What I Hate About You (#1 What I Hate About You)

Chapter 16

I stand in front of my mirror, staring at my reflection. I was dressed in jeans and a long sleeve strip shirt. I wasn’t sure if this is what you wore on a date or to a rock concert, but it’s a little cool outside.  Not sure how it will be inside the concert. My hair is hanging loose around my shoulders. I experiment with my hair, trying to decide if I should have my hair in or out. I don’t know why it bothered me to look good for Nathan. It’s not like I was trying to impress him. What do you even wear on a date?

I tie my hair into a ponytail. I grab my wallet and then went downstairs, sneaking pass my sister’s room. I didn’t want her to know anything about my date with Nathan tonight. She will ask all kind of questions. Mum is downstairs watching TV. Dereck isn’t here tonight, which I’m glad. I tell her I’m going out. I didn’t tell her where. I don’t want her to get the wrong idea if she knew I was going out somewhere with Nathan. She is a little surprise I was going out since I always lock myself in my room, refusing to go out anywhere at night. I just told her that I needed to do something. She approves me going out and tells me to make sure to be back by ten or ten thirty.

I wait outside for Nathan. He shows up a few minutes after I came out. He shows up exactly at five thirty like he promised. He was going to get out and open the door for me, but I already opened the passenger side door for myself and climb in. He is dressed in jeans and a Hurricane band t-shirt. He looks good in black.

“All set?” he asks me as I put on my seat belt.

I nod and he sets off down the seat.

“You look nice,” he says.

“Thanks.”

As Nathan drives, he tries to make small talk with me. I didn’t want to talk, but I force myself to answer back.

Once we were allowed into the hall, Nathan leads me to the front of the stage where we had the front row, standing behind the barrier that separated the audience from the stage. I watch the people around me as they crowd around the stage, talking about the band to each other. I feel a little left out, not knowing a thing about the band.

“So, is this your first concert?” Nathan asks me.

I nod. “Yes, it is.”

“You’re going to love it then.”

I feel nausea when he said I was going to love the concert. Was I?

“What if I don’t like their music?” I ask.

“You won’t. I swear you are going to love them. It will be the best concert you have ever been to.”

Within half an hour the hall was crowded with screaming fans. My ears hurt from all of the screaming, and I wanted to tell them all to shut up, but I couldn’t. I will ruin this for Nathan. I didn’t care if he hated me or not, but I know I couldn’t ruin this night for him. Behind me some girls pushed me forward. I stumble a little. Thankfully the barrier was in front of me. Why do people say that concerts are fun if people push you around?

 I was about to turn around to tell these girls off, but Nathan stops me. He puts his hands on my shoulder, telling me not to say anything to them, no matter how much they make me mad. I promise him I wouldn’t, although I don’t know how I was going to be able to hold my temper. Nathan and I stand there staring at each other for a moment. The butterflies in my stomach returned, and I feel myself panic a little on the inside. I don’t understand this feeling.

Luckily the lights go low, and I can no longer see his face. He can’t see that I’m blushing anymore. Music plays as the dim lights on the stage shows people moving around the stage, positioning themselves. The band goes into the opening the songs. The lights bright up the stage. People around me are screaming like crazy, jumping up and down with excitement at their idols. Nathan was jumping up and down as well. I feel like an outcast as I was the only one who was going around. I don’t know how you’re supposed to react at a concert.

The music is loud that I can’t even hear myself think. I feel a headache coming on. The lead singer, Jay, encourages the audience to sing along with him. I glance over at Nathan. He is singing along. I have heard several songs by Hurricane, but I don’t know them that well to know the lyrics off by heart. I feel like the odd one out for not knowing the lyrics. I feel stupid. I shouldn’t have said yes. If I haven’t agreed to come, I would be at home right now, fighting with Lindsay.

But at the same time it feels good to get out of the house.

The band ends their first song, gives a short greeting to the audience, and goes straight into the next one. My body wants to dance a little to the music, but then I reminded myself that I hated dancing. My mind was also telling me that I couldn’t have fun, and if I do I will have another panic attack. I couldn’t have a panic attack here.

I glance over at Nathan. He is fully into the music, happily sing along. Why can’t I do the same?

He catches me looking at him, and turns to me and smiles. It was like his smile was contagious and I couldn’t help but return the smile.

“Sing along,” Nathan shouts at me over the music.

I shake my head. “I can’t.”

“Why not?”

“I don’t know the lyrics.”

“So? It doesn’t matter. No one cares if you don’t know the lyrics. No one can hear you anyway. Come on, sing.”

I stumble along with the lyrics. I say them quietly, afraid someone was going to hear me, but they don’t. I feel someone’s hand slipping into mine. I panic. I was about to push them away when I realise that it was just Nathan. He smiles at me and I return a shy smile.

The concert was soon over and I find myself back in the car with Nathan. My head hurts from all of the loud music and screaming fans. For most of our ride home we sit there in silence. We did talk a bit about the concert, but I wasn’t really in the mood for talking. I just want to rest my head.

“Thank for taking me out tonight,” I say to Nathan as we entered Wakefield, getting closer to home. “I-I had a good time.”

Nathan turns to me in surprise when I mentioned I had a good time. “You actually had fun?” He turns his eyes back to the road.

“Yeah,” I admit, giving him a small smile. I can’t believe I just let myself admit that to myself. “I haven’t had that much fun in a real long time, and I’m not really a fan of Hurricane, but the show they put on back there was great. I really enjoyed it.”

And I really miss having fun, I add silently to myself.

“How come you don’t like having fun?” Nathan wants to know.

I don’t answer him. I can’t tell him the things I told Miss Giovanni. Not yet.

I stare out of the window at the houses that we pass by. We are getting closer to my street, just about four blocks away.

“Alex?” Nathan calls me when I didn’t answer him after a long silence.

Do I really want to tell him what happened to Dad? What if I tell him, and he doesn’t want to be friends with me anymore?

“When I’m ready,” I answer him, still staring out of the window, unable to look at him, “I will tell you the reason why. At the moment I don’t want anyone to know why I hate everyone and everything.”

I can feel Nathan’s eyes on me, but for some reason I feel afraid to turn to look at him.

“Okay. So since you had a good time, do you want to go out again?”

This time I turn away from the window, turning my head to face Nathan. Half of me wanted to go out with him, the other half didn’t want to. “I will think about it.”