An Impractical Love (A Love Story With James Murray): Book 1

What Now?

My friend Hannah was due over any second. She would be staying the night. When I heard the knock on the door I got up and answered it. Hannah stood there, blonde hair, blue eyes, skinny frame and all. We embraced and I invited her in. I offered to grab her belongings, to which she happily obliged, and I carried them up to the guest bedroom. Once I went downstairs I brought out a bottle of Merlot. We sat and drank for awhile just talking and catching up. But I noticed she was different. When she talked, she got her points across, but she explained things quickly. Her and I haven't been talking for a while, and I had never figured out why. Maybe that's why she was acting weird? Once she finished her rant about her boss I decided to get to the bottom of her unusual behavior. 

"Hannah...I know we haven't talked in a while. But I never understood why. And I'm noticing you're acting...well, different. You don't go into detail much when you talk, and we both know you  love going into detail. You know you can tell me anything. What's wrong?" I asked her. She sighed and shrugged. 

"Nothing. Nothing is wrong, I'm fine. We're fine." She said and forced a smile. I knew something was wrong, but I didn't push her. So we started talking about guys we know. I asked if she was still single, to which she replied yes. But when I said no to the same question, she started acting really different. She changed in that moment. She tried to act all happy but I couldn't help but notice something was just really off with her. Like she was mad almost. I told her I had a boyfriend named James, but I didn't mention he was on Impractical Jokers. She asked more about him. I told her about the dates, how caring he was, about the sex, how we met (which I had to twist THAT part around a bit). But she just sat there resting her chin on her hand with her elbow on the table. Her eyes wandering all around the room. She was spacey. And angry, or so it seemed. 

"Hannah, what's wrong? Stop hiding it, just come clean, I'm here for you. What is wrong?!" I asked. She looked me, square in the eye. I saw sweat form on her face. I got up from the table and picked up our wine glasses to go wash them. But I was stopped when I felt her hand on my wrist, gripping it. I turned around and faced her, but she wrapped her arms around my waist and kissed me forcefully on the lips. When she pulled back she looked at me and dropped her hold on me. 

"Oh my God...I'm so sorry Elyse. I'm so sorry." She said. That's when it hit me. The reason we hadn't been talking is because she has feelings for me. I knew she was a lesbian but I never thought she'd ever have the hots for me. I felt bad because not only am I straight, but it was going to hurt her if I said I wasn't interested. She was my best friend. And not only that, but I had a boyfriend! A great boyfriend! James. My "Murr." 

"It's alright Hannah, lets just forget that happened, okay?" I said as I continued to walk over to the sink and begin washing our dishes. She just stood there. No emotion whatsoever. Until she spoke again. 

"No. I can't just forget that happened. I've tried to move on since we stopped talking. It's impossible. I'm in love with you! I always have been. And I always will. We're best friends! Why can't we be in love? I know you have a boyfriend, but I can treat you so much better. I can see you more then he seems to see you because of his job, and not only that, but I would always take care of you. Please Elyse, give me a chance." She said, raising her voice slightly. My head was spinning. I had no feelings for her, and even though I knew it would crush her if I said that, I couldn't muster up the courage to speak. Then James came into my head. I knew what I had to do. 

"Hannah, we're best friends. I have a boyfriend. James. He is perfect for me. Everything we have is everything I've ever wanted. I'm so sorry Hannah, but I just don't think it's right for you and I to be more than friends. I'm so sorry." I said. I couldn't look at her. The silence that now filled the room was awkward. I didn't know what to do. 

"Hannah?" I said spinning around from my place at the sink and looking at her. 

"Look, I think I'm just gonna go. I'm happy for you and James, and I don't want to cause any trouble between you two." She said. She turned and walked upstairs to grab her things. I felt on the verge of tears. She kissed me. Does that mean I cheated on Murr? I was overwhelmed with guilt, anger, and fear in that moment. Once she got downstairs, she opened the front door but stopped before she left. 

"Goodbye Elyse." She said. 

"Goodbye Hannah." I replied. She shut the door and I heard her car start. I received a text from her before she pulled out. 

I'm sorry. I just think we should stop talking. Bye.  

I just exited out of the message and tried to forget about it. I had just seen Murr three hours ago. But I needed him. But then I remembered the kiss. It was cheating. It had to be. I felt horrible, so I just threw my phone down on the table and marched upstairs. I threw myself on the bed, and thought about the events of tonight. What do I do? What now?