The Last Dance (Nathan/Jay fanfic)

Chapter 9

**Saffron's POV**

"Good luck Saff," Tanya whispered softly in my ear, giving my arm a reasurring squeeze, "you're doing the right thing, trust me."

"I hope so," I say, and as I head out of my house with Tanya I look into her eyes and I can see that she believes in me, that I can go through with this - but the question is, do I believe in myself?

I wave Tanya goodbye and then get into my car and start up the engine. I drive slowly, trying to waste as much time as I possibly can. Then as I arrive outside Jay and Nathan's flat, my grip on the steering wheel tightens until I can see my knuckles turning white. I throw my head back against the car seat, tears of frustration clouding my vision. I take one deep, shaky breath and then step out, unarmed, not prepared for anything that's about to happen.

I make my way towards the door, as I'm about to lift my hand to knock upon it, its opened up by Jay. He'd obviously been waiting for me, he looked confused.

"Hey," he said, trying to act cheerful, but I'm sure he knew then and there that something had gone terribly, terribly wrong.

"Hi," I replied, trying to smile, but it was probably more of a grimace.

"You said you wanted to talk?" Jay inquired,

"Umm, yeah I-"

"Shall we go and sit down?"

I  nodded in agreement, swallowing nervously and trying to get rid of the massive lump that was forming in my throat.

"So are you going to tell me what's up?" Jay asked, with a serious tone to his voice,

"Its just I-I-" I couldn't go on any further, the tears had begun to escape from my eyes and slip down my face as soon as we sat down on the sofa together, and now I was into full blown sobbing.

"Saffron?" Jay said, and tried to put his arm around me, but I pushed him away and stood up. I could see the hurt and confusion in his blue eyes and it pained me to look at him like that. I hate myself. I hate myself. I hate myself. Jay didn't even say anything, his mouth slightly open in shock, he waited for me to explain myself.

"Jay, I - I am so, so sorry." I managed to choke out, wiping my puffy eyes with the sleeve of my jumper. "Its just that - that, its not that I don't love you, I do I really do. But I think I just love you as a friend y'know? And, and the th-thing is I think, no, I know that I'm in love with someone, but that someone isn't you. And I just didn't feel right knowing that and I..." I trailed off, not too sure what else to say. I looked at Jay again, I'd avoided looking at him the whole way through because I know I would've just broken down again if I did. Instead of the pain and hurt and confusion I'd seen only moments before, it was now masked by a look of utter hatred and disgust. I didn't blame him to be honest. I hated me too.

"Its Nathan isn't it?" He asked, his mouth set in a firm, thin line. I didn't answer. "ISN'T IT?" Jay shouted this time, and I could see all of the anger clouding in his eyes. I just slowly nodded my head in shame.

"Get out." Jay said quietly, almost a whisper, a dangerous tone to his voice this time. "Out."

"Didn't you hear me you stupid bitch? GET OUT!" Jay screamed, "GET OUT! GET OUT! GET OUT!" And then surpisingly, he rushed toward me and roughly grabbed onto my arm, and led me down the hall,

"I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry." I whispered, over and over again. We stopped once we got to the end of the hallway and Jay opened the door forcefully.

"Don't come back here again Saffron. I never want to see your stupid lying face ever again. You might as well go and dance for some other band." And with that he slammed the door shut in my face. I hadn't really registered what had happened yet. I was still whispering: 'I'm so sorry' although no one was listening except for the cool afternoon air. I groaned inwardly. My life was such a mess. I didn't even have a job now. I could hardly go back to dancing for The Wanted could I? Jay had pretty much told me so anyway. I walked slowly to my car as hailstones began to fall from the sky. They hurt, but they didn't hurt as much as I did on the inside. It was as if I was being punished for all the trouble I'd caused. I felt like I deserved this.