~read author's note at the end~
*Zayn's POV*
Louis and I were just standing outside of school smoking waiting for Harry to get out so we could go. It was about ten minutes when the school doors slammed open with a brusied teary eyed Jocelyn running fast. She look back then looked at us darting off faster. Not long after Harry comes running out with Liam and Niall calling her name. They go after her but stop when they see us.
"Zayn, did you see Jocelyn run out?" Harry says out of breath I nod
"Yeah, uh she came out and darted that way." I say pointing to the way she just ran "Why?" I ask
"Cause since what you guys did to her earlier and since the start of school she's about to hurt herself in more ways than you think." Liam spits at us I look at Louis shocked
"W-what do you mean hurt herself?" Louis stutters out looking pale
"I don't need to explain anything to you guys who caused so I'm going to go after my best friend who might kill herself." Liam growls darting off the same way Jocelyn did
My body freezes and I swear my face is as pale as a ghost. Jocelyn wouldn't go that far would she? She is one of the smartest in the school she has life to live, she wouldn't kill herself because of us would she? I pause and think for minute.
All the times I've called her names, or when I would knock her down, even when I would hit her... She would sit there and take it without any thought...But today was different I told her.. I told her to kill herself.
No.. Oh god, she really is going to do it.
"Guys, what do we do?" Louis asks panic evident in his eyes
"She wouldn't really k-kill herself would she?" Harry stutters tears in his eyes
"We need to go with them." I say starting to run the way they went
The guys soon follow behind me as we run as fast as we can the way Liam and Niall went. Over the hill we see Liam running while Niall is yelling into the phone crying to whoever it is. We soon catch to them, they don't take notice as we aproach a modern day house.
Front door wide open we all pile in and freeze when we here screams from upstairs..
"WHY?" Jocelyn's voice screams
"WHY ME?! WHAT HAVE I EVER DONE" She screeches I pale at her words
We walk up the stairs wuickly stopping when we hear a soft whisper through the bathroom door.
"She's in there, I heard glass." Liam whispers
"What did I ever do to deserve this? Why am I so worthless, so disgusting, so stupid, so unwanted?" we hear the last whisper she really is about to do it
"Don't do this." I hear myself whisper
She's going to kill herself..
"Jocelyn, please don't this you aren't thinking clearly. Please, don't do this, love we're here we care. You are wanted, you aren't worthless or disgusting nor are you stupid. Please, open the door don't do this please." Niall begs through the door something in my chest tightens as he says the word 'love' to her
"NO! This is what I want this is what everyone wants..Let me do this." she cries on the other side
"No, no please I don't want this, Liam doesn't want this, Stevee and Calum they don't want this. Joce, we want you to be here with us. Please, Jocelyn don't do this." Niall pleads with tears running down his face
"JOCELYN?!" A voice screams as we hear feet padding onto the floor everyone turns to see a girl and a boy running upstairs fear in their eyes
"JoJo, please open this door don't hurt yourself anymore, not for some dumb pathetic ego-headed dicks that are just pathetic fuckers who can't see the bright side of you. Please, don't leave me don't do this please. Jocelyn, don't please." the girl cries sinking to the floor the boy that she came with runs to her side holding her to his chest
"Stevee?" Jocelyn asks the girls Inow know is named Stevee looks up
"Yeah?" she says
"I love you.." Jocelyn says
"NO!" We all shout Liam busting down the door to see a crying Jocelyn with blood all down her arm
Liam is the first to run in and grab her rocking back and forth in his arms trying to calm her down. The sight in front of me makes me feel so much pain and guilt. I can't believe I pushed her this far, I never thought she cared this much. So much that she would go as far as killing herself.
Stevee and Niall clean her up as Liam holds her tightly to his chest, the other unknown boy is giving us the most deadly glares I have ever seen.
"You see this?! This is all your fucking fault she wouldn't even think about harming herself if it wasn't for your sorry asses! You all disgust me, you don't see how much your words and actions can hurt. That girl in there is one of the most intelligent girls I know, who has something going for her but she doesn't want to live her life anymore becasue of you! Are you happy now?! That you finally pushed her to her breaking point?" the boy shouts in my face walking back to Jocelyn and the others
I never thought she would go this far, or that what I did matter. The things I did to her, the things I said to her. I made her do this, I pushed her to do something nobody should do. He's right she has a life ahead her that she need to live, she doesn't need this kind of pain. This kind of life-style, she needs to be loved and cared for.
She needs someone to fix her, someone to stand by her, someone to call her beautiful everyday like she should be told. Not getting called foul things, and being pushed and beating.
I want to be that for her, yes I know that's pathetic but it's true maybe the whole time being a bully was only to get her attention. Instead I broke her, I nearly killed her. And I want to be the one to fix her, but we know that won't happen she won't come around me anymore like she did before. She'll stay locked away from not only me but everyone else.
She will build up more walls that I will try and knock down. I hate seeing her like this, although all I do is make her this way I hate it. I don't show it but after I have done the shit I've done to her I feel so pathetic about myself.
What made me hurt her today, was cause I saw how Harry would stare at her now. Like, everything was about her that she was everything to him. He's the one that came and told us to stop but after watching the looks he would give her I couldn't I knew if she didn't care I could just make him watch me put her in pain. The one he looked at with love, I wanted to hurt him now but I ended up hurting everyone else including myself and breaking a beautiful girl.
I have to help her, I have to bring her back to life. This isn't what I planned on happening, and I will vow my life to her, to help her become whole again. This beautiful girl with the dull eyes, pale sking, and scarred skin need to be brought back to life.
And I plan on doing just that......
++++++++++++++++++++++++++
a/n so here's a very emotiniol chapter five...If anyone is ever going through pain and bullying like this don't hurt yourself talk to someone. I will always be here to talk to no matter what, and I promise there is a reason for you to be here today. God, didn't make you to kill/hurt yourself in the long run, he made you to be yourself and to be fierce. So do that, be fierce and fabulous cause that is what you are.
Love you guys....
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laterr nerddsss
