The Ghosts of my Past [Completed]

18. Withdrawal

"I will never let you out of my sight!" Elijah was marching back an forth through the bedroom Nolan gave me. It was a simple one, a big bed with a wooden frame and one dresser in the same color. The carpet was white and soft. The walls a soft blue like the bedspread. 
"Don't talk like that!" I told him. He had no reason to act like this. He never did before. Okay... maybe he did a little but before he kept his distance, it didn't sound like he would leave me to live my own life now. 
"It's all my fault!" He grunted as he stopped walking. "No it's not! It's mine. I dated him when I was nineteen. I dumped him and I killed his mate. My fault. Not yours" 
He looked at me with a deep frown and a puzzled look in his dark eyes. Those eyes still made my heart feel like it could burst. How could I after all I had been through still feel something like that? I had no idea. I was wearing an pair of pajamas Lena gave me now just a simple big t-shirt. It was incredibly comfortable. Just like the bed. The plan was to sleep... Like I could do that now. Amber could. She was sleeping peacefully in a travel cot Lena and Soren had gotten her. It had a bright pink color. I think they had some fun picking out baby gear. They brought us enough to last a while anyway. 
"It is his fault Lillith" Elijah said softly after a long silence and he sat down on the bed I was sitting on with my legs crossed. "He did you wrong. I don't think you planned on dating a werewolf with a lust for blood" 
"No, I didn't" I whispered looking at my hands that were keeping bussy taking little balls fluff of of the bedspread. I started crying again. "But I put so many lifes at risk." 
"Everybody is okay, Isabell is safe with Blaine and in the pack. And until we have dealt with Damian you are safe here with us" 
I looked up at Elijah and he gave me a sad smile. "You are one trouble maker. Blackwell says you remind him of his daughter" He reached out to wipe the tears away and I closed my eyes for a second when he touched me. It felt so nice. Safe. It almost made me want to crawl into his arms and sleep. Almost. He had told me before this could never work. I had no idea why but had the feeling I would find out more about that soon enough.
I opened my eyes again "Where is his daughter?" I asked. Elijah dropped his hand again but stayed close to my hand like he was still deciding if he would take my hand or not.  
"She is dead, murdered a few years back" He answered looking at the crib Amber was sleeping in.
"Is she alright?" He asked carefully after a moment of silence. I was wondering who murdered Nolan Blackwell's daughter. I followed his eyes to Amber and nodded. "Yes, or well. She hasn't been drinking like she should. Or sleeping. She hated that bitch, and him just as much. The stress got to her. 
"It got to you too" He whispered looking back at me. 
"Nah, they hoped I would die from starvation." I shrugged and Elijah's eyes grew darker with anger. "I would kill her if she wasn't already dead" He growled in a low voice. "To late, I solved that problem for you" I tried to smile but failed. He just shook his head his eyes going back to their soft brown color. 
Being sarcastic about what I went through helped a little. Like it was all one big joke. Of course it wasn't but it was easier like this. 
"You should sleep" Elijah looking at me trying not to sound like he was commanding me to go to sleep. "No need. I am not tired. And Amber will wake up soon. "I can take care of her." 
"Yeah... right" I shook my head. He didn't know the first thing about baby's especially colicky babies who could cry for hours on end. "Have you ever changed a diaper? listen to her cry for hours?" I asked him. Elijah looked at me in silence. He almost looked like he was feeling guilty. 
"And that's okay" I added softly. "I can do this." 
We never really got the chance to talk about him being Amber's father. He knew and told me we couldn't be together before so why would now be any different. 
Another silence followed and I put my attentions to my hands again. We stayed like this for a while untill Amber like I had said started stirring and crying not much later. Elijah got up wanting to get her but I gestured him to stay. "Let me. I will show you how to change a diaper okay" A faint smile showed on his face as I got up and took Amber out of her travel cot. 
Elijah already got up and got diapers and wipes. Okay... maybe I wasn't giving him enough credit. Did he like... read into this stuff? 
Elijah actually finally changed her diaper and took her in his arms to sooth her. He sat down on the bed leaning with his back against the headboard and gestured me to come sit next to him. I did a little reluctantly. This was the weirdest thing, it was almost like we were an actual family together. And with his arm around me and my head on his chest right next to Amber who miraculously fell asleep I did the same listening to the steady sound of his heartbeat. 

I woke up probably hours later hearing Elijah talk to somebody who had entered the room. I guessed it was Nolan and pretended to still be asleep because what they were talking about was pretty interesting. 
"You know I told you before and I will tell you again Elijah. They can both stay. They will be safe" 
I heard and felt Elijah sigh. "You know just as well as me that it is not. Not with the work we do. I have to many enemies." 
Work he did? What was he talking about. I have never known what he did. Just that it was dangerous. But enemies? How did he get enemies by a job. 
"You can have this penthouse until you find a place for your own. I know you want that. I know you want a family, Amaya" 
"Don't talk about her!" I could feel Elijah tense up and his voice got lower when he was getting angry. More questions popped up in my head. For example, who was Amaya? And.... did Nolan know Amber was Elijah's daughter? I decided it was time to wake up and I pretended to slowly wake up opening my eyes. I pushed myself up and away from Elijah who had been lying down on top of the blankets. Amber was already back in her crib. When did that happen. I don't remember him moving and even more important me crawling back into his arms. "Sorry Lillith, did I wake you up?" Nolan apologized with a smile. I shook my head and wanted to smile but my face cramped up. Moving, let's say it caused me pain. Loads of pain. I gasped for air as every muscle in my body felt like I had been working out for the last 48 hours without a warm up. And there was the mater of my arm that had been broken before. the pain had multiplied by a hundred. So much for healing fast as a werewolf. And with the pain something else happened. I felt sick and I was going to throw up all over the place if I didn't find a bucket or toilet fast. Luckily Nolan realized this and he got a trashcan and gave it to me. 
I threw up the little food that was still in my system. A sandwich Lena had made for me yesterday. 
When everything was out I felt weak and shaky. 
Elijah had held my hair back and his hands were now on my shoulders. "Lill, you are burning up" He said concerned placing his hands on my neck and then my forehead. 
Nolan stepped closer and knelled down before me putting away the trashcan. "Can you show me your arm?" He asked. I knew which arm he meant and reached out the arm Damian always used to give me the shot. "You are going into withdrawal. He injected you with vampire poison right?" I nodded and heard Elijah swear and growl just like every time he heard something that Damian or Summer had done to me. 
"Did he do that every morning?" I nodded to Nolan's question. "Every morning... around 7 or 8 I think." 
"I don't know much about these things, I will get a doctor over. It is 10 by now so it probably sets in quickly." 
"Ten?" I repeated in shock. "But Amber... she needs her bottle and..." 
"No worries Lill" Elijah interrupted me softly. It was so weird him giving me that nickname "She had her bottle and she is perfectly fine with Lena." 
My eyes got big. Lena! Was he crazy giving my baby girl to somebody I didn't even know. Who didn't know anything about baby's! "She is fine with her. You needed sleep. And you need even more sleep now. Take it easy" Nolan got on his feet and looked at Elijah. "Keep an eye on her. She is stubborn" He chuckled and left the room. I wanted to get up and follow him out, find Lena and get my child back! Who the hell did she think she was. My wolf agreed with me. Elijah stopped me. He was of the bed and in front of me in a second. "Lillith, you are taking a shower and then back into bed" He told me. 
"No, I am getting my baby and leaving this place and take the first plane to Canada." Elijah crossed his arms over his broad chest and raised only his left eyebrow. "In the state you are in... you won't even make it out of this house" He stated simply. I disagreed.
"I have done perfectly on my own so far mister. You should have seen me the first months of my pregnancy!" I snapped at him sitting back down on the bed. I wasn't ready to admit I was broken jet. But I was. Every muscle in my body was acing and I was cold and shivery. 
The look on Elijah's face changed when I talked about being pregnant. I was shocked to see he looked like he felt guilty. There was nothing to feel guilty about in my eyes. "Don't look at me like that" I told him sternly and tried to stand back up. He reached out his hands to help me and I took them a little reluctant. "Now where is my baby!" 
"Lillith, She is fine with Lena." Elijah said holding onto my hands carefully. Like I would break or something. A big frown showed on my face. He didn't get didn't he. "After all that shit I have been through... I want Amber with me. Close by... not by some stranger who I don't know or trust!" Elijah sighed and then nodded slowly. He finally seemed to understand. "Okay" He answered softly. "Good!" I told him and stepped away from him to only have my legs failing on me. He caught me before I could hit the ground and I blacked out.