I like saying "No", it lowers their enthusiasm (FANFICTION RANT)

Chapter 5: VAMPIRES AND WEREWOLVES

Hello, readers! It seems we have entered into the era of: DUN DUN DUN DUN! The UNDEAD. Yup. It also seems that teenagers generation have this incurable obsession over undead, in particular, vampires and werewolves. When did this start? WHEN STEPHENIE MEYER WROTE FUCKING TWILIGHT! I've read it (one chapter), and my recommendation: DON'T READ IT. You'll doze off and drool on yourself. Unless you're an insomniac, up in the middle of the night, unable to sleep. In that case, READ TWILIGHT. It's even better than sleeping pills. Truly. So, what's so intriguing about our fictional, furry/blood-sucking* friends? Because they're UNDEAD? Let's define UNDEAD: Technically dead, but still animate (Oxford dictionary), but imagine you're a kindergartener; the prefix 'un-' means 'not', and 'dead' means... well....dead. So un-dead should mean 'not dead', which means alive. Many times, in preschool, I have puzzled over this, and all my little friends back then are like, I don't have a damn clue, bro, and my teachers are like, why are you asking, and my parents are like, ask the dictionary. (I've tried asking to the dictionary. It never talks back to me or answers my queries. THANKS SO MUCH MOM FOR LYING TO ME THAT BOOKS TALK!!!!)- I bet you're saying, Ugh, here she goes again, Serraphina is definitely batshit crazy. I seriously believed that when I was THREE YEARS OLD (Not now, of course, you idiot!), really, because I took my mom's words too literally. Argh, now I got off topic! Back to my point, Ever since the middle ages, humankind has had a fascination with the undead, paranormal, and supernatural. Why? Because it's so mysterious to us, hence all those dumb superstitions, like black cats are unlucky, don't walk under ladders (Hey, that's just reminded me of something; a certain person I know says, 'I'm too scared walk under scaffolding because I'm afraid it'll collapse on me', EVEN THOUGH NO SCAFFOLDING COLLAPSE ACCIDENTS HAVE HAPPENED IN LIKE, FIVE YEARS), vampires are allergic to garlic, and werewolves are scared of mistletoe. I don't think there's anyone here who thinks these are true, especially the last two, SINCE VAMPIRES AND WEREWOLVES DON'T FUCKING EXIST. Now, why are they so cliche? Because they are so OVERRATED. Teenagers LOVE mainstream junk (Yeah, I'm a hipster, deal with it, bro!), and twilight is technically mainstream (Well, actually anything that has a movie made for it is mainstream). My advice, DON'T WATCH THE MOVIE. It'll send you to sleep faster than the book. Three quarters of the movie is just characters staring at each other, and also, Edward Cullen is as ugly as HELL. No offense. That's just my opinion. Also, wolves are now a cliche animal. Not that I'm hating on the species! Wolves are awesome and cute, they're one of my favorite animals, but they're overrated now. Whenever people write fantasy stories with animals/people who can turn into animals, the wolf is a commonly chosen animal for the hero/heroine, and through my experience, the wolf character now has a stereotype: They're 'cool', vagely sadistic, intelligent, have animal-esque/feral/bestial behavior even when they're in they're, supposedly, 'human form', they're quiet, they're skilled hunters and warriors, etc. etc. etc. WHAT A LOAD OF BULLSHIT. All of this, just says MARY SUE! to me. An awesome character that is overused because it's so perfect and overrated. UGH. DISGUSTING. Another thing, when people write werewolf books, they use some 'exclusive' *does the 'bend-two-fingers-down' universal gesture of irony or sarcasm* terminology, that people who've never ready twilight have no hope of understanding, and they NEVER put notes in the author's notes explaining what they mean, leaving us poor readers to guess. So, If you ever read a werewolf book with weird unexplained words, HATE ON IT.

---

*I've realized that furry and blood-sucking describes mosquitos very well; they have tiny hairs on them and they're little bitches that drink your blood for nutrition.