Kashmaakash- a confused heart

Chapter 3

Few more days passed, but Devika cud not get dat incident out of her head, da words of dat boy use to echo in her mind. One day, she was not feeling well, she decide to take a day off, the same day a relative aunt of her came to visit dem, soon she heard she was talking about some guy she hav searched for her. Al dat discusiion just made her so depressed, she did not wanted to marry , atleast not so early. Let alone marriage, she has been running away from relationships for long, alhtough many times she has felt the need to hav dat special some one, but the horrifying past she once witnessed, had kept her away from falling in love.

She desperately wante to talk to someone, Ishan would just b da best to talk, she thot. Although she hadnt met Ishan very often personally, she just met him over fb, but he held a very special place in her heart. She had never trusted men more, but wid Ishan, things were diffrent, she use to feel him so supportive all the time bcoz this was da only guy whu did not tried to flirt or get cheap in about 1 year of deir friendship. He ws diffrnt from usual boys, he was calm, comaprtively introvert and was matured in words and actions too. She dialled his number, he picked it up.

"hey how r u Devika? i am extremly sorry i am busy somewhere, can we please talk in the evening?" 

She felt sad, but managed to smile and replied, "ofcourse, sure."

She sat back on the bed and her mind was swirling around, "wud i nevar get a guy whu will just b myn? whu wud do nythng to make me smile? whu wud get upset seeing me sad, whu wud leav evrythng and come to me to cheer me up? well may be NO. All this just happens in imaginations, real boys just know how to use girls, and then dey marry wid deir mumma's choice.I hate men...!" wid dat she digged her head in her pillow and started to cry. Eventually she was crying out loud but pillow was retaining her voice to come out.After a while wen she relaxed, she pick her cell and started to go through her phonebook, she was searching a number to talk, Amita? Surabhi? Nikhil? siddhart? Priya? Sherryn? Anu? no,.,. all must b busy wid deir offices, and she tossed back the phone. Few minutes later, she picked her phone and dialled to that unknown number.

"hullo" he said chirply.

"umm hi, " she said wid hesitation.

"banda at ur service mam, i knew nobody can forget me, so tell me, u missed me?" he was his usual cool self.

"Umm nooo i even dont knw ur name Mr." she said hiding her excitment.

"ooh sorry, my name is Suyash, so madam u r not well today?" he asked.

"oo ya, how did u know?" she asked suprisingly.

"i am spying at u, look at the right corner of ur room, if u look closely, u will see, i have fitted a cam over there." he said in a very seriou tone.

She sat straight, although she knew t was not possible, she did looked at the corner to check. 

"did u see? i know u did" and wid dat he bursted out laughing.

"no noo i didnt" she tried to defend herself, but she laughed too at her stupidity.

That started Devika and Suyash's sweet cute friendship. After meeting him, Devika had changed alot, evryone use to notie dat chnge in her, "r u dating sum1 miss?" once Amita asked her at office wen Devika was smiling remebring a funny conversation with Suyash, and she blushed, Gosh, Devika? she can blush..!!

Soon Suyash was treated like a son at Devika's house.He never got the invitaion to visit dem, he just forcefully invited himself over lunch once ,Devika's mother was too happy to feed sum1 whu was loving her food "aunty, awesome, u whud be the masterchef" was all Suyash was saying after evry byt,Devika smiled at his childshness.Devika's mother use to invite him often for lunch or evening snacks, soon he became the livliness of deir home, Devika was happy bcz her mother was happy to find a son alike.

But there was someone who was not liking all the changes, it was Ishan, whnvr he use to call Devika she was either busy t work or busr talking to Suyash over phone or busy serving him food and laughing wid him.He use to get so jealous but always kept it to himself bcoz Devika and him were not in any commitment, she was free and he shouldnt hav any proble mwid dat.Devika was confused, she was badly attracted to him, but ofcourse she was sure she was not in love, and somewhere whnver she use to see her mother happy and smiling wid Suyash, she use to wish for a husband whu wud treat her mother like his own bcoz aftr her brother, she now did not wanted to snatch away a daughter from her instead she wanted to give her a son back in the form of her son-in-law.Suyash was a great friend but husband?? Nooo, he wud nvr fit in da equation.

Days were passing by, Devika was badly falling for Suyash's lively behaviour, but her past was haunting her alot. And shockingly, she was feeling something too weird, she was comparing Ishan and Suyash at almost evry step as if she was unsure wat she want in life. But the major part was, neither Ishan, nor Suyash has ever proposed her, nor both of dem showed any signs of such. Suddenly, she felt too depressed, 'almost all girl of my age have got boyfriends, relationships, all my friends are committed but wats wrong wid me, why i never find anyone, am i that ugly? ' The more she think the more worried she got.

She was busy thinking all that, suddenly, IShan called,

"hey how is u?" he asked as she picked.

"m fyn, so wats up wid u dese days." she asked hiding her emotions.

"nothing, i am as usual, it seems u hav alot new thngs at ur side dese days, u r too busy always." Ishan said it straight.

She realised she had been ignoring him alot dese days, she instantly felt bad, "i am sorry." she said genuinely.

"dont be, r u seeing him? u two committed?" he asked in low voice.

She felt shocked and angry at same time.

"Hell no Ishan! wat made u think lyk dis?" she asked.

"nothing, just asked sorry if u felt bad." he apologised.

"Well, even if i am then why dooes it bother u?" she asked irritably.

"Umm, nothing, sorry again.lets talk tommorow, gudbye." he tried to avoid the topic.

"NOO wait, just answer me Damnit..! its been a year IShan, and i have been waiting, some day, at least some F*cking day u wud propose me, but u never did, u never realised how much i feel for u? never? u never realised my trust, my care my feelings? U ignored them all, wat Suyash is doing to me nowadys, i wanted u to do the same, to make me smile, to make me feel alive, to be by myside always but no, u just is impossible. Tell me now, i am just a friend for u ? If i am then whats ur problem if i get attched to sum1 else Ishaan wat is ur God damn problem?" she almost shouted on him, the frustration she was feeling for many days just came out, the lava burning inside her for so many months just burst out. She has been in luv (she thot it as a mere liking) wid Ishan since da day she talked to her first, but all she had been waiting was Ishan to sumday initiate, to speak about hs feeelings and she wud hav gladly accpted, but it never happened.Although dey use to talk for hour evryday, use to care for each other like lovers, but all this was unspoken between them.

Ishan kept quite for long, then he felt Devika was crying at the other end. He cud not bear dat.

"Dont cry please i beg u, stop it baccha i cant see u cry. I never knew u feel all dis for me, i never thot u wud ,, mean its like we belong to different worlds, its like, i mean.. i never thot.. i just.. " he did not knew how to react.

Devika on the other hand started to feel embarrased, IShan does not think of her in dat way, she felt like a fool whu was in one-sided love and she now even lost a gudfriend too, she just cud not utter anything and just disconnected the call.