September. (A Josh Ramsay Fic)

Eleven - I Get High With A Little Help From My Friends

I awoke to find myself still in Josh's room, my arms wrapped around him in comfort, and his keeping me close. For a second I forgot why I was there, and I sunk back into his arms, merely enjoying his presence.
Don't let yourself fall, September. I told myself, you don't like Josh. He's a douche. Remember why you're here.
It was as Josh began to move beneath me that I recalled the events of the previous night. Looking around the room, my breath caught as I saw the burnt tin foil and lighter laying discarded on the floor.
"Josh" I whispered, shaking him lightly. "Josh wake up." He smiled as he looked up, but when he saw me there his face dropped.
"I fucked up, didn't I?" he asked, breaking away from me and sitting on his bed in frustration.
"You didn't fuck up Josh, you-"
"Why did I ruin this?" he asked, rubbing his forehead in exasperation. "You're my friend and I had to go and fuck you, didn't I?" he rambled on, and I began to laugh as I realised what Josh thought had happened.
"What's so funny?" He accused, scrunching his nose up in my direction.
"Josh- Josh we didn't-" I cut myself off by another bout of laughter, and Josh realised quickly that he had misinterpreted the situation.
"Oh..." he laughed along, still looking confused. "So... why are you here?"
My laughter stopped abruptly, and I looked at Josh in seriousness.
"We, uh, we need to talk."
He seemed to realise what I meant. He looked down at his floor, and quickly grabbed the discarded paraphernalia from the carpet, throwing them into the drawer under his wardrobe, locking it. Before he shut the drawer, I noticed it contained several rolls of tin foil, a few extra lighters, and three or four small pouches of white powder.
"That's- that's nothing, I swear." He tried to confirm, hopelessness weighing down his shoulders.
"Josh, I already know. You called me last night by accident. I called you back and when you answered the phone, I panicked at how you sounded. You were, distant, and talking a load of shit. I came over to see if you were okay and I found you laid on the floor with all that crap around you. Josh, what did you take?"
He looked at me, nervous, before sighing in defeat.
"Heroin. I'm addicted to heroin." he breathed, fiddling with the corner of his duvet cover.
"I thought so" I comforted him, smiling pathetically in an attempt to not scare him away. "Why, Josh?" I asked, airing the question I had pondered upon since finding him in that state.
"I'm not... I'm not a good person. I'm sick. Mentally." He shivered upon finishing his sentence, gripping tight to his comforter. I tackled him in a hug, my only thoughts being of comforting him, making him feel okay again, even if only momentarily.
"You're not sick, Josh. I don't care what you do, you're not sick." I repeated the first few words over and over, hoping that if I said it enough times, he would believe me.
"You don't understand" he whispered, "I'm not lying. I'm awful. You'd hate me if you knew everything else. I'm surprised you don't already hate me."
"What would be the point in hating you?" I sighed, "you'd get no better. I don't hate you Josh, please tell me what else is wrong."
"Not now." He gulped. "Some secrets just have to be kept a little longer."
I understood his ideology. The fewer people who knew his secrets, the safer he was.
I still wished he trusted me.
Josh looked at me hesitantly. He was more on edge all of a sudden, his hands twitching once again. It was similar to the way he had been the night before, and he looked up at me hopelessly.
"I need you to leave" he.sighed, shuffling slightly over to the drawer once more.
"What, so you can do it again?" I accused, sounding more aggressive than I had intended.
"'tember, please," he begged me, eyes wide, "I don't have a choice, and I don't want you to see this."
You had a choice the first fucking time I almost spat, but decided to keep the thought to myself. Josh needed help, not spite.
"I'm not leaving." I stated finally, shuffling slightly on Josh's bed. I was still in my pyjamas.
"If you don't leave, I'll do it anyway" he sneered, as if that would scare me away.
"Go ahead. At least I'm here to keep you safe." I threw back at him, trying my best to remove the emotion from my voice. I was trying to keep up a cold, steely profile, but in reality I felt like breaking down into hysteria.
Josh threw his head back slightly, hitting the wall sharply. It sounded painful, but I didn't remark on it. He sighed before unlocking the drawer once again, picking up the smallest roll of tin foil, a blue lighter, the biro shell, and one of the more empty pouches. He handed me the tin foil.
"Here, if you're not going to leave, can you at least help me? This is hard as fuck on my own. I always spill it. Tear some off, about the size of a crisp packet, hold it shiny side down."
I did as he had instructed, but not without a hint of bitterness. It was dumbfounding that he was roping me into his illegality, and it was obvious I did not approve.
When I had torn the tin foil he'd asked me to, I held it pulled between both of my hands, and he poured a small amount of the powder onto the center of the foil. He struck the lighter, and held it to the underside of the foil, beneath the powder.
"Keep the powder moving, especially when it liquidates, otherwise it'll harden. Also don't breathe it in, that's what gets you high" he instructed, sticking the pen shell between his lips like a cigarette.
I felt sick to my stomach that I was doing this. I almost couldn't believe that I was helping him get high. In any other situation, I would refuse to help, but I understood that if he really was addicted to this stuff, this is what I had to do to help.
I was adamant, however, that one day I would get him off of this stuff. I may have only just met this boy, but that was a commitment I was willing to make.
The powder began to turn to liquid, and there were fumes rising from the mass. Josh was breathing them in through the pen shell, and I brought his comforter over my mouth and nose to avoid inhaling them myself. I moved the foil as he had asked me to, being careful as to not let the liquid spill to the floor. Looking now, I could see several patches on the floor which look like he had done just that.
The immediate effects of the drug were the scariest. Josh stared into space for a while, eyes glassy and completely unresponsive. It was as if his nervous system had shut down. I slapped him and he didn't even flinch.
Gradually, he began to respond again, at first just babbling nonsense back at me when I spoke to him. This was how he was last night, I thought to myself.
"How do you feel, Josh?" I asked eventually. He lookes over to me and beamed, before replying; "fucking brilliant."
It was another half an hour until Josh was in the same state I had known him. There were still obvious signs that he was high, ones that I could not believe I had missed before. Simple things, such as how his speech would slur occasionally, or how he didnt seem to react to touch in any way, as if he couldn't feel it. He was also distant still, although he was responsive.
"I'm good." He smiled, stroking my shoulder with his thumb. He picked up the paraphernalia that he had discarded about an hour before, throwing them into the drawer once more and locking it behind him.
"Let's go get that ice cream?" He asked, before pointing up the stairs. "You can call the kid too if you'd like."
"Matt." I responded, before hopping up the stairs. "And I think I'll just stick with you for today. I still have some stuff I wanna talk to you about."
"As you wish, m'lady" He said, spinning his arm and bowing dramatically. I laughed, dragging him up from the basement with me.
"Are you still..." I asked tentatively, fumbling with the sleeves of my pyjama top when I realised I probably should have dropped the topic for now. Wow, way to be a buzzkill, September.
"Oh- uh- yeah, just less so, my body's uh, functioning properly because theres still stuff in uh, in my bloodstream..."
"Depedancy." I said, smiling pathetically. "Now, about that ice cream..."

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this chapter is long af compared to the others in this story, you're welcome lmao.
this chapter was kinda weird, idk how i feel about it.