When my eyes open again, the hospital room is much darker. The blinds in the large window across from my bed by the door are closed and the lamp on the small table beside me is dimmed.
Next to the table and extremely close to my bed is Spencer. His eyes are tightly shut and a deep frown is tangled through his brows, purple sacs hang on either side of his nose and his very long hair his falling loosely beside his head. His deep pink lips are slightly parted and a wooly brown cardigan is covering his shoulders. Although he is sleeping, the man looks exhausted and the light stubble around his mouth indicates he hasn't been home for a while.
His face is resting on one of his large hands that's propped up on the arm of the cushioned chair, I sit and watch him for a while, baffled by what is going on and still not completely understanding it.
After a few short minutes Spencer's slumber gets deeper and as his weight rests more on his arm, it begins to slip down the chair.
Instead of stopping it, I watch it happen, watch his arm fall to one side and his head hit the padded chair before lifting up once more. He groans loudly, before scanning the room.
"Spence-" I breathe and his eyes dart in my direction.
At first he just stares as though he can't make out whether I'm actually awake or not. I say his name again, managing to get the croak a little louder. I just want him to hold me.
"JJ?" He sits up a little, leaning forward and moving his eyes between mine. "JJ, holy shit." He smiles brightly, reaching for my hand and squeezing it tightly, planting a soft kiss on my cheek.
"Spence, my head." I groan, lifting my hand to the area and finding it completely bandaged.
"JJ I'm so sorry, this is all my fault." He frowns as a tear rolls down his cheek. "I promise I won't let anyone hurt you again, I'll never forgive myself I'm so sorry."
I try to frown at him, almost forgetting what the nurse told me either yesterday or this morning, but it hurts too much.
"What happened?" I manage to ask and his tears roll a little faster.
"You don't remember?" His concerned expressing causes panic to surge through my body, why is everyone acting so strange?
"I remember Henry playing by the road and the truck, I got hit by the truck." I state and he lets go of my hand.
"No, JJ. That- that's not what happened." He wipes his face and tucks his hair behind his ears.
"I was getting pizza and you went home, you went home to our apartment and Damien was there... He shot you JJ. You almost died."
"No." I screw my eyes shut, attempting to ignore the unbearable pain on the side of my head. "No, we were at the doctors because I was having nightmares and we got back and Henry... Henry was in the road, he was showing off and a truck came. The truck came and I pushed Henry away... Wait, is he ok?" I try to push myself up in the bed, but my head throbs more and Spencer stands quickly, stopping me.
"JJ, Henry is fine. Everything is fine." He reaches for my shoulders pushing me backwards again. I meet his eyes and the complete sadness filling them causes me to feel slightly overwhelmed.
"What about Charlie? Charlie he was with Ben's Mom." I try to take a breath but it catches in my throat and I begin to panic.
"JJ, JJ calm down!" He reaches for my flailing arms and pins them to my side. "I didn't sit here all day and all fucking night for three weeks to have you die choking! Calm the fuck down." He growls, letting me go and kicking the arm chair he was previously asleep in. "I'm sorry." He breathes. Tugging at the roots of his hair as he stares out of the window that leads to the city.
I watch him for a few minutes in silence, trying to wrap my head around this whole thing.
"I never thought I'd see you awake again." He states, facing me once more. "They're told me they did all they could, but you wasn't going to wake... That the only thing keeping you alive was that tube in your throat and then you began to choke on it." He frowns deeply before swallowing hard.
"Spence-" I try to talk but stop when I realise I'm crying.
"Morgan shot Damien dead. He was just a few seconds too late, if he- if i would have called him earlier, if we would have gone into the apartment when you called... You wouldn't be here." He sniffs up, repositioning the arm chair and sitting on it once more.
I lift my hand to my stomach, feeling for the bump that is no longer there. Spencer breaks down completely, sobbing hard into the sleeve of his cardigan.
"JJ we lost it. We lost our baby."
