What I Hate About You (#1 What I Hate About You)

Chapter 19

I drove us to the nearest McDonalds like Nathan wanted me to. Since it was past nine o’clock, not many people were inside, which was good because it mean we could have all the peace and quiet we wanted without any screaming kids. There was a family of four sitting near the entry to the restrooms. A gentleman in his late forties seated himself in front of the Plasma TV on the wall, eating a Big Mac while he watched whatever TV show that was playing.

I ordered myself a chocolate thick shake while Nathan ordered a Big Mac meal. I just shook my head at him. I never understood how guys could eat so much. I’m sure he would have eaten dinner already.

We get a seat beside the entry.

I take a sip of the shake, the ice cream melting instantly on my tongue. “Mmm, I forgot how good these things taste. I don’t even remember the last time I was here.”

“Really? How come you haven’t come here for so long? McDonald’s is like the best fast food ever.” He takes a bite of his burger.

I shrug my shoulders, and the tuck a strand of hair that escaped my ponytail behind my ear. “I don’t know. I just wasn’t able to bring myself to a lot of places since…”

I pause. Did I really want to tell him about Dad? I mean a lot of kids’ fathers walked out on them. I’m not sure if I want to share that piece of personal information with him. I don’t know if I’m able to trust him.

“Since what?” Nathan wants to know.

I look at him. He will listen, won’t he? He wouldn’t judge me or anything about Dad leaving me. No. I can’t tell him just yet. I’m not ready to discuss this kind of stuff with him. I can tell Miss Giovanni, but there are still some things I haven’t told her either. There are just some things I want to keep to myself and not tell anyone. No one needs to know.

“It’s nothing,” I answer.

Nathan put his burger down and reaches across the table, putting his hand over mine. I jump at his touch. “Alex, you can tell me.”

“I know you want to know, but I don’t know if I should tell you.”

“Why is that?”

“I just don’t feel ready to tell you.”

He nods. “Okay, well when you do feel ready, I will listen.” He picks up his burger and bites into it. “Do you want any fries?” he asks with his mouth full.

“Don’t you know it’s rude to talk with your mouth full?”

“I know. Do you want some?” He pushes the tray closer to me.

I stare at the fries. I don’t like much of McDonald’s French fries. They are too salty, but I take some anyway, popping them into my mouth.

“So, how’s it going with your mother’s fiancé?” he asks.

“What about him?”

“Do you get along with him?”

I shake my head. “I don’t like him. I feel like he is trying to take over my family.”

“What happened to your father?”

What do I tell him? Do I tell him the truth about what really happened?

I glance at my watch. “Could we please go?”

“You’re a private person, aren’t you?”

I nod. “There are some things that not everyone needs to know about.”

“Let me finish the rest of this and we can go.”

I wait for him to finish and then we went to the car. I drive him back home, pulling into the driveway. The party was still going on. I wonder how much longer they are going to be. I guess half of them won’t be showing up at school tomorrow, or if they do they will be coming with hangovers.

“Thanks for tonight,” I say.

“No problems. I will see you tomorrow.”

I nod. He takes off his seat belt. He was about to get out when he turn to look at me.

“Alex?”

“Yeah?”

“Can I kiss you?”

I swallow hard, not sure if I felt comfortable with it. What if someone from the party sees us?

I nod.

Nathan reaches over and strokes my face. He then leans forward slowly to kiss me. My heart races in my chest, and I panic. I can’t do this. Someone will see us.

I quickly turn my head before Nathan could kiss me.

“Alex?”

“I’m sorry.” I turn to look at him. “I can’t do it. Not yet. Someone might see us.”

He nods. “I understand. I will see you tomorrow, okay? Goodnight.”

“Goodnight.”

I watch him walk to the front door of his house and then I put the gear into reverse, pulling out of the driveway. I drive home, thinking about Nathan. I suddenly feel stupid for allowing him to kiss me, but then back out of the whole idea. Why did I do that for? Did I feel ready for it?

Then I realise what I really need to before I do kiss him. I have to tell him my secret. I have to tell him about Dad. It’s the only way I can allow myself to move on and be happy. If Miss Giovanni says that I have a fear of having fun, falling in love or being hurt, then maybe it’s Nathan who could help me get over those fears.

Tomorrow. I will tell him tomorrow. I have to. I don’t know if I want to be in a relationship with him, but I need to take a risk and go with him. Maybe nothing will happen. Maybe I’m just panicking for nothing.”