Life as a Minecraft Mob

Neapolitan

A/N: This was written before 1.8 and mutton hadn't been added yet.

So you're probably wondering why this is called Neapolitan. Well, it's simple. I'm a pig, and I'm the strawberry. The sheep is the vanilla, and the cow is the chocolate.

We lead simple lives. Every day follows the same routine. Walk around aimlessly, maybe play a game of poker, then walk around some more. We chase each other around, jump and skip around gleefully.

Just kidding. We're too fat to jump and skip.

But seriously, all we do is walk around all day. Until a human kills us.

I wouldn't actually mind death. It's almost a good thing, something to escape from this boredom. Some pigs say that when you die, you go to pig heaven. I don't believe in that. I think that instead of heaven, we go to hell. Nobody agrees with me though. They just punch me on the shoulder and say, "Dude, stop being so depressing, man!"

I suppose they're right. I'm a bit of an emo pig. I have to do something to fill the time, and my way of doing that is to be depressed. I'm not a masochist though. The humans can cut for me.

Once there was a huge thunderstorm. The lightning smashed, and crashed, and hit one of my friends. We were horrified, and thought he was done for. But instead, he transformed into a zombie. Well, he was like a zombie, except he still had some of the skin of a pig. And he was holding a golden sword.

Of course, we were terrified. But he seemed to be the same inside, and he was just as confused and scared as we were. So we lived together for a while, until a human came and killed him. It spared us, though, for some reason. Maybe it wasn't hungry.

I'm not scared about death, unlike the others. Everyone must die someday. And my fate is likely to be the same as the others - death by humans.

~o~O~o~

I'm the vanilla in the Neapolitan. I don't really have any complaints, to be honest. My life is pretty good.

Since we only drop one piece of wool when we die, humans tend not to kill us. Instead, they use their shears to cut off more wool than we would drop. It's much better for both parties to do this.

So how do we die? Well, there are many ways. Lightning, creepers, fire... the list goes on and on. Sometimes humans kill us for no reason, which is annoying.

But usually we just stay living. Wool isn't used for much, and as I said before, they normally use their shears anyway.

I wonder what happens after death. I'm an atheist sheep, (yes, sheep can be religious too,) and I think that when you die, you die. That's it.

The Christian sheep think that after death, we go to sheep heaven. But if you're bad, then you go to sheep hell. You also go to sheep hell if you don't believe in Christianity.

They keep on trying to convert me, but I always say no. I don't believe in Notch, or Herobrine. I don't think there's an almighty being controlling us from above.

I don't have a problem with religious sheep, though. Every sheep is welcome to believe whatever they want to believe, and I respect that. But don't try to convert sheep. I'm an atheist, and that's that.

~o~O~o~

Chocolate is everyone's favourite, right? And the humans certainly think so. After all, we're the ones who are the most useful.

Us cows always get the short end of the stick. If a human had to choose between all the different peaceful mobs, they would almost definitely choose us.

We have steak, which the humans can eat. We have leather, which the humans can wear. And we have milk, which the humans can drink.

Why do we have to be the ones with all the resources? It's not fair. Animals like the sheep only have one resource they drop, and they don't even need to be killed for that.

If only we could attack the humans. Unfortunately, we're peaceful mobs. I envy the hostile mobs. Sure, they could easily kill me in a couple of hits, but you don't have to be afraid of the creepers and like if you watch out for them.

Sometimes I wish I could hurt the humans. They think they're so high and mighty, being able to kill anything, even the creepers. But I'd teach them a lesson. I'd kick them in the face and knock off their precious armour.

Sadly, I can't. I just stand here uselessly while the humans murder me. My life has to end someday. And it'll almost definitely be from the humans.