It's a Funny Story

20 reasons why Jacab Black is way better then Edward Cullen

1. Edward is perfect. too perfect. And that’s exactly the problem.

I mean, sure, at first glance, perfection sounds awesome. Not only can your man fight off other vampires, run at practically the speed of light, sparkle (really, really sparkle), and play the piano like Mozart, but he’s hot, too. But then you have to realize that he, and not you, is perfect. And here’s when the constant shadows of inadequacy begin to kick in. Think about it. How much would it suck to live in that shadow for the rest of your life (which, by the way, is going to be a long ass time because of your newfound immortality)? … Yeah, I wouldn’t be too happy about it either.

2. Jacob has never abandoned anybody in the woods for “their own good.” And you know damn well that if Bella had a bone of common sense in her body, she would not simply take him back after he waltzes back into her life, regardless of how sexy and sparkly he is. And even if she did – oh, yeah, wait, she did – there’s no way she could avoid the inevitable trust and abandonment issues that would follow – oh yeah, wait, she did. Somehow. Vampire love transcends all or something. Wow, Stephenie Meyer. Way to promote a strong-willed female character... Anyway, this isn’t about bashing Bella, it’s about promoting a seriously underappreciated character. Moving on.

3. Did I mention that Edward is boring? I mean, seriously, think about it. When do he and Bella laugh? When do he and Bella actually have fun? Other than a super-saiyan-level baseball game with Carlisle’s family and that one sex scene in that should have broken Bella’s pelvis, there’s not much. They’re too busy trying to live the Greatest Love Story Ever Told to have fun. Now Jacob, on the other hand, knows how to have a good time. I’m sure he’d be up for a trip to the beach (be it chilling on the sand bars or leaping off jagged cliffs), or getting in a good old-fashioned tickle fight. Ah, but oh-so-proper Edward is too refined for such childish games!

4. Edward drives a Volvo. For one thing, Volvos are frightfully boring (hey, am I sensing a trend here?); if I had gratuitous amounts of money to spend on some sweet wheels, I’d pick an awesome Italian model, like Alice’s. But no, everyone’s favorite vampire chooses the reliable family vehicle for soccer moms. Jacob, on the other hand, rides a motorcycle… ;D

5. If you’re in the mood for canoodling (particularly when you’re snuggling up for warmth), you’d have just about as much success cuddling with Edward as you would cuddling with a block of ice. Jacob, however, maintains a nice toasty internal temperature of 108.9 degrees. The body heat resonating off of him would feel fantastic under the covers… you may take that statement however you like. ;)

6. The nice thing about being with a werewolf is you that don’t have to sacrifice your humanity, your immortal soul, or your family to date him. No matter how dreamy a man (or vampire) is, he’s not worth selling your soul over, especially at the age of 17 (or 18, depending on which book we’re talking).

7. Let’s see? Other than her own shortcomings, what’s most likely to kill Bella? James, Victoria, The Volturi, other “non-vegetarian” vampires, and Edward himself. Now, let me get this straight: Edward doesn’t like her being around Jacob because it’s “dangerous”, when just about every member of his species is out to kill Bella. I mean, yeah, Emily got her face maimed (note: not by Jacob), but I would think that murder and a thirst for blood trumps a facial injury, no? Edward, not Jacob, is the one that puts her in mortal danger in every book.

8. I have said this once, and I will say it many times: I prefer my men with a pulse, thanks.

9. Jacob’s got a pack of hot werewolves to hook your friends up with. All the “good” (read: slightly less likely to kill you) male vampires are spoken for. Sorry, ladies.

10. Stephenie Meyer, particularly in New Moon, draws references between Bella and Edward to Romeo and Juliet. And we all know what happened to Romeo and Juliet.

11. When you suck face with a vampire, you have to be aware of the fact that he thirsts for your blood, and that all this passion could make him snap. When you make out with a werewolf, the only problem is that the whole pack knows what you’re up to. ;D

12. Apparently, vampires have a sweet scent, and their skin sparkles in the sun like diamonds. That’d be great if you were into femboys, but I’m not big on this effeminate fancy-dancy style. I like my men to be… well, manly. And aside from his rippling muscles and what have you, Edward is definitely not manly.

13. And if none of the above convinces you: When Jacob transforms, his clothes explode right off. Yay! :D

14.If you go type in "Abusive Relationship" in your Google search bar, you'll find websites about how a boyfriend who handles your finances compulsivly, abandons you all the time, AND doesn't let you see your friends or family is a bad boyfriend to be with.

He is physically harmful. He is OBVIOUSLY emotionally harmful. And he has no sense on his shoulders about what is right for Bella. Well... I shouldn't say that. Um... To refrase that... He has no sense about how to act on what is right for Bella.

I mean he knows that having sex with her could crush her pelvis. But he does it anyway. He knows that Bella is accident prone and could die out in the woods, but he leaves her there totally alone anyway.

And so on and so forth...

15. Bella called Jacob beautiful. Soo, suck it. :)

16. Jacob is more likely to fall for you the first time he sees you because of who you are not because your blood smells delightful to him. I think Edward can easily agree with that.

17. Jacob gives you handmade gifts. Edward's gifts are not handmade, so do not have that touch that makes you go: Ohhh you did that, how sweet?

18. Dogs/Puppies are better than leeches.

19.Werewolves can throw a party; whereas vampires have to be careful. One cut from glass and you may never see the light of day.

20. He's loyal to Bella, a good friend. Edward leaves her. See my point?

So thats my long list. Btw, I am NOT saying I hate Edward. He is hot, amazing and what not. I would take him over all the guys I knew. I'm just saying I PREFER Jacob (for the reasons mentioned) I respect your decision, if you are team Edward.

And if none of that has made you see the light, you are hopeless! Bah, fine then! You take your sparkly statue vampire man! More Jacob for me. :D