Beaten In Lips - [boyxboy]

〔seventeen〕

I felt way more down on myself than I had in forever and I hated it. I didn't like the stupid feeling in my chest and the tightening of my throat every time I thought about what happened a week ago. I had avoided talking to Miss McDougall at all costs, she tried tried to apologize to me about dumping all the 'good news' all at once, but I didn't believe her, but clearly she wasn't sorry enough because for the past three days I've met families who had some sort of interest in adopting me. I didn't understand why they would want someone like me, I mean, sure I was getting better and I wasn't as solid as I once was, but I didn't want to go with people who I didn't know and didn't trust. I was some sort of screw up, or that was what my father told me at least. If I were to get adopted by a loving family, I would be the reason they weren't happy any more. I was always the reason someone wasn't happy. Just look at me.

For the last couple of days, I just laid in bed, huddled under the covers, staring at the wall. I was supposed to be meeting another family today, but I didn't want to go, I wanted to cry and sleep and break things. Feelings were welled up in my chest, and honestly, I didn't know how to handle them and that scared me. Sometimes I felt like I was standing on an edge and the slightest little touch could push me over it and I would break.

"Are you really going to stay underneath there for the rest of your life?" Kellin asked, coming back into the room. He had just gotten from meeting a family himself.

"Just until I'm eighteen," I muttered, rolling onto my other side so I could look at him. Kellin sighed and dropped down to sit at the edge of my bed.

"Al, you deserve to have a better family, we all do." He said, I didn't say anything. "Look, I have to get going, I'm hanging out with Vic, Mike and Tony at the movies." He added, I grinned slightly. He and Vic had gotten closer over the course of the months, it was the most obvious thing that they both liked each other, both too shy to admit it though.

Kellin gave me a smile and left out, leaving me alone once again, but not for long. Austin came in, looking around the room until his eyes landed on me. He shook his head and stepped further inside, walking over to my bed and pulling back some of the covers until he was underneath them with me. He was really close, so close that I could see the freckles on his stupidly gorgeous face. He had been trying his best after that night when we both snuck out to comfort me, or what I guess was comfort. Some nights we wouldn't even sneak out. When Mike was in Tony's room, he'd invite me in and we would cuddle together- something that I had grown to like way too much, but Austin was so warm and comfortable and he made me feel so much better.

"Meet anymore families today?" He asked softly. I sighed and closed my eyes, pushing my head underneath his chin.

"I don't want to even think of that," I whined. Austin chuckled and wrapped his arms around me.

"Why not?" He whispered.

"Be-because," I whimpered, "all of those families are way better than mine, and I don't like it. I wanted my mom and dad to be like, to be loving towards each other and to me, but obviously that didn't happen."

Austin soothingly ran his hand up and down my back as he kissed my forehead. His stupid comforting made my stomach do flips.

"Sometimes life isn't fair, but there's a positive side for your family not turning out the way you'd wished they had." He said, gently running his hand through my hair.

"What? Getting hit every time I so much as reminded my dad of my mom?" I questioned bitterly. Austin sighed and shook his head, pulling away from me some.

"No, without any of things that happened, I would have never met you," he said softly and seriously, "and without meeting you, who knows where I would have ended up." I bit my lip and stared at him.

"How- how did you end up here?" I asked. It may have been really personal, but I felt it was only fair that if he knew so much about me, I should know things about him too, but I didn't want to overstep any boundaries. "You don't have to tell me if you don't want." I added quietly when Austin bit his lip and stared at the wall behind me.

"No, no, it's fine, I just- don't pity me for any of it, okay? I hate when people feel bad for me, especially for things they themselves could never control." He said.

"I think we both have something in common," I said, grinning and brushing hair from his face. Austin smiled at me and gently pecked my nose before speaking.

"I've been at the orphanage for about four years now, along with Kellin, Vic and Mike, but a three months before I ended up here, my mom died. She was everything to me, and honestly, it felt like a little small piece of me went also. My dad didn't handle well, like at all. He began to drink more than he usually did, but never retaliated to violence, drinking just helped him cope and it was terrible to watch. Some nights he would he so drunk he would start to call my mom's name and then realize she was no longer there and begin to destroy the house," I watched as he took in shaky breaths and I rubbed his side to help him feel better. I didn't like see Austin like this. "There was one night more specifically that he had gotten really drunk and of course started to call for my mom. He came into my room, looking for her and he looked at me, all confused before he remembered, that of course, she was no longer there. He began to cry, saying that I looked too much like her and that he wished just for one second that she was back. He got really angry and more upset and began to tear through my room, throwing things and screaming at me, and the neighbors heard and they called the cops. They arrested him and began to ask if he hurt me or anything, of course I told them he didn't, just that my mom had recently died and that we were both going tough time. Things from there were very rough, my dad was on watch and had gone to rehab to help with his drinking, but it only became worse. There was another night he came home drunk because he lost his job and now was having to find another job and watch over a kid at the same time. My dad got into financial debt and had gone bankrupt. He could no longer support himself or me, he was drunk for majority of the time and the neighbors had threatened to call the police because they could hear the yelling from inside the house, and finally they took me here and my dad, well I don't even know where he is or if he's even around anymore." He finished and shrugged, messing with the end of the blanket.

I didn't really know what to say, he clearly has been through a really tough time and sure as hell knows how to handle his emotions better than I can. I wanted to say 'I'm sorry' but I remember he said he didn't want me to pity him, so I didn't. I brushed my fingers through his hair, kissing underneath his chin.

"I even left one night after being here for a month or so, I just wanted to see my house again, and I saw a little van sitting in the driveway and a family sitting in the living room, watching t.v. together. It may have been really stupid, but I just had to see that place one more time before I was possibly moved away from it completely." He said softly. I nodded and continued to run fingers through his hair.

"You're too strong," I whispered, rubbing my thumb across his cheek. Austin gave a shrug and didn't say anything. I bit my lip and smiled at him before leaning in and giving him a gentle kiss. He responded quickly, kissing me back. His hands grasped at my lower back, pulling me closer as he kissed me deeper, making my stomach surge with those stupid butterflies.

I pulled away, a little breathless and smiled at him, once again brushing hair from his face. "I think we'll both be okay." I whispered. Austin smiled and kissed me again before pulling away again and holding me close. I felt stupid and happy, I couldn't stop smiling. Austin just made me feel so stupid and happy, that was all I knew.