Kashmaakash- a confused heart

Chapter 5

She began,"It was back then wen i just gave my 12th exams, i got invited to a very dear friend's (kavya)birthday party.There i saw a guy whu was cnstanlty looking upset, i tried to ask Kavya about him and she told me he was Samir , he was like a brother to her (muh-bola bhai) and he was upset bcoz his gf ditched him recently. She then introduced me to him and slowly we started to talk.Initially i found him quite good he was even too shy to talk later we exchnged numbers and use to talk alot.I infact helped him get out of da depression of break up.

One day i was too upset bcz i didnt got my board result according to my expctation , he was trying to cheer me up over phone and suddenly he proposed me, i got blank. I shouted at him and tell him to behave himself as i always thot of him as a friend and nthg else.Few days we didnt talked to each other then one day kavya came to meet me up and told me he was not well and is quite depressed and asked me to talk to him once.I clled him , as he picked he began to cry telling me how much he missed me etc. I felt bad that sum1 cried for me and he once again proposed me. This tym i didnt denied, neither did i accepted it, i just told him i will b dere for u like a friend always. He got happy, he use to treat me so well and frankly i use to like it bcz sum1 for the first tym was giving me so much attention. One day i was angry from him for some reason, in the evening our whole group of friends( we both shred common friends) were at mall and suddenly Samir went on his knees and apologised wid a bouque and card, evryone started to tease me and dey were clapping for Samir, at that tym i felt embarrased, but wen i returned back at home i felt an undefiend feeling tickling my heart, its automtic, wen sum1 tels u dey like u a part of u strts to like dem bck too. But i knew my lmits, i cud not cross the line, i was still too young to get into such stuff, and if my brother wud got to knw abt it he wud hav killed Samir, for Samir and i were from 2 different worlds, nothing matched, nor our statuses, nor our culture, our mentality, and most importantly our religions.

Evryone in our group use to tell me to get committed but i was not saying 'yes' to him.I knew my group wanted us to b a couple but i never knew dey wud do smthng so bad to me." she started crying, Suyash held her hand, wiped her tears, after a few minutes she continued again,

"It was Samir's birthday dat day, we all decided to surprise him but i didnt knew i wud b surprised at the end. Me and Kavya went on her scooty and got a cake for him, other friends, shivani, kartik, rehan , sana, Rocky, john etc joined us soon. We all went to his flat and surprised him. Few minutes later we all were partying around having cold drinks, snacks etc. After sometime i started to felt dizzy, Samir saw my face and asked me to come wid him in different room and wash my face.Me and him went to other room of his flat, he gave me water, i felt so weak he asked me to take rest for a while , dre was a mattress and i lyed down on it.

Samir went out, brought a cold drink wd him and came in and bolted the door,

"why r u locking the door?" i asked.

"Nothing just like dat, dey r playing loud musics, i thot it will disturb u." saying dat he came near me and layed beside me.I felt a bit uncomfortable but didnt said anything. We satrted to talk, he told me he was too happy and it has been his best birthday, he thanked me, i felt too sleepy and i was half listening to him. Soon i dozzed off.

"AAAAh" i woke up wid a terrible pain, and wat i saw left me shocked, Samir was over me, naked, and he was panting heavily, i started to shout, he kissed me forcefully and hold both my hands and pushed again, i was in teriible pain, and my eyes filled wid tears, i knw i cudnt do nything dt tym and i just closed my eyes.

Few minutes later, lossened his grip on me, stood up and went to the washroom, i cud not believe it cud have hppned wid me, i looked around for my clothes wid anger and tears in my eyes, i was feeling so ashamed, someone just came and crushed my dignity like dat and i cud not do nythng? i dressed up, i was in so much pain even was unable to walk properly,still i managed to unlock the door and get to the other room where dey all were partying, i was in tears, KAvya came running to me, Samir came from behind, hugged her and said, "thank u for my birthday gift, it has been just the best birthday gift ever" all the others started to laugh and roar, dy were teasing him, "ooh so u r a Man now officially..!" etc etc, i cudnt belive my ears, dey all planned it? i was his birthday gft? and he became a man? i shouted, "Raping a grl is Manhood? really??? shit, shame on u guys and Samir, i dont wanna see ur face ever again" they all went silent, Kavya came and kept her hand on my shoulder, "hey cmon yaar u r 18, enjoy life, we all thot u love each other and we just thot it wud make ur love stronger." i turned around, "u know wat Kavya, u r such .." and slapped her hrd, and left the flat wid da speed of the wind.

I came back to my home and cried for many hours, i was constantly getting Kavya's and Samir's call, i did not picked it. Next day Kavya came to my house, i was ignoring her, "Listen i havsomthng realy urgent to tlk to u i am sorry for yestrday but just come wid me for 10 mins i wanna tell u smthng very serious plz", I was not in mood to still i went out wid her, she prked her scooty on a lonely road and gave me a tablet saying "eat dis, he has sent it, its necessary pls." i took the tablet and looked away. "i am so sorry Devika i didnt knew he wud b such a bastard, u knw smthng, he had made the MMs of this whole thng and now he is saying if u will not do it again and again, he will show it to ur brother , ur parents. I am so dan sorry i got u into all this but i didnt knew he was such a jerk, i thot he loved u truly but he is acting like an animal.He just wants u by hook or by crook"

tears strted to flow , i never thot i cud get into any such thing, i was dumbstruck, till a day before i was da girl whu was so proud of herself, being 18 she nvr allowd anybdy to get close to her and here i was the nxt day, feeling like shit. The journey of my tortutres began from that day.For whole 1 year Samir used me wildly,like an animal, and later he use to say he loves me alot and cant stay wdout me.I had so many marks on my body all over, he use to say 'dese r my stamps over u' , if dat was love, i nvr wanted to b in love again,i use to cry, i even once tried to commit suicide but cud not, then one day, i told my parents about it wen i cudnt bear more. Dey shouted on me,My mother slapped me even but at last dey supported me. i left my studies in between and we came to this city, widout informing anyone."

She bursted out in tears, Suyash was sitting spellbound, he had tears in his eyes, he looked at her, she was crying inconsolably, he did not had da guts to speak anything to her, he just whispered, "i hate being a man if man can do dat to a girl, cry out dear, let all this flow." and wiped away his tears.

After few minutes he stood up, went and brought water wid him and gave it to her. She looked at him wid red eyes, wiped away her tears and drank the water. 

"i dont deserve all this Suyash, i dont, i may not be good but i dont deserve dis at all, hai naa?" she looked at him, he hugged her tightly, "No not at all, u dont desevr any such thing, u r just the best, dont worry all that s over, just over." they both held each other for a while then Suyash stood up to left, 

"thanks for coming, i feel light at heart now" she said on the door , "thank u for ur trust in me, and remeber u r my princess ok?" he asked, she nodded and he left.