I’m not an easy skank, too much yet too little I am.
I am the one pulling out my hair while staring into the darkness, either feeling too much or none at all, sitting there numb, void of any emotions.
The one who’s nowhere, fits nowhere. Meant to love with her all but not get all in return. But then there is nothing worth loving for, caring, fighting, dying for. Meant to be dispersed, broken, scattered into pieces and remain unloved and unwanted.
Who isn’t worth the love some give and never will get why some are still here.
The one not worth putting in effort for, reaching out for.
The one with bruised soul, who falls so deeply into nothingness that every second of every minute turns into nothing, every sound, every feeling and that’s when I become nothing.
Guess that’s what I’ve always been, guess that’s what I’ll always be, nothing.
When tears start growing in your throat and burning your soul that’s when you know they all deserve better. I have been alone, I have been alone my whole damn life but for once I wanted more I wanted someone. And now that I have I want that other one.
I don’t get what the fuck is wrong with my bastard soul, my worthless, useless pathetic self. I should have known, I should have bloody known it isn’t for me to handle, they hurt me.
It always hurts.
I’m too hard to love, I’m too much misery too much mess, too much pain that no one wants to get into. I’m unbearable, unimaginable guilt and emptiness.
I’m not the pretty girl, I’m the one against the wall, struggling to walk, struggling to breath, with tears rolling down my cheeks. To be reached out, to be made effort for, once. But maybe I just am an ungrateful, hypersensitive brat too caught up in my own drama.
I’m just lost, without any trace, any clue, any sign leading me to home.
