It's a Funny Story

A to Z of Ex-Boyfriends

A is for ASSHOLE, you know, that word I shout at him as I
drive by.

B is for Bitter. Who, me?? No way. I really hope things
between them do work out. I can’t think of two better
losers to get off the streets.

C is for Call ya later. He won’t. He never has before.

C is also for competing. “I feel worse than you do, you
can shovel the walk.”

D is for Dumped. Does D need to be explained?

E is for Eating like a pig. God, does he always have to
know what the bottom of the bowl looks like?

F is for foreplay. Yes, I know he doesn’t know what it
is, that’s why it’s on the list.

F is for forgetting my birthday, you jerk.

G is for Guys. Who he was supposedly out with, and also
who wears perfume like mine.

H is for Horny. He always is, except when I am.

I stands for ignorant, slobbering jerk.

J stands for jerk off. Yes, that’s what he can do tonight,
because I won’t do it for him.

K stands for kiss, something he can’t do without slobbering
down his tongue and on my face.

L is for Love. It’s a great euphoric feeling that exists
somewhere in fantasy land.

M stands for Mephistophiles. That is who he imitates.

N stands for No, a word he never seems to understand.

O is for “Oh, was it your birthday last week?”

P is for pee, what he does out in public in the front yard
because he forgot when he walked past the bathroom.

Q is for quote, “My birthday is next Thursday,” unquote.
(See F and O)

R is for reminding, because I have to remind him of all
holidays, birthdays and anniversaries.

S stands for stood up. Something he thinks I will forget
about.

S is also or sex. Something he won’t get later because I
remember the previous S.

T is for torture. Where do I start?

U is for Understatement. Saying you hate that fucking
asshole is an understatement.

V is for vermin–most of his family.

W stands for whine, need I say more.

X is for ex, the one he never shuts up about.

Y stands for younger, and wishing he was.

Z (I know where z is) Z stands for zip, that’s what I got
from him.