I like saying "No", it lowers their enthusiasm (FANFICTION RANT)

Chapter 13: "MY IMMORTAL" THE NOTORIOUSLY AWFUL FANFIC

A/N:

Hey there! Sorry I haven't updated in a while, guys, I was kinda preoccupied, but anyways, here's the new chapter, please enjoy! :)

I'm sure we've all heard or "My Immortal" by some fucktard called Tara Gilesbie, the notoriously, internet-famous legendary fanfic that every single fanfiction writer/reader knows, right? Why is it famous? Because it's so GOSH AWFUL. Before I read it (by the way, I only read it a few hours ago), I assumed that it was just another mediocre fic and the flamers and critiques may have been exaggerating a teensy-weensy bit, but now that I've read it... Oh gosh. I can't even use human words to describe that trash. Utter bullshit would be too kind, don't you think? It's the kind of story that, if it were a paper-and-print book, should be used to wash the toilet with- no, wait, the toilet shouldn't be soiled with that excrement. It's the stuff that people use to wipe up their dog's feces with, and even the dog would say, I don't want that shit on my ass, please don't touch me with it. It's just that awful. There are so many things wrong with it, it would take me years to list them all out in detail, but here's just the main things I have observed.

1. First of all, you don't describe your character's appearance and outfit in the mo****fucking first paragraph. That's what NOOBS do. Don't start your story with, "Hi my name is Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way and I have long ebony black hair (that's how I got my name) with purple streaks and red tips that that reaches my mid-back and icy blue eyes that look like limpid tears..." <-- Exclusive extract from "My Immortal".

2. What sort of fucking Mary-Sue name is "Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way"????? So, the author claims that Ebony is not a Mary-Sue. Most often, the names tell you whether or not they're a Sue. They probably have like three to four middle names and some crackpot-assed weird exotic names like "Ebony" and "Dementia". I hope Tara Fucktardie is reading this, because for your information Dementia is a mental disease that old people get. Not to mention, my great aunt suffers from dementia so that's just... offensive.

3. GRAMMAR AND SPELLING. Don't make your OC's name really long if you can't fucking spell it. Even now, I'm confused whether Tara's OC's name is "Ebony", "Evony", or "Enoby". At least three variations of the name appear in the story, so which is it? Also, the first paragraph is a horrible run-on sentence. You need punctuation. Dayum, I don't think Tara Fucktardie's parents wasted all that money on her education so that she could butcher the English language. I mean seriously, it's just ridiculous! Book characters don't use instant message language every time they talk. Since when do people say "OMFG!" or "Plz" or "Thx" when they TALK??

4. The canon characters are out of character. Oh great god above, where do I start?? Since when were Harry Potter, Ron Weasley, and Draco Malfoy emos? and satanists at that? Where's Hermione Granger, huh? And Voldemort DOES NOT talk in Shakespearean English! When in the whole entire Harry Potter series do we hear Voldemort say "Thy" or "Thou" or "Shalt"? Most of all, Lupin, (apparently Tara Fucktardie misspelt his name as "Loopin")Hagrid and Snape (she also misspelled it as "Snap") aren't pedophiles. I'm pretty sure of that (even though I think Snape is a major prick and I hate him). Dumbledore doesn't cuss like a sailor either!

5. Each chapter is less than 300 words long. Does Tara Fucktardie even read paper books? I strongly doubt she even knows what "Paper" is. I don't think any real books, even novellas, have only 300 words in each chapter.

6. Oh god, not the vampires again! Aw man, come on! What's with this vampire craze, and why's the whole fucking world made up of Edward Cullens?? Did Mr. Sparklypants take over the world or something? Dear Tara Fucktardie, (No, I'm not going to use your proper name because you don't deserve any other name) the world is not made up of goths, emos, and vampires! I think I've covered vampires in another chapter so I'm not going to put too much of that bs in here.

7. Um, what's My Chemical Romance doing in Hogsmeade? I'm not sure when MCR had anything to do with Harry Potter at all! I'm sure that they would be muggles and therefore have no idea where Hogwarts or Hogsmeade are! While we're on the topic, "My Immortal" brings shame to both the MCR fandom and the Harry Potter fandom. If either J.K. Rowling or Gerard Way read "My Immortal" I think they'd die of bursting an artery- or laughing to death if they take it as some sort of parody or joke. Apparently MCR is viewed as some sort of stereotypical emo angsty teen thing. I'm honestly offended by that, because I like MCR and I'm neither angsty or emo.

8. Speaking of emos... Tara Fucktardie obviously thinks of self harm as something normal, casual, even fun. I don't think she's aware that self harm is a big problem in society, and it's mostly cause by mental illnesses like depression, bipolar disorder, anxiety disorder, panic disorder, and others? Self harm isn't something cool kids do. It's something unhappy or psychologically unwell kids do. Quoting Tara Fucktardie, she said that she'd slit her wrists if "we" flamed. Oh, so you like to slit your wrists, dear darling Tara? How about I slit open your throat? Would that satisfy you? To tell the truth I feel very, very compelled to do so. Please consider carefully before you make a fatal mistake.

9. So, um... is Ebony/Evony/Enoby a psychedelic drug addict? It's mentioned somewhere that "I (Ebony) hid in the bathroom and smoked pot" or something like that. Neither self harm or drug abuse are funny, okay? I'm not really going to elaborate on this point. End of story.

10. It's also mentioned that Ebony/Evony/Enoby has depression. "I was feeling a little depressed, so I slit one of my wrists." Like I said, self harm isn't casual. If you want to include the themes of depression and self aggression, why is it so fucking casual??? Wouldn't an emo want to relay all their pain and inner hidden suffering in dramatic detail before committing self harm? I would actually prefer it if self harm wasn't in the story in the first place!

11. Love within 200 word count? Okay, so "love at first sight". That shit isn't real, do us all a favor and wake up, Tara Fucktardie. What are you, a three-year-old watching Disney's Cinderella? What some people call "love at first sight" probably means "physical attraction", or in other words, a crush. It can lead up to a romance but it's impossible that two strangers actually fall in love after seeing each other. Romance happens over a period of time. End of story.

A/N: Phew! Ah, I feel kinda lazy. I'm back in action though so keep an eye out, I'll update soon! Bye!