambling. "I ruined it. What was I thinking? Everyone knows it's forbidden, right? Maybe it's this reincarnation thing. Ugh. Nowadays, I just blurt out the first thing that comes to mind before I could even start to think it. So just ignore it... when I say stupid things."

For a while, he didn't say anything. Only his slow, controlled breathing cut through excruciating silence that filled us.

I wrung my fingers, a swelling creeping up my throat.

Just when I thought we had come to an impasse, hesighed, "It's not stupid."

"Huh?"

His quiet bitter chuckle filled my ears.

"Aramis, you know who I am... What I am. What I'm capable of. And every horrible and evil thing I did in the past."

I let myself get lost in his eyesfor what seemed like minutes when I was sure it was just a couple of seconds. Green specs in pools of melted silver, warm, like windows into his soul.

"I think being able to love someone like me is the bravest thing anyone could do," he whispered, struggling to even out his voice. The edges of his eyes reddened. Still, he somehow managed to give me this sad little smile that made my heart ache. "Thanks, Aramis, for being brave."

His hand moved toward my face, hesitating at the last moment. Instead, he patted me on the head. I felt like his kid sister. Just that mere gesture was enough to make me realize how I wanted more. Much more than this. But that was asking a lot.