I wish I was pretty enough, smart, funny enough. I wish I was worthy of all the love some give and didn't feel constricting pain in my chest all the time.
I wish I didn't feel like a burden and even asking for money from my parents wasn't one of the hardest tasks, such that it makes my heartbeat go smashing thorough the roof sky high. I wish trusting for me wasn't as difficult as it is.
I wish I didn't feel like I was bothering everyone all the time by breathing, walking, talking, by simply existing. I wish I didn't feel like such a bothersome thing for everyone.
I wish I wasn't ashamed of myself.
I wish the fact that I like someone didn't fill me with shame and wasn't so hard to tell because it fills my mind with the thought of no one wanting, needing, loving me. Maybe because I know that this is what it will always be, one sided.
I wish I wasn't so embarrassed of myself.
It fills me with shame and a list of never ending thoughts.
Why'd anyone like me? What's in me to like?
Everyone deserves better.
I'm a living wreck.
A maze with no way out, a maze no one wants to go into.
I wish I wasn't ashamed of myself to this extent, of every fibre of my being. I wish, I wasn't this ashamed of my past. I wish everyone didn't leave me. I wish I wasn't scared all the time to the extent where I can't function properly. I wish I was good enough to make them love me, like me. I wish I was good enough to make them stay.
I wish I wasn't me.
