Kashmaakash- a confused heart

Chapter 6

Suyash on his way back was deeply tensed, after knowing wat Devika had faced in her past, he did not wanted to hurt her at all and he know he was hurting her because he was faling for her badly and she too was getting attached to him. He had to either stop it and leave her permanently or leave Pragya forever and marry Devika . He know he wanted Devika, but wud his family agree? and wat will he explain to Pragya? well he had to decide it soon becox no matter wat, he did not wanted to hurt Devika.

Back at Devika's house, as she felt better, she took her cell and remembered about those messages, she started to read them one by one.Wid every message she read, her heart skipped a beat, she did not knew she shud b happy or sad. In all dose messges Ishan has confessed his love for her, in his words, :

'The day i talked to u, i felt i like u instantly, later as i started to interact wid u more, i fell more and more for u but i knew u loved ur family and u were such a simple girl, i never thot cud hav u, and i did not waned to loose a precious friend by proposing her, so although i deeply loved u, i never admitted.Also, in my past i had faced a betray in distance relationship and i knew i just cud not handle another relationship and even if i will evr b then sure not in a distance relation.Dts why i always kept my feelings to myself.I am sorry i knw i hav hurted u, but for me u were a dream, an unachievable dream, if u can forgive me and accept me back then i will b the happiest man on earth otherwise i will accept it as my fate, i will wait for ur answer.'

She just got numb, was life playing a game wid her? So many things changed in a single day, she had always loved Ishan and waited for this day, but may be timings went wrong bcoz today after re-living dose momnts of past, she again had a doubt about relations and love, she HATE love.. once again and now she felt friendship wid Suyash was evrything, it was all she needs to b happy and live widout the fear of being cheated by luv.

She cud not decide wat she wanted at that tym, she understood Ishan somewhere and respected him but luv? noo she was not ready for it.

Things were changed alot, Suyash use to take care of her more than usual, he was chnged, he did not make fun of her anymore but she wasnt liking it, she didnt wanted anybodys' sympathy.On the other hand, Ishan and her bonding was usual, nothing seemed to chnge bcz none of dem talked about that topic again.Devika was feeling suffocated, she felt to clear out things by talking to Suyash. One day while getting back from office, she called him to pick her up.On the way back she finally break the ie between them , 

"Suyash i am not liking the chnged behaviour of urs" 

Suyash stopped walking and stared at her, "My chnged behaviour? wat is chnged?" he asked as if he was unknown to it.

"I like the way u care, but please dont sympathise wid me, i am stronger now and all wat have gone has gone.I liked wat we shared before, u made me feel alive wid ur childishness, wid ur innocence, please dont behave dis way, i feel uncmfrtble and now i think i shudnt hav shared all that in first plce,, u wudnt hav chnged then." she confessed.

"Hey..! wait, shut up and dont ever say that again, u cannot take away the best gift i hav received from u, ur trust. U cnt just say dat and for the chnge in my behaviour is a dffrnt reason, ok lets sit somewhre and talk." She nodded and they stopped by a foodcourt nearby. He bought a sandwitch for her and a soft drink for himself. She was waiting for him to speak out, knowing it, he began.

"Listen, i never told u much about my personal life, i mean u know about my family but u dont know about Pragya." he said looking at her.

She stopped eating her sandwitch and looked at him then smiled, "ohhhhhhh so mr Suyash have a girlfriend, ooh hoooo.... and u r such a bad person, u jerk, u nevr told me, y haa?" she said, she for a momnt felt happy for him but looking at his face, she understood he was not happy. "wat happened? tell me about her? "she asked.

"Pragya is not just my girlfriend, actually she is my fiancee, her father and my father are best friends and as we both grew up and she wanted to leave dis city for her higher education, his father asked my dad wud he like to marry me to her and my dad agreed wdout even asking me bcoz dey all thot we love each other, we were best friends since childhood. I also thot i love her and she was happy too, before we cud understnd any other thing, we got engaged officially and she left to Mumbai for higher studies." 

Devika felt silent, "hmm, she knows about me?"

"yes" he answered and looked down.

"Ok so why r u upset? its fine, i mean i wud have appreiated if u had told me dis before but its fine Syash, we r still good friends ryt? Earlier i use to thot u were my best friend, but that place is for Pragya, and cheer up, please, i want the same old u back." she said faking a smile.

"R u not angry? Thank God..! i am feeling relieved, i dnt want to hurt u, i was feeling u wud get angry knowing dis." he smiled faintly.

The both left for their respctive houses after sometimes.Devika and Suyash both were thinking deeply, they understood each other so well, Suyash knew Devika was upset knowing about Pragya but is not showing and Devika knew dere was something Suyash was still hiding and dts making him sad but he is not telling her. Both of dem were running away from admitting their feelings for each other.

Days passed and Things were back on track (atleast it seemed so) ; Suyash was still the same wid Devika's mumma but there was a strange strain between Suyash and Devika, dey use to talk but somthng was missing btween dem.On the other hand, Ishan once again proposed her one night, Devika thot for a while and she put few things in front of him, "Ishaan, its again a long distance, would it work? and see both of us knw each other's schedule, so please dont expct v will talk for hours like sweet young couples, u r mature and i am too so i think u wud undrstnd ryt?"

Ishan replied, "listen, i knw accepting my proposal will not change anything btween us, it wud hav effcted may b if we were in same city, or we were two lively ppl but v r not, so let it b , it doesnt matter, i just wanna say, that now wen u knw i luv u and i knw u luv me, v cn knitt our dreams around each other, v can express our luv easily, at tmes, ryt?"

"hmm.." she said,, and a kind of 'unsaid relationship' started between them. But Devika was in a very strange situation, her heart and mind were fighting constantly, she finally decided to tell Suyash about Ishan, and distnce herself from him, may be dat wud chnge wat she was going thru, if she luved Ishan wud she had fallen for Suyash? And if it was not love for Ishan so y was he so importnt to her? y she cudnt stay tgalking wdout him, what was dat feeling of missing Ishan at nyt? She was facing the worst mental status-ek ajiib si KAshmaaksh.