*Jocelyn's POV*
Friday the day that I won't have to worry about being bullied by everyone for a whole two days. Two days without abuse, and hurtful words thrown at me. Two days where I can lay on my bed and forget the world for a little while. Two days where I can be myself.
The days past by since I last self-harmed myself, I just felt lazy. I didn't want to do anymore at least not yet. Stevee called yesterday saying she would be coming down with her boyfriend to spend some time with me. It makes me happy that she is happy now, and that she still finds time for me. Having her as a friend is always a blessing. She could always make your day a bit brighter just by being stupid with her not-so-funny jokes.
She'd always say some weird stuff about anything and everything, she could keep you laughing for hours. I know that once I leave this hell hole I'll miss her the most seeing that I'm going to college in California. I got a scholarship, to USC (University of Southern California) I planned to be a writer and work along the lines of arts as well.
I got my acceptance letter earlier than usual, then most since I live along ways away from there. Being from Bradford where a lot of bad things happen around town is quite scary but I was never scared of walking alone at night or being alone at a house by myself. People who know I live alone are always worried that my house would be broken into, but I have no doubt it would happen.
However, I am always cautious of my surroundings and when I here things around outside of the house. No-one would want to break into my house anyways there's nothing special or pricey enough for that anyways. So, if someone were to break in they wouldn't be getting much.
As, of now I'm in the last class of the day but I just tune Mr. Gonzales the last ten minutes since he just repeats everything. The only downside to being in his class is that I have the one and only Harry Styles sitting right behind me. He usually throws stuff at me or whispers rude comments during the whole class time, but not today which kind of scares me.
You would think he would but maybe since Liam is also in this class he won't mess with me? I don't know why he hasn't said or thrown anything at me. All I know is when they don't mess with you they hurt you worse after the school period. Fridays are the number one days they beat me since they know that no-one will see me til' that following Monday maybe not even that.
"Class, you are now dismissed but Monday morning I am putting you together for a end of the year project." he says and we all groan "Don't start your whining, I will pick and no you won't be with someone that you prefer this end of the year project is to get to know the ones you don't know very well better. So, you all may leave." he dismisses us
Oh, this is just freaking great! I will most likely be paired up with either a blonde bimbo or big ego-headed jock. Isn't my life just perfect!
I grab my stuff and walk out the door but and arm catches me first. When I turn I see Harry's green eyes pouring into mine with the look I can't put my finger on. But I'm a bit scared of what he will do.
"P-please..n-not t-today..p-please." I whimper as I shut my eyes tight
"Jocelyn...Please open your eyes?" Harry's voice is so much softer but I keep my eyes shut
"I-I'm not g-going to h-hurt you." he stutters wait did the Harry Styles just stutter
"Please....I w-want t-to go home." I beg feeling the tears form in my eyes
"I think she said let her go." Liam's voice growls from behind Harry
"I wasn't going to hurt her, I swear." Harry says letting go o me
"Yeah, and I should believe you because?" Liam sneers at him and Niall comes wrapping his arms around me
"I..uh.. I just wanted to talk to her." Harry states
"Well, she doesn't want to talk to you. So if you will we need to get her home." Liam pushes past Harry and we start to walk away from him I look back seeing a look of guilt in his eyes but I must be seeing things
~*~*~
Once we got home we just sat around for a bit til' they had to leave which I didn't mind I wanted to be alone. That's all I want now is to be alone, forever. I hate being around people when they give me sympathetic looks I hate it. It makes me want to hide in a corner in big ball and cry for thousands of years.
Crying is everything I ever do anyways so it doesn't really matter now does it? Guess not cause if I was to die no-one would notice and no-one would care. I would be none as the girl that stayed silent around everyone scared that I'd be hit or yelled at.
All these thoughts make me want to feel something, so I guess I will have to do what I know whats best. I have to cut. Or I could burn myself. Maybe even go the whole way.
I grab the blade letting run down my wrist, watching as blood drip from my freshly cut arm. The blood oozes out of my arm, dripping into the sink slowly but painfully. I can feel the pain but its mostly just numbness. Everything fiber in my body is numb. I'm already dead inside.
Isn't it heart breaking how easily it is to dedicate your life to destroying yourself?
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a/n here's this chapter, its quite sad I know but please don't think that its okay to hurt yourself because you worth it more than you think!
If anyone is going through a tough time I am here to talk, I am here for you!
LOVE YOU ALL!
later nerds
