"Ok, here." Hotch opens the door to Derek's apartment, allowing me to walk in before him.
"I'm sorry about all of this." I sigh, kicking off my shoes and wiping my knuckles on my shirt.
The man shakes his head and the two of us make our way into the living room.
Hotch stops by the door way and when I turn to see why, everyone is sat and stood around the room. Even JJ.
My eyes find Sandy straight away, who is sat on the sofa furthest from her daughter. Kate and Emily are beside her, Garcia is on the sofa opposite, Morgan is stood by JJ and Henry is frowning in the hall.
"Henry-" I glare at Sandy as I rush to the small boy yawning.
JJ's head shoots in my direction and re eyes follow me as I lift him up and head back toward the front door.
"Where are you going?" Morgan asks as I grab Henry's coat. "You guys need to sort this out." he states sternly, making his way toward me and taking Henry from my arms.
He hands him to Sandy, who wraps Henry in a blanket and rests him on her lap.
Emily's eyes shift to Aaron by the door, but the two don't keep eye contact long before Kate taps her thigh and ushers her to stand.
A frowning Derek helps Penelope up before glancing back to me. "We'll be at the pub down the road." he states, patting my shoulder as the five of them walk out, leaving just me, Sandy, Henry and- her.
I move closer to the only two constant people in my life right now. Everything is so confusing, I have no idea how to react and I have no idea what Henry must be thinking.
My eyes move over the unfamiliar blonde woman. "I'm sorry." she sighs. My heart jolts at the sound of her voice and my mind whirls as I take in the sight of JJ stood before me once more. "I can't believe it." I state angrily, crouching slightly while tugging at the roots of my hair. "I can't fucking believe it!" I shout this time, causing Henry to cover his ears and pull his blanket tighter around him.
"Calm down now Spencer." Sandy says, reaching out to rest her hand on my shoulder. "Maybe we should look on the bright side, I mean..." The woman pauses as she looks up at her daughter now standing by the door. "She's alive." She chokes slightly on the words as they come from her mouth before diverting her attention back to me.
"Calm down?" I ask mockingly. "Sandy, we thought she was dead for almost two years. Two fucking years! Henry didn't eat for a week!" my voice raises again as I think back to the brutal weeks following JJ's death. "I was on my arse for months because I was doing everything I could to help that poor boy get over the loss of his mother and his auntie." My voice breaks as I point to Henry, watching JJ's teary eyes follow my finger.
"I can't do this, I can't fucking do it!" my throat becomes sore as I raise my voice again, this time storming from the room, leaving a hole in the wall on my way out.
I make my way down the cold street wearing nothing but a ripped shirt and tight jeans.
Tears stream down both my cheeks and I choke on every mumbled word that I manage to speak.
Eventually my back meets the grass of a small, public garden as I lay down, knees bent and both my arms covering my face.
I scream, not knowing what else to do. I love that woman. I love her with all my heart, with every fibre of my fucked up body, but I'm just so angry.
"Uncle Spence?" Henry's voice causes me to move my arms from my face. He's standing by the gate in his pyjamas and fluffy green slippers. A teddy is dangling by it's arm from his hands and his dressing gown is trailing in the breeze.
"Hey, buddy. Come here." I beckon him towards me with my bloody knuckles.
He hesitates slightly, then runs toward me with open arms, diving into my body and causing the two of us to be lay down once more.
"How are you feeling?" I ask, knowing this whole thing must be confusing the hell out of him.
"Happy." He states simply, lifting his small hand to wipe a drying tear from my cheek. "you should be happy too." He smiles innocently, causing me to laugh a little.
"And you're not angry, or confused?" I push slightly, hoping to get a bit more of a reaction from him. When Henry finished therapy four months ago, his therapist told me to encourage him to express his feelings.
"No." he rolls on to his back so that we're both facing the sky, before snuggling into my body. "We were sad that she was gone. Now we should be happy she is back."
A heavy weight sets on my heart when I think about how JJ must be feeling. "You were more sad than me?" he asks, sitting up slightly so that he can see my face.
I frown, knowing that I hardly ever allowed myself to mourn the loss of JJ in front of him. I needed to protect Henry from everything that was going on and if that meant crying alone at 3am, I didn't care. Just as long as he was ok.
"I heard you silly." he giggles slightly, but then mirrors my frown. "Nana would never let me go make you happy again, but when everyone was sleeping I would sneak into your bed." he smiles and another tear streams down my face.
"What are you doing out here all alone, anyway huh?" I ask, sitting up properly and prodding Henry's waist.
"Can we go home now?" he asks in between laughs and I stand to my feet, lifting Henry with me.
"I guess so."
***
When we reach the top of the stairs, I place Henry back on the ground and sit on the step beneath me.
"Aren't you coming?" He asks, grabbing my hand and attempting to pull me with him.
"I might just wait here for a-"
"It will be ok." I'm cut off by the youngsters mature words.
I scan his face as he lets to of my arm before standing and following him to the door.
I open it for him and allow the boy in first. Before I can even set foot back in the apartment, Henry runs straight over to JJ and dives into her arms, breaking down into a fit of tears as she hugs him back. She apologises to him multiple times and I also begin to cry.
Biting my lip, I close the door behind me and lean against the wooden frame.
JJ stays crouched with Henry in her arms and Sandy sits on the edge of the cushioned sofa, watching the two of them embrace.
"I never wanted to hurt you." JJ sighs, as Henry finally let's go of her. She stands slowly, meeting my eyes as she apologises once more.
"I don't really give a shit." I try my hardest to spun like I don't care, but my voice quivers as the words come out.
I breathe in deeply as I walk past her, hoping to take in the scent of her body again. Sadly it doesn't work and I find myself entering the room Sandy and Henry shared last night, craving every inch of her.
This may be the last chapter for today. I might post some more some time tonight, but I hope you guys like this chapter. Right now I have no idea where this is going, but hopefully you will all like this story as much as you did the first. 😊
