rainfall | ashton irwin au | completed

twenty one

With everything that was going on, I should not have been feeling the sharp pangs of jealousy in my chest as Ashton and Grace murmured to one another behind the door—the edge of it slightly ajar—of Anna's spare bedroom. Worrying if he was interested in somebody else should have been the least of my problems, but as I watched Grace run her slender fingers over Ashton's torso and smirk flirtatiously at him, that was all that I could think about.

I couldn't make out what they were saying, Grace's soft voice no more than a whisper against my distant ears, but Ashton didn't seem too uncomfortable with her close proximity. I wasn't surprised when she leaned in to kiss him, but I was hurt, so much so that I had to walk away.

I sneaked out of Anna's house before anybody could notice that I had gone and walked straight into the pouring rain, instantly heading in the direction of the forest. I shouldn't have been outside on my own with Josh still taunting us, but I couldn't stay cooped up in that house with Ashton after what I had just witnessed.

I didn't expect anything less, really. There had been a constant nagging in the back of my head since Ashton and I had kissed for the first time, telling me that I wasn't good enough and he deserved better. I just hoped that he wouldn't have realised so soon.

"Lilah, where are you going?!" I hadn't noticed that I was being followed until I turned around to find Luke stood leaning against a tree, panting slightly as raindrops dripped from his damp hair. "You shouldn't be out here on your own!"

I pulled my hood up in an attempt to hide my pained expression. "I just needed some air," I shouted over the heavy pattering of the rain against the fallen leaves.

He shook his head. "You're literally the most reckless person I've ever met," he huffed. "It's no wonder you're always in trouble."

I hesitated, biting my lip. "I'm sorry. I just needed to get out of that house. I didn't think anybody would notice."

"Of course we would notice. Anna is constantly asking where you are," his voice was soft as he took another step towards me. "She's worse than my mother."

I chuckled despite the fact that tears had sprang to my eyes. I hardly ever cried, but I suddenly felt so vulnerable that I could collapse on the ground and never get up again. Everything that had happened since summer began had caught up to me, and I couldn't handle it anymore. It had been building up for too long, and now I felt like I was about to crumble from the aching in my heart.

"Woah, what's the matter?" Luke instantly took in my changed expression and his blue eyes searched for some kind of answer. "Has something happened? Is it Josh?"

I shook my head hopelessly. "I'm fine." My voice cracked as it tried to escape from the lump in my throat, and I mentally cursed it for betraying me.

"You're not. What is it?"

I felt like there was a wall inside of me, and it had stayed sturdy for too long against the ocean waves that had washed over me each time something bad had happened, but now the waves were too big. They were gushing over the wall, taking my body with it. I bit my tongue in an attempt to stay calm, but it was too late. "I'm so tired, Luke. I want this to be over, and I want to be enough, and I want to go home and pretend like everything's normal."

Luke pulled me into his arms as tears rolled down my cheeks. I hoped that they would mingle with the rain rather than show my weakness, but my sobs were too strong to hide now.

"What do you mean you want to be enough?"

"For Ashton," I croaked. "He kissed Grace, and I don't blame him. Why would he want me when he could have her?"