*Z A Y N'S Pov*
~2 Weeks Later~
Weeks added up with no sign of Jocelyn waking up, she has not once moved or gotten any better. Her body seems to be healing but healing slowly, I watch her chest move up and down barely praying she won't take her last breath. She seems so fragile, so delicate that one little touch she might break and I'm afraid that she might not last long.
Doctors have told me countless of times that this is a waiting game on whether or not she wants to wake up, I have this feeling that she doesn't want to wake up and have to face me after what I had said to her. How ungrateful and rude I was to her, would make anyone not want to wake up from this or be near me again. I wouldn't blame her IF she woke up and wanted absolutely nothing to do with me, hell I don't want nothing to do with me.
Louis had to force me to leave after one whole week of staying here without a shower, without brushing my teeth because I wouldn't leave her side. The deodorant they brought me and toothbrush just wasn't doing it anymore, I have no doubt that my eyes have dark circles rimming them with the sleepless nights I have been having, and I have no doubt that I have lost weight from the lack of food I have ate.
Its not healthy for me to sit here and put myself in a situation where it could hurt me, but I'm afraid to leave because something could happen to her, or if I eat I would just throw it up with the bitterness that feels my taste buds. If she would just give a small sign that she can hear me, that she knows I'm here would make a bigger difference than her not giving me anything at all.
I don't like the fact that this is the second time I have watched her sit in a hospital bed, and I was the cause of it. She shouldn't be treated this way, I bet she would go back to Tristan now seeing as she has no reason to stay with me. Why would she though? She'd be crazy if she did, and if she did I would never give her a reason to leave.
"Baby, please just squeeze my hand, wiggle your toes just something to let me know you can hear me or can feel me here. I miss your voice, and those beautiful brown eyes. God those eyes of yours always light up my day, when they glow when you smile. Ah, your smile don't get me started on that, your smile is everything. The way your eyes crinkle when you laugh, and your smile just grows with amazement. That's what I miss, baby but I miss you the most." I say to Jocelyn's non-responding body I sigh
"You probably can't even hear me, or you probably can and you hate me and want me as far away I can get from you. I don't blame you though, I hate me too. I'm so stupid for all those words I said to you, they were uncalled for and completely disrespectful." I whisper to her rubbing my thumb over her knuckles, "I love you, so much I always have and always will, if you wake up and want me gone I will leave and you won't have to see me again. You have gave me enough chances to clean up my act, this draws the line here because your beautiful self got hurt even more than the last time you ended up in the hospital." I mutter feeling tears fall from my eyes
"This is hard, so hard I have never experienced like this in my life. God, I hate this I fucking hate this! Jocelyn please just wake up, flutter open those beautiful brown eyes and tell me you hate me or that you love me, just please do something I can't handle this anymore baby girl, I can't." I cry into her hand I kiss her knuckles "Please baby don't leave me, please." I beg feeling an arm wrap my shoulder I turn to see Louis I start bawling like a two year old
"Mate calm down she's going to wake up, just give it time she'll pull through. Its Jocelyn we're talking about for Gods sakes this girl is the strongest girl I know, she'll wake up I know it." Louis says pulling me into a side hug
"How do you know, though? She could slip away from us, from me." I cry he shakes his head
"Think positive, think about what kind of future you want with her, and tell her about it. Tell her all your hopes and dream for you both, just let her know that no matter what you're going to be here for her. That's all you can do at this point." he says
"What do think I have been doing, Lou? That's all I have been to get her back but nothings working." I state wiping the tears on my cheeks
"Just do what I say, and keep doing it she'll hear you if she hasn't yet. Now stop being a wuss she would tease your ass for enternity if she saw you right now." he jokes trying to lighten the mood a small chuckle falls from my lips "Aha! I got you to smile and laugh, Tommo always knows what to do." he says proudly I shove him
"Shut up, or I'll get her to beat your ass if-" he cuts me off
"-When." he says I huff
"'When' she wakes up, you shit." I say he smiles broadly
"Thank you," he says sarcastically
"Haha, you're welcome." I say just as sarcastic he smiles at me then looks down "What?" I ask he chuckles
"You're becoming yourself again." he says I sigh
"Maybe," Is all I say
~
It was around ten at night, and I was still seated next to Jocelyn watching TV, sometimes talking to her sometimes just placing kisses on her hand or cheek whichever one I haven't kissed first. The talk with Louis got me thinking on what my future holds with Jocelyn, well where I see my future with Jocelyn at. And to be honest I see so many things that we both could do, so many places we could go to, and maybe along those lines maybe just maybe we could get married.
Of course not right now, but soon very soon.
"Hey, baby I hope you can hear me because I will feel very embarrassed talking to myself," I let out a chuckle before sighing "I've been thinking, though about us and where I want us to be in five years time. I see us married, I see us happy, I see us having a family,-even though they'd be adopted- I see us with three kids two boys and one girl, so the boys can beat up any boy who hurts our little girl." I smile at the thought
"You would be an amazing mother, you would be like a soccer mom taking the boys back and forth from footie practice, and taking our little girl to dance class or whatever she will be doing. I would work even harder to make sure each and everyone of you have the things you want, and to make sure you know how much I love you all. We would all sit at the dining room table eating the incredible meal you cooked for us, because well we all know I'm a shit cook." I laugh knowing its true "And we would tell each other how our days were spent, if they were good or bad. Then we would tuck the kids into bed before making our way to our own and I would hold you tight against my chest whispering over and over how much I truly do love you." My eyes sting with tears knowing I'm going to start bawling in a minute
"But I can't have that without you, so you have to wake up for us to be able to have that amazing future we talk about. I need you to wake up and tell me that we can have that dream, that we can have a family, that we can be married. Please Jocelyn, I am begging you not to let go just yet, and be with me until the end of time." I plead kissing the top of her head "Just give me a sign telling me you can hear me, please baby girl please." I whisper
And her hand twitches in my grip.
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A/N Getting my groove back!! Yay! Hope you all like this chapter, it made me emotional and want a Zayn....Hahaha BTW 'We're Different' Has been put ON HOLD! For the time being!! Keep that in mind please, I don't want you to think I gave up on it just yet.
Lots of Love.xxx
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