Smells Like Teen Spirit(kurt Cobain)

knowing kurt

Omg did he just say that?Like..does he want to know me better or something??And why would he want to be ALONE with me?
Me:uhhh me?
ku:yes you
He Said with a chuckle..he was pretty cute..no..waaayy cute..neither..he was hot and attractive.
Me:okay i guess
i say walking towards the couch..i sit besides him.
Ku:so uhh..Crys?
He said exhaling smoke..it looked artsy
Me:yeah but the real names Crystal but keep calling me Crys..if you want..you know..
Im so awkward
Me:and you are kurt right?
ku:yeah..kurt cobain
Me:kurt cocaine?
i said jokingly.He stopped smoking his cigarette..and he faces me...giving me this stern look.omg what did i just say?Im so damn stupid..from all the things..i had to say kurt cacaine.His blue eyes burning into mine.He stared at me for like 20 seconds..he had a super poker face, and out of nowhere..he bursts into laughter.
ku:kurt cocaine!
he said laughing..i laughed with him..but nervously.
Ku:i like that..kurt cocaine
He said thinking about
Me:hey i really didnt mean to offend you really
Ku:eh its okay...ive tried cocaine before
He said as he continued to smoke his cigarette.
Me:oh really??
ku:yeah
Me:oh okay
Ku:so..what kind of bands do you like?
i thought for a second..then i answered
Me:well i like metallica,acdc,who,queen, led zeppelin , the melvins ,aerosmith..
i looked his face and he had an amazed expression, so i stopped
Me:what?
Ku:you and i are twins as in music tasste
He said still wearing his amazed expression.
Me:you thinks so?
ku:well yeah, i love all of those bands, you have great taste in music
Me:well you too i guess
I said With an awkward smile.Typical me , the awkward one. He just chuckled.
ku:so uhh, Crystalll?
me:oh.uh Crystal roberts
ku:well i cant think of a drug that rhymes with roberts so youre just crys
he said chuckling. I just giggled
ku:nevermind that, back to what i was saying..what is music to you?
he asked staring into my eyes. I thought for a sec, i need to say this in the right way, i have serious problems with public speaking, it always ends up as a mess. I finally thought about something.
Me:music for me is the only thing that keeps me alive, its like my drug, its like a person that speaks to me and understands me, and with that a beat that touches my heart and makes my adrenaline go crazy..thats what music is to me.

He just stared at me with such compassion.

Ku:wow..i feel the same way

Me:really?

ku:well yeah, ive tried to take my life away several times, and music always seems to just keep me away from doing it, atleast for one more day.

Me:youre suicidal too?

he looked at me with a confused expression.

Ku:too?

me: yeah, well im suicidal, i mean i...

I stopped, i cant believe im openning my feelings to a stranger just like this. Im never this sincere about how i feel with anyone, just with Stan, and sometimes its difficult to do it even with HIM. I dont tell stan EVERYTHING , its just i find everything so personal.
I suddenly feel a hand on top of mine, i looked and it was kurts. He was rubbing my hand..omg....what the fuck? im probably shaking right now.

Ku:keep going

Said kurt very interested, like if he really cared, maybe he does. He kept rubbing my right hand. It felt really weird but nevermind.

Me:well uhh, that im suicidal and i have a ton of pills, like deppression pills, well, anti deppression pills actually, and pain relief pills, and um...aspirin and shit , and unnecessary pills, i just swallow like five to see if i can just you know, die, not that 5 pills are actually gonna kill me, i think i need a little more but at the sane time...im AFRAID of dying. I mean i know its stupid but, im not that sure if i wanna die. You get me? Well probably not.

I finished with a nervous chuckle, what i just said actually sounded stupid. He just kept rubbing my hand , it was sweet.

Ku:i do

I looked at him with a confused face

me: you do??