Two Quarters and a Heart Down

Chapter 11 - I'll Be Your Best Kept Secret And Your Biggest Mistake

Patrick's POV

I set my pencil down in the crevice of my notebook, yawning as I check the time on my flip phone. It reads 1:27am, which doesn't surprise me. I then read over the few scribbles of writing I've worked on, cringing at some yet pleased with others. I read over the multiple drafts of choruses and verses I have for what I titled "Saturday."

I'm good to go, and I'm going nowhere fast
It could be worse, I could be taking you there with me
I'm good to go, though it looks like I'm still on my own

Then there's a blank space for where my brain stopped, so I skipped to the chorus.

Two more weeks, my foot is in the door. Me and Pete, in the wake of Saturday.

I debate crumbling it up, but I leave it there since it has to do with Pete. I then turn the page and look over another thing I was working on, mainly in class though. I don't have a title for it yet though, so there's just little stars and things around the top of the page. I wish I could draw as good as Gerard, but I guess the decorative little doodles will do for now.

He said he's no good with words, but I'm worse. Barely stuttered out a joke of a romantic stuck to my tongue.

Then another blank space.

Dance, this is the way they'd love if they knew how misery loved me.

I draw a cheesy heart around the word "loved," just as something taps on my window, making me jump. I close my notebook with my pencil to keep the page I was in, then jump out of my bed and turn on the brighter light in my room. I head over to the window and pull up my blinds, nearly pissing myself when I do.
I quickly open the window and stick my head out, the cool late night air sending chills down my spine.
"Hey Patrick, sorry to wake yo-"
"I was already awake, it's fine, Ryan."
"Alright. Well I was wondering if I could come in? I just want to talk for a quick second. I'm sorry."
"Oh yeah, uh sure." I move out of the way and help the taller boy into my room, a pretty odd thing to do at 1:30 am I must say. "So, what's up?" I ask cautiously, sitting back on my bed as he stands at the edge.
"I know I really fucked up. I just want to say sorry again. My brain's a fucking mess but that's no excuse for what I did. I shouldn't have done something so physical without your consent first. I'm really sorry." He blurts out in a shaky voice, his words slurring ever so slightly.
"Thank you Ryan. I really appreciate you saying that. I'm fine now, but yes I would like to give my green light before someone just goes in like that." I explain. He nods slowly, then walks a little closer to where I sit. "But why are you here at an hour like this? Couldn't you just tell me at school? You didn't need to scale my house to come crash into my room."
"Oh yeah, now's probably not the best time for you. I just normally do things at this time, and I was up and-"
"Understandable." I cut him off, partially annoyed but mainly just wanting to shut his voice off. He stands silent for a moment as I feel my heart rate pick up.
"So, uh. Really awkward question but, do you, maybe, uh like me?" I hesitate before answering, as I don't really know what to say. I've developed feelings for Pete, but I haven't really had a chance to get to know other people yet either.
"I don't know Ryan, feelings are confusing as hell. I have someone else in mind, but, you're pretty cool, I don't not like you...?" I try to explain, confusing myself even further. His eyes widen slightly and I see him adjust his hands, partially clenching his fists, but mainly just moving his fingers around in what I guess to be nervousness.
"Well, would you mind if I asked your consent to... Kiss you?"
At this I nearly choked on the saliva forming in my mouth. "Ryan, I barely know you, you barely know me a-"
"I've known you've lived here since the day you moved in."
"Oh, well then, you know me without me knowing you then? Ha totally normal..." I say, mainly talking to myself but also out loud to him, laughing nervously. "Well, I've never kissed a boy before."
"It could be a first time experience then."
"That is a good point."
"You can trust me."
I simply just raise an eyebrow at him.
"Okay, well, you can trust me right now, in this moment. But of course, you don't have to. I want your consent first."
"Just this once?"
"Just this once."
"And it stays between us?"
"Of course.
"Alright."
"Alright. Close your eyes."
I close my eyes, my heart pounding as I realized what I'm doing. I'm allowing this boy to kiss me after he's literally been watching me day after day. He probably knows a shit ton of stuff about me, yet I can barely figure out his personality. He's so mysterious, yet I get vibes I might already know him.
Very inexperienced in kissing, I guess this could be a good teaching lesson?
As my heart races and my palms grow sweaty, I sit there with stiff and numb legs, every passing second feeling like an eternity.
Then his lips meet mine.
I don't know what to think, how to act, what to do. I've kissed like one girl within my life, and that was probably back in 6th grade when I thought I was straight.
Kissing like this is so much different. Not because the gender difference really, more just the experience. Every kiss will always be different, even if it's with the same person. This time is wild as fuck. I'm basically just kissing for the affection, not because of an emotional connection. It's really strange, I almost feel like I shouldn't be doing this. But yet it's an amazing feeling at the same time. I crave affection so much, in this moment I can't help but feel an attraction to him, even after hearing his creepy secrets.
I find myself melting into the kiss as he presses harder against me, his breaths picking up speed as he brings his body closer to me. I don't allow my mouth to widen all the way, just enough to breathe. On my part, I don't kiss back very heavy, but on his end, he's trying to get all the action he can. I can feel him pressing his body closer and closer to mine, pushing me tight against my bed and lightly grinding his hips into me. I give him a few more seconds, but I break away just before he had time to push me down on my bed. I look away from him, avoiding eye contact but I can tell he's staring at me. We stand in silence for a moment, catching our breath as well as sanity.
"I'm sorry I gotta go. I'm so sorry, Patrick." Ryan quickly mumbles out, confusing me as to why he's apologizing and why he's leaving so fast. Before I can say a word to him he's dashing out my window again, the slides down my roof. I run to the window and watch him run off in the dim lit night, my mind racing as I process the activities of tonight.
From this I've learned a few things.
1. I'm gay as fuck
2. Kissing is great
3. I don't have a crush on Ryan Ross

AN:
WOW ANOTHER CHAPTER IN THE SAME DAY :OOO
Anyway, I decided to write another plot twist since I felt the story was sort of slow moving and kind of boring. Don't get all crazy on me though, I have great other OTP action planned ahead ;)