Don't let me fall (Lesbian story)

The first Christmas tree

Alaska's grandmother lives in a town called Longport, very close to Atlantic city. Her house is right on the beach, two steps out the door and you have both feet in the sand. Alaska's grandmother is a very sweet woman name Susan, with grey hair that curls in every directions and a beautiful smile, the same has her grand daughter. Her house is big and furnished with old furniture everywhere, which gives it a very warm and cosy look. When we arrived, she didn't even ask Alaska before putting us both in the same room, on the second floor. We also have our own bathroom. We unpacked our stuff and now we're waiting downstairs for Alaska's cousins to arrive so we can go buy a Christmas tree. Susan only had two kids, Jean, who's the oldest, and Daniel. Daniel has three kids, Colin who's 19, Logan who's 15 and Spencer who's 12. Front the kitchen table where I'm sitting, sipping some tea, I see them pulling up in the driveway. The youngest one is trying to hold back a huge dog while the two others are carrying suitcases and piles of gifts. Spencer let's go off the dog by mistake and the gigantic thing runs straight to the water, trying to bite the waves. While the father, Daniel, goes and get the dog, all the others walk inside. They all hug their grandma, then move on to Alaska. Spencer high fives her, Logan gives her a smile and Colin grabs her over his shoulder and throws her on the couch. I guess it was the two other boy's cue because they jump on her as well, tickling her until she begs for mercy. Alaska calls out my name, asking me to help, and suddenly all her cousins stop, looking at me.

-Who are you? Asks Spencer.

-That's not a very polite way to ask, Spence, says the strong voice of Daniel in the doorway.

He gives me a smile and extends his hand for me to shake it.

-Hi, I'm Daniel, Alaska's uncle. What's your name?

-Olivia, I answer, shacking his hand.

They are strong and rough, covered in scars and bruises, some old and some new, and I wonder what he could possibly be doing to have such hands. To my surprise, he doesn't ask what I'm doing her or how I know Alaska, he just smiles.

-Who wants to get a tree? He calls out.

The boys all jump, excited like seven years old boys, even Colin. Alaska grabs my hand and I follow them, putting my coat and her scarf before walking outside. Daniel hands us blanket when we reach the car and I look at him, confused. He laugh.

-Not enough place for all of you inside the car, so you guys are riding in the back.

His car is actually a pick-up truck and I see the boys getting in the back like they do that every day. I climb in and I sit between her legs, her arms wrapped around me waist. I see the boys looking at us, but nobody says anything. My hands are freezing and she blows on them too warm them up while Daniel starts driving.

-How long have you been together? Colin asks.

I look at Alaska, counting in my head. I know she's counting too.

-About two months, I say.

-Does your mom knows she's here? He asks Alaska like I'm not sitting right next to her.

-No, she answers.

-She's gonna flip! Logan says.

Alaska shrugs and I lean into her, resting my head on her chest. The car is going fast and I'm getting cold, but soon we stop in front of the beach.

-Bet you never bought a Christmas tree on the beach, Olivia! Daniel calls while shutting his door.

-I don't remember even buying a Christmas tree, I say and suddenly they all stop and look at me like I'm an alien.

-What! Alaska says.

-Your girlfriend is weird! Spencer says.

-I grew up in New York, and you can't really have real trees over there, it's impossible to get them up all the stairs of the apartments buildings. We only ever had fake ones, and small ones because there wasn't enough space.

-Well it's your lucky day, Daniel says with a smile. You can't choose whichever you want, your pick. It's your first tree, so choose wisely.

I walk around all the trees, smelling them and looking them with great care. I'm about to choose a really big one that's really pretty, very even on both sides and looks like a green pyramid, when I notice one a little smaller, but with an odd shape.

-Why is it so uneven? I ask Colin.

-It's a real real one, he says, and not a tree that was planted to make a Christmas tree. They just chopped it up from a forest, a savage one.

-I want this one, I say.

-You sure? Daniel asks.

-Yeah. It looks different from the others yet it couldn't be more true to what it should be.

-Then this one it is. What's his name?

-Name?

-In our family, we name our tree.

I think about it for a second.

-Blaze.

I feel my girlfriend squeezing my shoulder, a little spark of sadness in her eyes. We helps the guys load the tree in the back of truck and this time only Alaska and I ride in the back, the boys all goes in the car. We are both sitting on one side of the tree, looking at each other over all the branches.

-Why is your mother going to flip?

-She hates that I like girls.

-We've never talked about that. I mean about the fact that we're both girls.

-I like girls and only girls, she says. I've known it all my life, and I told everyone I was 100% sure of it 5 years ago. My mom thought I was too young to know, and even when I grew up and was still 100% sure, she couldn't accept it. She hates it when I show the world who I am, and the fact that you're my girlfriend and you're here...well, she won't like it.

-You should have told me. I probably wouldn't have come...

-That's why I didn't tell you, she says without letting me finish. I don't want to tell you you can't come because of her. I want you here, more than anything, and if she has a problem with that, well it's her problem and hers only. I'm not putting barricades in our relation ship to spare her feelings.

-I love you, I say while staring at her beautiful eyes.

-I love you, she says back, her eyes not letting go of mine.

We stay in silence for the rest of the ride, the cold air around us smells like needles and pines.

***

There's another car in the driveway when we arrive, and I can guess from the face Alaska is making that it must be her mother. We get the tree inside and I can hear the high voice of a woman even before I enter the house.

-Alaska! The woman says while wrapping her arms around her daughter. You look cold, and tired. Do you eat well?

-Yes mom, she answers, then turns to me. Mom, this is Olivia, my girlfriend.

Jean Butler scans me with her dark eyes, the same as her daughter, from top to both, twice. She's about to say something when Daniel calls us in the living room.

-It's nice to meet you, I say with a big smile while Alaska drags me to her uncle.

I forget about her mother when I see the four full boxes of Christmas decorations on the floor. Susan puts some Christmas music and we start decorating the tree as the sky grow darker on the other side of the window. At eleven o'clock, after we finished the tree, ate like kings and had hot chocolate, Alaska's got her head on my legs while I'm sitting on the couch. She's humming a song and I'm listening, looking at the small snowflakes falling down on the porch. I feel warm and full and sleepy, I feel good with her, and then my eyes rest on the tree that's all light up. The tree that I named Blaze. I feel a sharp pain in my stomach and I know I won't be able to stay here for two weeks. I miss him too much. I feel a tear slide on my cheek and Alaska looks at me with concern.

-I miss him, I say.

She wraps her arms around my middle and I play in her hair. I love her so much.