The Sirius Effect

Please Keep Your Friend's Hands to Himself...

"I don't know why you antagonize her, mate, I really don't." James remarked as he playfully kicked his best friend.

"Did you see that git touch her?" Sirius growled as Remus and Peter sighed. Remus in exasperation. Peter in remembrance.

"Lucius is gonna kill us this year. I just know it." Remus mumbled as Sirius glared at him.

"Ain't no Slytherin gonna touch me! Lucius Malfoy was just lucky I didn't want to hit his sister!" Sirius growled again. James chuckled.

"I still cannot believe you like her, Pads. Seriously every time you see each other, you look like you want to tear each other to shreds." James commented as Remus nodded to agree with him, Peter simply nodding because he didn't want to be left out.

"Have you looked at her lately? The girl is fine!" Sirius argued as if her looks made up for everything.

"She looks like her brother to me." Remus remarked, his nose buried in yet another book.

"She looks like sex on legs." Sirius argued. He groaned before running his hand through his raven tresses.

"Ah, Damnit. I'm gonna go relieve myself now! Seeing her got me all riled up." He winked at his friends before disappearing out of the corridor, in search of his next shag. James sighed, his eyes searching the compartment for something to relieve his boredom. Peter sat, practically bouncing in his seat for some unwarranted attention. Remus still had his nose buried in his book.

"Ugh, that's incorrigible, Black!" A shrill voice squealed as James perked up at the sound.

"Lily!" He exclaimed as he jumped out the compartment, ready to come to his love's rescue.

"Honestly, Black! That's my friend!" Lily growled as she folded her arms across her chest. Her emerald eyes flashed dangerously as her flaming red hair was pinned back by a couple of hairclips. James easily crept up on the infuriated red head and smothered her in a hug.

"Lily, I missed you!" He gushed as she frowned at him.

"James, get your friend off of my friend." She growled as she pointed at said friends, practically tearing each other's clothes off.

"Sorry, Lils. Can't. Had a little encounter with the Slytherin bunch." Lily sighed. Great, she thought. She left Sirius Black and her friend to their shagging, following James back to the Marauder compartment.

"Was she in this bunch you encountered?" Lily asked as all three boys nodded.

"That explains it then. Honestly how can he like her? She reminds me of a Barbie doll!" Lily exclaimed.

"Barbie doll?" James asked in confusion as Remus looked up, smiling.

"It's a muggle toy. A replica of an ideal woman, blonde, hourglass figure, blue eyes, basically Malfoy in plastic." Remus concluded as James nodded his head, understanding immediately.