The First Lost Girl

Chapter Thirty-Four: You're Like A Brother To Me

Rufio's P.O.V.
I stood on the shore of the Northern beach, facing the ocean. I just listened to the sound of the crashing waves and breathed in the salty smelling breeze as it brushed over my skin and through my hair. The sun was just coming up, it's rays barely starting to warm me.
I thought about the previous night and everything that had happened. I had danced with Felix. I've never known of him dancing before, but he did last night, and he must've known how because he did it well. I remember the warm feeling inside of me when he took ahold of my hands. At first I had thought that he wouldn't, but he had. We danced until Pan said it was time for bed. Felix led me back to the tent, still holding my hand. We had had fun dancing together. And that's what it was. Just a game. Something to entertain us after dinner. A dance around the Bon fire, and a kiss on the forehead, wishing me a goodnight. Then it was over.
I'm certain of my feelings now. But I am still scared. I feel like I should keep my thoughts to myself. My secret. I was too scared to confront him. So now it must be this way. A secret forever kept, and never released.
The sounds of crunching leaves and brushing branches tugged me from my thoughts.
"Rufio?" It was Devin. "What are you doing out here so early?"
A gave a small shrug.
"Just thinking."
I heard him walking closer.
"About what?"
I chewed my lip.
"Things."
"Awe. C'mon. Can't you share some?" He asked sitting down to the right of me.
I smirked.
"No."
He chuckled.
"I guess I wouldn't understand anyways. A girl's mind is too complicated to explain itself or its thoughts."
I raised an eyebrow but didn't comment.
And so we sat. He, more than likely watching the sunset, and I, sitting in the dark.
"Never gets old." He sighed.
I looked in his direction.
"What?"
"Watching the sunrise, especially on the ocean. It's absolutely breath taking."
I looked down. I wished I could have seen it.
"Oh, geez, I'm sorry Rufio, I didn't mean to-"
"It's alright." I said, cutting him off. "What's a beautiful sunrise to feeling sand between your toes, smelling salt in the air, and listening to the waves?" I asked, although I didn't exactly see how sensing all those things were better than seeing them, or even better than having them all.
For a while there was only the sounds of the ocean, until Devin broke the silence.
"Do you miss it?"
I didn't need to ask what he meant, I knew what he was talking about.
"Being able to see and all?" He continued.
"Yes." I whispered. I lifted my head back up, looking out to where the sun and ocean and sky should have been, instead only seeing the darkness that was now always there.
"But you can still see through your other senses."
"Maybe that is so, but I cannot feel color. Or smell the sunshine. I cannot hear the silver light of the moon, nor the stars. Yes I can see through those senses, but I will never see those things through my eyes again. I didn't realize what a gift sight was until I lost it."
I took a deep shaky breath, trying to force my tears back down.
"I'll never be able to see you boys again. I'll never be able to see anyone again."
"Yes you can." Devin said. "Rufio, look at me."
I don't think he understood what he was asking if me.
"I can't." I whispered. "You don't understand-"
"No, you don't understand." I felt him grab my hands and pull them up to rest on his face. "Look at me." He repeated, calmer now. "Feel me."
I understood now. He was reminding me how to see again. How to see through my fingers. All of his teaching and advising came back to me to help me see him again.
I gently grazed my fingers over his face. I felt every different etch of his face. Every curve and divot. My hands were on each side of his face now, my thumbs rested on his cheek bones.
"Can you see me?" He whispered.
I nodded, a tear tracing its way down my own face. I felt him smile softly.
Then I felt him leaning in and before I could realize what was happening, I felt his lips on mine. They were soft, and his kiss was sincere, but I did not kiss back. I brought my hands back down and away from his face.
He pulled away slowly. I looked down.
"Rufio?" His voice sounded a bit worried.
"Devin, I...I don't feel that way about you." I said quietly.
He didn't reply. I looked back up.
"I do love you Devin. But..."
"Yes?"
"You're like a brother to me." I took his hands. "That is the way I feel. I don't mean to hurt you, but I can't change it. I hope you understand...please don't hate me Devin, I-"
"It's alright Rufio." He said. I could hear a small smile in his voice. "It's not that I...well, I knew I cared about you, but I wasn't sure how. I guess...I guess kissing you was the only way I could find that out. I wasn't sure if I cared about you like...or if I cared about you like a sister. That cleared it up a bit I guess. Didn't it, sis?"
He asked, giving a half hearted chuckle and nudging me with his shoulder.
I tried my best to muster up a smile.
"Yes, it did, brother."