These Streaks of Blood

32

Natalee gasps, the wind knocked out of her on their landing. Her eyes are still stinging with grief; she blinks them rapidly, trying to gather her thoughts and examine her new surroundings.

Ryffin is already on his feet, looking away from her. The ground is rocky and hard, and at a glance, it seems to drop away much too close to where they landed. Natalee slowly gets to her feet and takes a few steps, quickly seeing that she was right; they're on top of a cliff. She only peers down for a second, her knees feeling like they are going to give out almost instantly. Before they buckle and she falls who-knows-how far down to the ground, one of her biggest fears - well, at least it was, when she was human - she jogs backwards. In her eagerness to get away from the ledge, she runs right into Ryffin. His hands come up automatically to steady her, but quickly drop when they have finished.  

Natalee turns around and glares at him, but he doesn't see. He still won't look at her. What is wrong with him?

"Ryffin," she says, her tone clear that she wants a response. He doesn't turn to face her.

"Ryffin, what the hell--" she starts crossly, but he cuts her off.

"Do you have any idea how hard these past few weeks have been for me?" he wonders, and his voice chills her to the bone.

"What, you think they've been easy for me? I've been kidnapped more than once, I bit people, I was beaten... hell, I almost died--"

Ryffin whirls around, and she falters at the look in his eyes. He is feverish, agonized. Natalee just stares at him, silently willing him to tell her what's wrong, to let her help him. She doesn't know how much more pain she can tolerate lately, whether it is her own or anyone else's.

"You don't think I know that?" Ryffin asks. "You don't think I realize that you have been hurt? I should have been with you, protecting you. I should never have let you leave, I knew you weren't trained... I was so scared, when you told me you were going to kill yourself, I didn't know what to do... Then I thought the twins had gotten you, I thought they hurt you, but you showed up in my dungeon, you led me to Nelye; but your injuries, they were... And the knife..."--his voice goes hoarse, his silver eyes like glass, ready to shatter at any moment--"When he held the knife against your skin... there are no words to explain how I felt. Deep down I knew that the steel wouldn't kill you, but it would have incapacitated you, and I knew the twins would not hesitate to strike you down. It would have been my fault, if you died. My fault. But you're here, because the universe isn't through with us yet."

Natalee doesn't know what to say. He is so fragile right now, and it is so unexpected.  

"Ryffin..." she begins, and licks her lips lightly. "Look... I'm really sorry about leaving. Obviously I realize I shouldn't have. I was scared, too... scared that I was a monster. You were there, so I blamed you. It wasn't fair. I realize that now, and I don't blame you for anything anymore. You've been there for me, even when we haven't been together, since you first introduced me to this world... I was just too afraid to face that truth."

Ryffin shakes his head. "I am a monster. I did Change you. It was selfish, and it ruined my chances of you ever caring about me--"

Natalee takes a step forward and grips his upper arm. Marveling at how strong he is reminds her that, regardless of all other circumstances, she's still just a teenage girl; but she sets the thought aside. Looking into his eyes, she sees the compassion there, but more than anything, she sees the self-loathing.

"Ryffin. I've forgiven you for it, so it's time you forgive yourself. I'm not going to lie and say that I wouldn't rather my life be like it was before. I would much rather be human, as long as my family and friends were there with me and my home was the same as ever. But that isn't my life anymore, and I can never go back to it, no matter how much I might want to. The fact of the matter is, you did Change me, and all of this did happen."