35: Good Feelings

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You never realize how depressing waking up alone is until you expect someone to be there when you wake. I know I didn’t. Not until my eyes fluttered open to the sight of a closed door and an empty room. When Logan had left I wasn’t quite sure. What I did know was that he was no longer in the room. I was alone.

I sat up slowly, surprised that I was still in the same position I’d fallen asleep in. Usually I move a lot in my sleep. I roll this way and that. It’s part of why Maver became a cuddler; to keep me in place. He was so unlike his brother.

Maver didn’t sexually harass me. Never once did he do anything to make me uncomfortable on purpose. The boy understood my comfort zone perfectly. Granted he got a little touchy feely sometimes, especially when drunk, he generally knew how to behave himself. Not like Logan.

Nor would he just dip on me in the morning.

I sighed, pushing the comparison of the two from my head. Thinking about it wouldn’t get me anywhere. Yet I couldn’t help but frown as I thought about how warm he’d been keeping me as I slept. Now the air did have a little bit of a chill to it. What I was feeling must have just been from the chill, not that I was slightly disheartened that he wasn’t there when I woke. No, definitely not.

It took me a moment to realize that I had willingly put on Logan’s boxers last night. I’d been so tired I hadn’t even tried to object. Now, as I stared down at my athletic legs, I wondered if maybe at some point I’d lost my mind.

First I trusted him enough to take me out late last night. Without any knowledge of where we were going I let Logan pick me up to bring me to his work. What if he’d been a drug runner? It wasn’t that farfetched of an idea .I could have put myself into danger by going with him.

Then I went and stayed at his side the whole night. Not once did I consider telling him to take me home. Instead I partook in meeting all of his friends. We spent hours just spending time at the races. Races, which may I add, weren’t legal in the slightest. That was another risk in itself.

Then I agreed to sleep in a bed with him? Where had my mind gone for that one? Surely far far away. How I could have ever thought that a safe idea was beside me. Never in a million years would I make that mistake again. Sharing a bed with that asshole was the biggest mistake I’d made in a long time.

And it wasn’t just because I’d woken up alone. Waking up in a large empty bed when I expected someone there wasn’t that big a deal. I mean really, it was Logan. It didn’t hurt at all. I just felt so rotten because I’d in the bed in the first place. Yes, that was it.

I looked up, startled as the door was opened. I’d been so busy feeling sorry for myself I hadn’t thought to climb from the bed. In fact, I was tempted to stay in it to sleep some more. Maybe I’d wake up to a better scenario the next time?

Logan pushed through the door, his eyes seeking me out quickly. The moment he did the classic smirk spread across his lips. “Finally awake?”

“Yeah,” I responded, my answer short and to the point. I didn’t want to be upset with him, but I couldn’t help it. I didn’t want to admit that I’d almost looked forward to waking up to him still with me.

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