Can You Hear Me? (joesuggxcasparlee)

-4-

Am I better off dead? Am I better off a quitter?- Nothing, The Script

Joe's PoV

I feel empty. Just completely empty and alone. I haven't turned my phone on a week and I really do not feel like communicating  with anyone. The only thing on my mind is Caspar but I can't face seeing him everyday in that room and all the machinery surrounding him. He wasn't the same he was just a shell of a man... A cute amazing fantas- wait I called him cute? Sorry I didn't mean that I'm just confused... Anyway he's my best friend and he's like a brother to me!

As I was walking to my room I stopped and looked at Caspar's door. I want to go in there and sit on his bed. I open the door and I fall to the ground and look at his freshly made bed. His calendar on the wall still on the date of the party. He was supposed to be home! Not in a hospital. As I walked to his bed I tripped up on Emma Lee, a doll we received off a fan after our naming our daughter video. I laughed and said to Emma "I'm sorry for being a bad Father Emma." I looked at her and thought 'Caspar and I always had a joke about children.'

I took Emma and went to my room. I looked at Emma and said to the doll "I've felt so alone without Caspar from now on I'll treat you properly just like Caspar would have." However every time I looked at Emma Lee she just reminded me of Caspar. Caspar Lee, my stupid thick idiotic pathetic douchebag of a roommate who I loved with all my heart even if I didn't show that he knew it anyway. Some would even think I have a crush on him which I don't by the way. Or wait do I- Not the point anyway.

I looked at my phone and sighed. I'd rather be in the hospital in that bed then Caspar he doesn't deserve all the pain. I decided to turn my phone back on.

100 text messages...

1000 Twitter notifications

100 and odd YouTube notifications

50 Instagram notifications

For fricks sake I can't believe this... I decided to go through my texts first.
But then I got a phone call from Zoe and I decided to answer it...

Z: Hi brosph how you doing I haven't heard from you for a while me, Dan, Alfie and Phil have been getting worried... How's Caspar we're going to go and visit him.

Just then hearing her say Caspar's name just set me off and I started crying.

J: I haven't been in a while Zoe can I come with you guys?

Z: Of course Joseph anything for my little brother. Can me and Alfie stay over at yours tonight please?

J: Okay sure Zoe see you soon.

However as I ended the phone call I thought 'oh crap their going to want to sleep in Caspar's bed.'

I'm not ready for that...

I heard the doorbell go and went to answer it. Zoe and Alfie standing right in front of me. Zoe looks me up and down 'what is she checking me out for I'm her brother!'

"Zoe! Snap out of it," Alfie said to her but she ignored him and took me into her arms squeezing me. "Joe you don't know how worried I've been. I've been calling texting yet no answer I started having panic attacks again. I thought you were dead I didn't know what to do mum and dad have been trying to call you as wel-" I cut her off.

"Well I'm fine Zoe I always have been." She started sobbing as I took her in the house. Alfie turned round and was telling me what had been going on. "She kept inviting Dan over Phil was busy in Manchester but was coming back today. There coming to pick us up from here and then there going to take us to the hospital." I stayed silent. "Anyway how are you Joe?" He asked me. I looked at him then looked away.
"I've never been better!" I said finally getting the courage to look at him and I did a fake smile, hopefully he'll believe my and just leave the conversation there but he stared at me and whispered into my ear "I know that's a lie Joe! I know you haven't been doing well you can see it in your eyes."

Then the doorbell rang. This would be Dan and Phil I thought when I answered. "Hey Joe," Phil said smiling, I smiled back and gave them both a hug and we sat at the table as Zoe and Alfie were getting ready to go. "How are you?" Dan asked me (he witnessed the accident with me so we were bound to feel the same). "True fully Dan I still can't get my head around it. I miss him so much," I felt a single tear go down my face. "Aw Joe he'll be fine and once he's home Jaspar will be back together in the lad pad. I feel the same way as you Joe but it's harder for you when you live with someone you care about. Like me and Phil..." I looked at them both and whispered to Dan "Are you to... You know... Dating?"

Dan looked at me then to Phil and then back at me. "No Joe he's more like my older brother."
"I don't believe you!"
"We're exactly like you and Caspar and bromance that's it!"
"Ok what ever," I laughed and then Zoe and Alfie came up. "Thanks Joe for letting us borrow your room," Zoe said. Dan turned around and nudged me. "Where you sleeping?" He whispered in my ear. I looked at him and nodded "Caspar's room." He looked at me shocked and then nodded.

We left the apartment and went to the hospital to visit Caspar. As we walked into the room something was happening and loads of doctors were around him. "Mr Sugg?" One of them tapped me on the shoulder "We have some news!"