Riddles {a Death Note MelloXOC and NearXOC story}

Bonus Chapter: Epilogue - I Went to Look for Joy

A/N: I recommend reading about Joy's past in "Extra: Character information" before reading this, in order to get a better idea of what is going on in this chapter.

Anyway, moral of the story: Lacey knows all.

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I was happy when he died. It's a terrible thing to say, I know, but it's true. I loved him, but at the same time, I hated him.

Dad was always either shouting or pissed; sometimes both. Then one day, the yelling and the drinking stopped. It stopped, and suddenly, I was free. And alone. Until James came home. "Keep smiling, Julie. Be happy." And I was. I was happy to have him by my side. I was always smiling. How long was it? A year. We spent a year together. For a year, I was happy. Then I was alone again.

"See the good in things." "Be positive." "There's always a bright side." I kept trying to see the good on the day James was shot. I kept trying to be positive when he was lying in a bed in the emergency room. I kept trying to find the bright side when they told me he was dead. I never did.

I wasn't sure where I wanted to go after that, but it wasn't my choice. They took me away to an orphanage in Winchester because I was "gifted." Gifted because I could see lies. Then I was dead, too. Eight years old. Dad was gone. James was gone. Now Juliana Ashton was gone. Then I became Joy, because I couldn't find it anywhere.

The past was lost. Bad images were pushed to the back of my mind, as well as good ones. Faces of old friends became blurred. Names were erased. Memories of cool summer days and visits to the shore were now nothing but lingering dreams. I even lost my voice; the accent my brother had always said sounded so cute with my voice faded as I assimilated to Winchester, though I managed to remember some words. The one thing I wouldn't forget, the one thing I couldn't forget, was James. James was the one memory I refused to give up.

We are walking on the pavement. He's talking, but I stop listening when we pass a familiar apartment complex where a daft redhead once lived before disappearing years ago.

I hate my name, ironically enough. I've kept it, hoping to one day find it, but I haven't. I've been happy, but I haven't truly found—

"Joy?"

"Hmm?" I turn to look at Mason, who had broken my reverie.

"You're fiddling with your locket. What's wrong?"

I blush, embarrassed that he can tell from something so trivial. The last thing James had given me was my locket. After leaving it at Wammy's when I went for a visit years back, I've practically never removed it. The locket with the picture of James and me on the inside is the only thing I have from my old life. Back when things were good; when it was just the two of us: James and Julie.

"I don't know," I admit. "Lacey's getting married, and it's making me think. All of my friends are going somewhere, have something planned. Everything's changing, but for me... it's like time isn't even moving. Like it stopped years ago. Nothing's changing for me."

My plan had been to get as far away from Wammy's as I possibly could, but in the end, I only ended up a few towns over from Winchester. It was as if I just couldn't escape.

"Do you not like where things are?"

"No, that's not it. It's just that..."

I can't voice my thoughts. I can't truly express how it feels. The last person I had ever really loved was my brother. Sure, I care about Birdie and Piper and everyone; they're like family, but it's just not the same feeling. That feeling like you know everything about the person and they know everything about you. How they can make you smile just by being near. Waiting in anticipation, wondering when you'll see them next. I haven't felt that kind of love since I was a little girl.