Cupid Collections

27. Nate - 9: No More Lies (CGD)

This is it. This will be the end of it all. I just have to say those three words. I said them once before, why were they so hard now?

Lily’s brown eyes blinked without emotion. She kept her arms crossed and her body turned away from me.

“Lily,” I began for the third time.

“I don’t know what you are going to say, but you cannot possibly make up for happened.”

Why couldn’t I just say it?

I knew why. Saying it could mean letting go of one thing that I didn’t. Saying it could mean forgetting Peyton… but maybe it was for the better. Forgetting her would mean forgetting a lot of pain and then I would never even know what any of the feelings she gave me were. But did I really want to live in a world where I didn’t know Peyton at all. It was almost better to live with the pain than to live without the memory. Or was it?

There was no easy answer.

“Lily…I love you.” Lily’s face dropped at my words and her expression turned to one of confusion. The weight that was supposed to be lifted off of my shoulders felt momentarily lifted.

“What?”

With that one word, the weight hit me once again with full force. That wasn’t supposed to be her response. She was supposed to be happy. Everything was supposed to be fixed.

“How could you possibly say that after our fight?”

“I…I don’t know. It came to me after all of it. I was just thinking about-”

“About?” Lily promoted after a moment of stunned silence.

Peyton. I hadn’t forgotten her which had to mean that…

“I don’t love you.”

Lily’s jaw dropped slightly and her stance fell. “What?”

The sudden realization hurt worse than the feeling from before. Now it was true… it was never Lily.

“I’m sorry,” I said immediately. “I know this is confusing to you but I was confused too. I think I just figured it all out though.”

“Oh?” Lily asked. “You’ve come to insult me more in my own home? I thought our relationship was over, Nate. What are you trying to do now?”

“Figure things out,” I muttered under my breath.  “I’m really sorry, Lily. I know these past few months have been full of ups and downs…but in the end, I think we’re both better for it.”

Lily’s expression neither fell nor lifted. It just stayed stoic.

“I’m going to ask you to leave now,” she said. “For good.”

I glanced around her living room unsure of where to go next. I stood from my spot on the couch and made my way to the door. Giving one last glance toward Lily, she snuffed her nose in the air and turned away from me. Leaving her home, I felt like a real ass. She had every reason in the world to hate me and I was sure that she did.

That was no longer my main concern though. I had to do something now. I had to find Peyton. I had to tell her what happened. I had to know what that meant. I had to tell her that I loved her.

Outside of Lily’s home, I stood on the street. What did Peyton do to get that cab? Just stand on the street and call for one and it would just know…right?

I leaned on the curb and signaled for a cab. One pulled over to the curb after a few minutes and I greedily opened the door. However, I was disappointed to find an unfamiliar driver in the front. I apologized to the driver and closed the door without getting inside. After he drove out of view, I signaled for another cab but was met with the same unfamiliar driver. After my fifth failed attempt, I accepted the ride back to my own place.