Just For Show (EDITING)

Chapter 56 -" it's helps you keep your mind off things"

It's been a week since I moved into Liam's place. Of course I planned on finding a place on my own. But I guess I just needed time to figure it all out. Truth was, I just wanted some time to be a little reckless.

I had so many rules when being a part of All Oblivion, I didn't feel like myself half the time. I had to keep up this persona that had built out for the media. I was done with all that bullshit now. I was gonna be the Cailin Reed I wanted to be.

As I looked at my reflection through the elevator mirror, I knew that this was a new beginning for me. I needed a new me and the blonde hair was a start.

Going completely blonde wasn't something I ever thought I would do since I had always been a brunette.

But as soon as I walked into Liam's apartment with my new hair, Liam quickly noticed something was different. At first, I swear he didn't even recognize me. Only when he looked me directly in the eyes did he noticed it was me. His eyes then traveled down my long blonde hair.

" woah" was all he manage to say at my surprise.

" do you hate it?" I chuckled at his reaction.

Liam got up from the kitchen chair and walked over closer to me. His fingers touched the ends of my new colored hair gently.

" I like it, it's just really different" he smiled back.

" well I need to go get ready" I smiled before heading towards the guest room I had been staying in.

" isn't that the third night in a row you're going out?" Liam question.

I turned around with my eye brows raised.

" what is that supposed to mean?" I asked

"never mind" Liam shook his head and went back to typing on his laptop.

I rolled my eyes and went to go get ready in my temporary room. I quickly took off my white tee and threw it to the corner where all the rest of my dirty clothes were. I then dug through my duffle bag, looking for whatever party dress I could find.

Instead, my hands found another article of clothing.

It was Harry's sweatshirt.

As I brought it up near my face, I could still smell Harry's scent on it. A mixture of his own scent and his cologne. It brought me back to the very first time I put on one of his sweatshirts. I think it was Zayn's birthday on that yacht. I had jumped off the yacht and Harry had jumped after me. As I remembered that night, I also remembered everything I was feeling. I was blaming only myself for the mistakes of others. That only led me to be put in a hospital.

As a single tear escaped down my cheeks, I put the sweatshirt back in my bag and ripped out a little black dress. The last thing I needed to think about was Harry. I had done such a good job with that for the last couple of days.

Truth was that alcohol had taken a big part in the process but at least it worked.

My hair and make-up had already been done at the salon down the street so it didn't take long for me to get ready. I was excited to show off my new hair. It was something that was a bit of a change but I felt like it was the right thing for me at the moment.

A new era, maybe.

I finish putting on my heels and get a text from Ronny. That's when I know to head down stairs for the crazy night to come.

" you look so hot!" Ronny squealed as she looked at my hair.

" let's just hope I stay that way" I laughed as Ronny gave me a glass of champagne. The driver quickly began driving through the streets of Manhattan.

We reach the night club Ronny had been raving about. She kept saying that not a lot of celebrities knew about it which made it that much greater because it meant a lot less paparazzi. Pulling to the front of the club, I noticed only a few men with cameras. Hopefully I looked too different for them to even recognize me.

But as soon as the car door was opened for me and Ronny, a few flashes came our way. I kept my head down but with a small smile plastered on my face. I wanted everyone to know how well I was doing  post everything that happened, even thought it wasn't always true. The alcohol helped though.

Walking into the club felt like any other night I had gone out this week. I was more than ready to put my problems to the back of my mind and dance the night away. The first thing we did was go straight to the bar. She order two shots of tequila for each of us. After those, we went straight for the dance floor.

This was all I needed right now. 

But my mind like always, began betraying me. I wanted to go back in time where everything was okay. As much as I was having fun now, I knew that this was only temporary. My life wasn't going to be a dance party forever.

As the alcohol went straight to my bladder, I walked over the bathroom with Ronny nowhere in sight. But when I walked inside the busy bathroom, I saw the last person I thought to see.

Willow.

She looked different from the last time I saw her in LA. She looked thinner, cheeks hollow. Her eyes had dark bags underneath then. It shocked me seeing her like that because she had always looked so healthy, at least up until these last couple of months.

Her eyes made contact with mind and it was like everything froze. By the look on her face she had heard about everything. She had heard about my disaster of a life. My eyes drifted down to whatever was in her hands. Some sort of white powder. By the way Willow had it lined up, I knew it was cocaine.

Willow was doing drugs, something she had swore years ago she would never do. Then again, I didn't seem to know her anymore.

" I like your hair" she said

" thanks" I half smiled.

She noticed my eyes were still on the lined up cocaine because that's when she offered it to me.

" want some?" she asked.

But I didn't say anything. It was something I had never tried. My mind was still deciding whether I should or not. My mind was going a million different direction, maybe due to the alcohol in my system.

" it's helps you keep your mind off things" she said.

She didn't need to say anything after that because immediately I accepted her offer. I needed to keep my mind off of just about everything. Maybe this was my answer.

As I snorted the white powder through a rolled up dollar bill, I felt my worries float away.

I just didn't realize that the beginning of this would have such an awful end.

~

I just wanna take a moment to knowledge those how have been affected by the tragedy in Paris. My thoughts and prayers are with you as we witness this terror. It's sad that we live in a world where we have to live in fear. I hope that one day we can all live in love and peace and accept each other the way we are.

i tried updating earlier but life happens 

what did you think of Cailin's tranformation?

what do you think of how Cailin is handling her issues?

I hope you all liked the chapter 

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