I like saying "No", it lowers their enthusiasm (FANFICTION RANT)

Chapter 9: LOTR- THE TRAGIC HOLLYWOOD PRODUCTION THAT THEY CALL A MOVIE SERIES

Author's Note: Hi! This rant is a request from one of my readers, @LionessSister,and in case you're wondering, I'm still open for rant requests. Same conditions as before, post in comments, or IM me on my profile. Thanks guys.

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*Back to ranting*

I think Peter Jackson, the director of the LOTR (Lord of the Rings) and The Hobbit movies just practically destroyed the series. To make things clear, I DO NOT hate the books. I LOVE THEM. I AM A FAN. It's just that Peter Jackson made it so CLICHE! OH MY BARF. It is officially weird. For example, in The Hobbit, they just HAD to add in an OC of their own (didn't I make it clear HOW MUCH I hate OC's??) And also, what did poor Legolas do to deserve being stuck in the film????? He's not even supposed to be in The Hobbit; he's in Lord of the Rings (if you're not a LOTR fan, The Hobbit, strictly speaking, is technically not part of the trilogy. It's part of the same franchise, just a prequel to the story. Back to my rant: The annoying movie OC: Tauriel. She's not even part of the book. Okay, I appreciate the director's appreciation of feminism, in his need to add a female character, but she's just another "perfect girl" stereotype. She's graceful and pretty (and definitely SKINNY), has good comebacks, and is an overly skilled warrior blah blah blah all that shit. Definitely a Mary Sue. Probably based on the director's idea of a perfect woman. Also, she's ridiculous because: CROSS SPECIES ROMANCE. It disgusts me. What kind of elf would fall in love with a DWARF (Kili the dwarf)? OMFG. It is FUCKING WRONG. Look at the height difference! She's like, sky-high, and he's like this tiny fucking midget. It's super awkward. She's at least twelve heads taller than him, not to mention it's CROSS SPECIES RELATIONSHIP. It's almost like breeding dogs and cats; it ain't gonna work bro. It's just frankly, disgusting. They're also making Legolas into the "jealous bitchy girlfriend/boyfriend" stereotype. That's not fair to him. I'd bet Tolkien is turning in his grave and facepalming over and over again. The movie itself is actually okay, and the effects are decent (except for the part where Legolas defies gravity- you should know what I mean, the scene with the falling bricks and Legolas doing parkour like a boss, and Thorin defies biology by walking perfectly well after Azog stuck a knife right through his foot, and survives being stabbed in the chest long enough for Bilbo to appear- hey maybe Thorin is secretly a gecko, or an octopus, with regeneration powers), but they really should stay loyal to Tolkien's book. I really hate it because every time people make a movie for a book, they NEVER stay loyal to the book because they're little assholes who are trying to be "independent individuals" or "rebels" or some shit like that. A total load of BULLCRAP. Another thing; THORIN DID NOT DIE DRAMATICALLY. Azog died a billion years ago, and the main antagonist is Bolg, not Azog. The movie makes Thorin into this badass son of a gun who gives not a fuck about his people, and in general, is a horrible leader who likes negative encouragement (like Asian parents, not being racist because I'm Asian). They're not far from wrong, just that he's not REALLY a badass. He's and old grumpy warrior past his prime. And his death was nowhere near THAT dramatic. There isn't really even the scene of his defeat, just his last moments and last words and him forgiving Bilbo for stealing his oh-so-precious lump of useless rock. That's it. No, "slices enemies' heads and limbs off in a flourish or pure badassness he-might-as-well-wear-shades-ness." He ain't a superhero, just an old man who USED to be a hero. I've also noticed that more that 60% of the movies are just about HIM. WHY ARE THEY STILL CALLED "THE HOBBIT"? They may as well call it, I don't know, Da Dwarf, or Da Grumpy Old Jerk, or Thorin's Stupid Life That No One Cares About, or I know I know! THORIN RANTS ABOUT LIFE. Perfect title! See, Peter Jackson! A teenage girl is SMARTER than you! Which proves: YOU,PETERJACKSON,HAVELESSBRAINCELLSORNEURONSWHATEVERYOUWANTTOCALLTHEMTHANARETARDEDJELLYFISH (I challenge you to unscramble the words! I'm making this an official challenge: For those readers who want to do so, post the unscrambled sentence in the comments bar for this chapter!)

That's all for this chapter.

Will write more; I promise. Serraphina out!