Don't let me fall (Lesbian story)

A leap of faith

It's been three weeks since the accident and life is back to normal. Well, not really. Since I don't dance, it's not normal for me. But for everybody else everything is ok. Graham got suspended for two weeks when they found out he pranked me, and when he came back he made a priority to avoid me. It didn't bother me at all, I was planning on avoiding him anyway. I now have, on my forehead, a 7 centimeters long scar. I'm not wearing bandages or anything anymore, but the skin around the cut is still pink and it hurts to touch it. The first few days that I could go back to class, I would run away to my room every time it was time for dance class. I was too depress to watch them dancing. But now I sit in a corner and look at them. I miss it. I miss it more than I though I would. When you're a dancer, many times you feel like quitting. It just becomes so hard, so painful. But you just can't. Dancing, at least to me, is like breathing. I haven't stopped feeling like I'm falling since I left the hospital. Frank is starting to talk about the end of the year show. He's making us, well the other students since I can't dance, create our own choreographies around a theme he selected. I see them everyday talking in little groups, making up a whole show. A show I won't be part of. I had to call Kate, tell her I couldn't dance the competition anymore. It was awful, worst phone call of my life. Alaska has been taking really good care of me. She spends most of her free time with me and sleeps in my room every night, even when I protest she needs to have a good night of sleep too. When I'm depressing, she talks about our future wedding. I look at her now, dancing with Cain. I see her tired face, her messy hair, her pale skin. I'm the one who needs to take care of her. I see the group whispering to each other far away from me, and I've never felt that much excluded in my whole life. Frank now only comes at the beginning of each class to check the progress on the choreography, and the he leaves and let them create or rehearse or whatever. I just sit in the corner, watching them. Frank's been gone for about ten minutes now, and they haven't started working yet, they stay in their little group, whispering. Then Axel and Emilia walk up to me, and I see Alaska smiling in the back.

-So O, you can't dance the competition anymore, right? Axel asks.

-Yeah...

-And there are no restriction to what you present to the jury, right?

-Well there are some, I answer, not really sure where this is going.

-Well, Emilia says, we were thinking...

-Yes?

-That maybe we could dance for you!

They all look at me with big smiles on their faces, all but Graham who's looking away.

-Dance for me? I ask.

-You would build the choreography like you want it, and we would perform it!

-But the whole point of this competition is that I dance for the jury.

-The doctor said 2 to 3 months, O. There's still a chance you can dance. But you'll only have one month to get ready. So we thought we could help.

-So you guys want me to create a choreography that I might not be able to dance and perform it without a lot of practice in front of the best jury in the country while being totally illegal in this competition?

-Well when you put it like that...Emilia says.

-What do you have to lose, Paul asks from the other side of the room.

-All my chances of ever getting in a company! I answer. If I present an illegal choreography at the competition, I won't ever be able to try again.

-But it might also be your only chance, Aubrey says.

-Just think about it, Marcos says. Just know we're ready to help you in whatever you choose to do.

-I'll think about it, I say.

They all smile and start working on the end of the year show.

***

And I did thought about it. I though about it during the whole night. I didn't sleep over it, actually. When the numbers on my clock showed a seven and two zeros, I got up and got dress. I had my answer.

I walk up to them all sitting at the breakfast table and sit in the middle.

-Ok, I say.

-Ok? Axel asks.

-Let's do it!

-Are you sure, Flore asks.

-I've never been more sure of anything!

I glance at my girlfriend and she winks at me. I know this came from her, and I won't disappoint her.

-Rehearsals starts at 5, I say and everybody agrees.

I sit threw geography and math with a notebook on my lap, drawing my choreography, planning the moves and the music. I know exactly what I want to show the world!

Then it's five already and I'm standing in front of all of my class, all the seniors looking at me and waiting for me to start telling them what to do. Graham is not with us, which is fine by me. I feel a ball of stress and fear form inside of me. Am I really gonna do this? Am I really gonna throw everything away for a stupid competition.

-What else could you do? Alaska asked me last night when I asked her the same question I'm asking myself right now. You can't dance, ok. But you can't just spend the rest of your time here walking around, mopping over yourself. You got to do something! There's nothing you want to tell the world? Nothing at all?

Yes, there is, I said. There's one story I want to tell. Ours.

-Five, six seven and eight! I say after I've told them what to do.

I watch them dance and all I can think about is: this is really a leap of faith! This is pure insanity! But somehow, since I've started working on this project last night in my head, the falling sensation is slowly fading away.