An Impractical Love (A Love Story With James Murray): Book 1

Procrastinating Expert

Since my friend Hannah came over two weeks ago, I haven't left my house unless it was for work. I was running low on everything from groceries, to makeup, to soap, and everything in between. I had been invited to see "Murr," and the guys plenty of times but right after I agree to see them and hang out with them for awhile, I then tell myself I can just see them whenever. I put it off. Hence, I now named myself a "procrastinating expert." James started texting me more often. He knew I wasn't quite right, and that something was wrong. He was starting to become worried. But what do I tell him? 'Oh yeah, my best friend (more like ex-best friend now) kissed me.' I may or may not have liked it, but that doesn't change the fact that I got kissed, WHILE I'M IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH JAMES!!! Things with James have been going so well. If I tell him what happened would he be mad at me? Would he hate me? Would he leave me?

I also realized that since I haven't been spending as much time as usual with James, I have a a gap in my heart. It's only whole when he and are together. But this secret I have about that kiss is eating me up inside. I also now know I love James. Even though it's been a month or so of dating, I already love him. Last time I let myself love, it turned out he was an alcoholic. Though I knew James didn't have a drinking problem, I had trust issues. Especially when it came to relationships. I don't want James to leave me. I don't know what to do. I've never fallen so deep into love before. But seeing him is fulfilling, yet it tears me apart. This damn secret is potentially the biggest threat to our relationship right now. 

I decided to end hiding this secret from James. It was time to tell him. I called him and told him to come over. I just got off of work, so I'm still in my light blue dental hygienist clothes. He gladly said he would come over, and that'd he'd be here in ten minutes. I just sat on my couch, rubbing my sweaty palms together. I needed to calm down. But it was too late. He knocked on my door. I got up and answered the door to see James with that cute smile on his face, one hand his hip, the other against the wall, supporting himself. He was adorable in his jeans, and button up blue shirt. 

"Come in." I quickly said, grabbing his arm and pulling him inside. He stumbled inside and I shut the door behind us. I couldn't take this anymore. I looked at him.

"James, something bad happened. I don't know what to do, and I don't want to lose you. I know we're already going so fast, and this may still be too early to say this, but James-I just-I-I....I love you." I said in one breath. I hadn't noticed the tears falling down my cheek. 

"Okay, what's wrong then honey?" He asked, completely confused. I took a deep breath and exhaled.

"I have...had a best friend. Her name is Hannah.  But she came over two weeks ago. I hadn't seen her in a long time. Her and I had stopped talking for some unexplained reason. But now I know that reason. We talked for a long time while she was here. Then out of the blue, she said she liked me. More like loved me. Then she...she..." I panicked as I got to the last part. I started to breath faster, and I felt lightheaded.

"Let it out, hun." He said. Oh if only he knew...I can't believe I'm about to tell him. I just don't want to hurt him. 

"She kissed me. I don't think I kissed back. I was in complete shock. But then she left and texted me saying her and I are going to stop talking. Basically, she ended the friendship. James I'm so sorry if I hurt you, I don't want to hurt you, I love you. I love you so much, I-" I started saying fast. But he stopped me by holding my shoulders.

"Sweetie, don't you see you're not the one at fault here? SHE kissed YOU! YOU didn't kiss HER! You did nothing wrong. Stop saying you're sorry, because you have nothing to be sorry for. But I am sorry she dropped that ball on you and then ended something as precious as your friendship with each other." He said, and smiled. "Oh, and by the way, it isn't too early to say it. I love you too." He said as his smile became even bigger, and he pulled me in for a hug. I let out a shriek/sigh of relief and wrapped my arms around him. I couldn't believe he didn't hate me. But he was right...I really hadn't done anything wrong. We kissed. Everything seemed to be falling into place. I love my "Murr."