What I Hate About You (#1 What I Hate About You)

Chapter 18

I spend the afternoon in my room once I return home from school, sketching another drawing of Nathan. This time it was a picture of him sitting at the table under the shelter, where he was talking to Eric. I sat near them and drew him.

Ever since I confessed to Miss Giovanni about how I feel, it feels like a load has been taken off my shoulders. I still wasn't sure about the phobias she said I may have, but she could be right. Maybe the feelings I have were all in my head and I didn't have the phobias at all. I don't know. Either way I was scared about liking Nathan more than just a friend. What if he was using me and was going to dumped me once he got what he wanted?

What do I do about Lindsay? Do I tell her? It's not so much of a secret to her. We are twins after all. She will know if I'm falling for Nathan, wouldn't she? If I do tell her, will she keep it a secret from everyone? I don't want anyone to know that I may have a crush on Nathan. Lindsay is the type of person who likes to gossip. Our whole grade will know in seconds about me. We are sisters. She wouldn't blab to everyone about my secret, will she? We used to tell each other secrets all the time when we were younger. Yet, I'm still not sure if I should trust her. I'm just not certain if I'm ready to let the world know how I feel about Nathan. There aren't many people that I can trust until I am ready to admit to Nathan that I like him... or even to myself.

"How does this look, Scottie?" I ask my budgie, who is sitting on my shoulder. I hold up my drawing of Nathan for him to see.

Scottie chirps happily. I chuckle, wondering what he could be really saying. Hopefully he is saying that he likes it.

A knock comes from the door. Without waiting for my consent, Mum opens it and pokes her head through. I look over at her. Maybe I can ask Mum about what she thinks I should do, whether or not if I should tell Nathan how I feel.

"Hey," she smiles at me. "I'm just checking up on you."

She looks a little unsure about me, hoping I won't yell at her for being in my room. Normally I would, but I don't feel like yelling at the moment. We haven't really spoken much since our fight over her engagement. The only time I spoke to her was when I told her I was going out to the concert.

"Mum, can I talk to you?" I ask her. "I need to ask you something."

She nods and walks over to me, leaving the door open. She sits down on the edge of my bed. I close my sketch book and set it down beside me.

"Mum, I know this will sound weird coming from me," I start to say, "but I kind of need boy advice."

Mum looks at me, surprise. I can't blame her. I never once asked for any advice about boys. It's usually Lindsay who would ask her these questions.

"Sure," she says. "You can ask me anything. Is it about Nathan?"

I bite my lip as I nod my head. "Is it possible to like someone even if you hate them?"

Mum thinks about it for a second. "Gee, I'm not really sure. I guess it is possible. You can hate someone, but there will always be something about that person that makes you like them." Her smile grows bigger. "You have feelings for Nathan, don't you?"

I blush. I tell Mum. Just like Miss Giovanni, she is happy I'm making progress of liking someone rather than hating them. I still don't understand why they would think that. I mean just because I like Nathan doesn't mean I'm going to start liking everyone else. He is just one person that I like. I still hated everyone else.

"I don't know if I should tell him how I feel," I say. "I mean, he knows I don't like him, but he tries so hard to get me to like him. I don't really know how I truly feel at the moment. I don't know if this feeling is temporary."