I'm scared, now that one other has left its someone else's turn.
I have a deep fear of people leaving me. They have left in the past.
And I'm scared of things changing and people drifting apart from me and people breaking up with me. I have a fear of getting hurt. This has happened way too much; I get really close with somebody, and then they leave my life?
I'm at the point where I'm scared of trying to interact with others, making new friends because I fear they will not want to be around me after a while.
I can't stand if people are mad, and I start to obsess over if they are mad at all. I always worry if people don't talk to me, reassure me, and if they will leave me, Its a daily hindrance on my relationships. I NEVER stop caring about somebody, my love for a person can only stay the same or grow, never shrink, but it seems like other people find it all too easy to walk into my life and then walk right out again.
I can not understand what the hell is wrong with me. I put in all my effort and make my life hell to make theirs heaven but then its like one day they decide they've had enough of me, my bullshit, my drama, my ugly ass worthless self and just leave.
This is how all my friendships ended, this is how they always end.
I must be a horrible person for making people feel horrible to be around me or something. Why do so many people make me feel so cared for and loved in return, and then abandon me? Why am I so worthless to everyone?
Everyone always end up leaving me and I don't want to have to go through that kind of pain again. Sometimes I think it's better to be alone so no one could ever have the chance to abandon me. But then I'll die of suffocation, keeping it all bottled up. I'll hate myself more than I already do. Which seems practically impossible now but well yeah. I'll keep on worrying about them, I might go even deeper into the self destructive mode I already am in.
She kinda keeps me sane, as gay and cheesy as it sounds she does. She's the first person and probably the only one I tell everything to.
I love my friends too much but I'm scared out of my wits.
I'm scared I will be all alone at the end while living some type of illusion that will last for only a while. If I live for that long that is.
I'm afraid to be happy with someone because they'd probably just go away.
When i meet people I think "I wonder how long it will be until we aren't friends anymore"
This scares me all the time. It does consume my life and is all I think about at times. I've always had trouble keeping friends. people say i'm very funny and attractive but people never seem to stay, they meet me, stay for a while and move on, so I stopped believing compliments a long time ago.
Okay if I'm that good why am I not good enough for you to stay?? It has reached the point where of someone compliments me I don't know how to react, it takes a lot to just say thanks.
Sometimes I feel like being completely alone and not having anyone else and no one could ever leave me because I'd have no one to miss.
But I've crossed that point.
Now that I've seen what actual friendships feel like, what being cared for, and feeling loved is like, I'll probably miss them forever even if I leave them.
I love them but I have extreme fear of abandonment. And I have no clue what to do.
