rainfall | ashton irwin au | completed

nineteen

"Lilah, can you please just tell us what's going on?" Grace sighed as if she was bored.

I snapped my head up just in time to see Leah shooting a glare at her, and my cheeks heated up with the sudden realisation that everybody had just watched me break down. I had never cried in front of anybody before. I didn't want to cry in front of anybody again.

I sighed, wiping the last of my tears away with my black sweater and pulling away from the warmth of Ashton's chest slowly. He instantly clutched my hand, the forest in his eyes consumed by thunder and rain. He was worried, and it was no wonder. I had thrown myself onto him without thinking, not realising that he had no idea what was going on. I had barely even noticed that the others were there until I felt Leah stroking my back cautiously and Anna aimlessly telling me that it would 'be okay.' I disagreed.

"When I was in the basement," I began hesitantly, "Josh told me something."

"Whatever he said to you, he was lying. He was probably just trying to hurt you," Ashton intervened, squeezing my hand in reassurance.

I pulled it away, wondering if he knew. He could have done. He could have been hiding it from me all this time. "He wasn't lying about this."

"About what?" Luke questioned impatiently.

I curled my fingers into my palms, frustration boiling in my veins. "If you let me talk, I'll tell you!"

The group looked shocked, but I couldn't feel guilty. "Sorry," Luke mumbled with raised eyebrows.

"Josh is my brother." I didn't have the energy to drag my confession out any longer, and they didn't seem to have the patience. Before they could interrupt me again I continued. "I didn't think it was true at first, but I asked my mother. She told me that she gave him up when she had him because he inherited her dark magic."

The group was stunned, but the sadness and anger had been drained out of me now, replaced with a numbness that seemed to bury itself in my heart and seep through every fibre of my body. I was glad for it.

"I need some air," I decided, pulling myself off the couch before Ashton could try and pull me closer again.

Outside, it seemed like a normal day, and I found it strange how the world was still turning when our lives had been shaken around like a couple of broken biscuits in a tin. My life was slowly crumbling, and I didn't know how much more I could take.

I closed my eyes and tried to focus on the way the leaves would rustle against the slight breeze, finding solace for the first time in a while. It was nice, but short-lived. Ashton came out no more than two seconds later, the door gently clicking as he shut it behind him.

"Did you know?" I asked, no longer able to pretend like everything was fine. My skin crawled from just wondering if he had kept it a secret from me.

"What?" He stepped in front of me so that I was no longer able to stare at the road in an attempt to avoid his gaze. "Are you serious?"

"You worked with them for weeks, Ashton. Surely they must have said something."

Ashton rolled his eyes, wearing a harsh expression. "You honestly think I'd hide something like that from you?" His words were laced with a bitterness that would have stung my eyes with more tears if I didn't feel so empty.

"I don't know. I don't know what you would do. I don't know anything anymore," I answered honestly. My voice didn't sound like my own anymore; it was void of any emotion. I wasn't even the moody girl I had once been. I wasn't really anything.