1. Introduce yourself as “Captain Awesome”
2. Excuse yourself as you have to ‘go poop’.
3. Go grocery shopping.
4. Steal a car.
5. Challenge them to a duel.
6. Challenge them to an arm wrestle.
7. Talk about how much you miss your ex-boyfriend or girlfriend.
8. Say: “You looked hotter on Facebook”.
9. Ask if they should really be eating that much.
10. Order tequila shots as dinner drinks.
11. Go to McDonalds.
12. Go to the laundromat.
13. Go crazy.
14. Top everything your date says: “You went skydiving? That’s nothing! I once landed a jumbo jet using nothing but my earlobes! Ha! I win!”
15. Start a fight with a homeless person.
16. Gargle.
17. Break-dance.
18. Practice kung fu.
19. Belch while saying the alphabet.
20. Pick your nose.
21. Pick your date’s nose.
22. Pick a stranger’s nose.
23. Swear at random people as you drive by.
24. Dance naked with the devil in the pale moonlight.
25. Show them how you can fit your whole fist in your mouth.
26. Bring your parole officer with you.
27. Bleed.
28. Mention your collection… Of anything.
29. Channel the spirit of your goldfish Bubbles (R.I.P.)
30. Describe something as “Totally gangsta!”
31. Eat tuna fish.
32. Eat garlic.
33. Eat tuna fish with garlic.
34. Mention that the doctor said you were “clean” now.
35. Flex.
36. Use baby talk. . . Even to a baby.
37. Fart.
38. Talk about Johnny Depp.
39. Talk about vampires named Edward.
40. Get drunk.
41. Get them drunk.
42. Arrive late.
43. Arrive with someone else.
44. Forget to arrive at all.
45. Forget their name.
46. Spontaneously combust.
47. Get arrested.
48. Tell them you love them.
49. Tell them you want to have their babies.
50. Tell them you’re desperate.
51. Call them ugly.
52. Complain about how expensive the food is.
53. Complain about your job.
54. Complain about not having a job.
55. Flirt with the waitress or waiter.
56. Send phone messages to more interesting people.
57. Answer your phone. . . Especially if you answer with “Hey I’m glad you called. I’m on a date and it’s not going very well.”
58. Check your watch repeatedly.
59. Bring a coupon for the restaurant.
60. Talk about how bad your childhood was.
61. Brag about how high your salary is.
62. Whinge about how low your salary is.
63. Try to finish their sentences.
64. Forget to finish your own sentences.
65. Commit murder.
66. Give away the ending of a recent movie.
67. Cry like a baby.
68. Get your tongue pierced.
69. Mess with Chuck Norris.
70. Explain why you think Ghandi was a Satanist.
71. Rap.
72. Pretend you’re a psychic.
73. Pretend you’re a potato.
74. Pretend they’re a potato.
75. Use chopsticks to eat soup.
76. Hide behind your hands, then pop out and say “Peekaboo!”
77. Order food that clearly doesn’t exist: Like a guava and ostrich pizza, with extra Oreos. Act surprised when the restaurant doesn’t have it.
78. Pay for dinner with pennies.
79. Laugh manically every time your date looks at you.
80. Guess their weight.
81. Order a salad. . . Then cover it in gravy.
82. Order a coke. . . Then cover it in gravy.
83. Cover your date in gravy.
84. Talk to your food.
85. Pretend your food talks back.
86. Explain why washing your hands after you go to the bathroom “really isn’t necessary”.
87. Scratch your groin thoroughly and often.
88. Say, “Pull my finger!”
89. Tell them that you shave your tongue.
90. Mention that your nickname is “Flaccid”.
91. Ask them for a “High 5″.
92. Suggest ‘Saw IV’ as a nice romantic movie to see together.
93. Express your desire to evolve into a Teletubbie.
94. Tell your date that you are AMAZING in bed.
95. Tell your date that you are TERRIBLE in bed.
96. Order the meals in French, even though you are at a Chinese restaurant.
97. Call Santa Claus a communist sympathiser.
98. Repeat everything your date says.
99. Ask them if their face is contagious.
100. Ask if they have any haemorrhoid cream. Explain it’s an emergency.
101. Try a light-hearted impersonation of your date. . . Including dress and makeup.
102. Offer them a lift home in your spaceship.
103. Ask them if they have any sheep. Act insulted if they say no.
104. Offer to get them a great deal on a second-hand car.
105. Offer to get them a great deal on a second-hand toothbrush.
106. Tell them you are a writer for www.how-to-love-your-relationship.com
107. Ask, “Is it cool if I borrow 50 bucks? Or maybe like. . a grand?”
108. Forget to wear deodorant.
109. Forget to wear pants.
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It's a Funny Story
Humor◇Completed◇ Need a laugh. You are now entering Funny World. Where you can laugh your heart out. Cover by: lamorphine
