Breaking Hope (Finding Sky edit)

Chapter 7

The conversation between Oscar and I was on repeat for the rest of the weekend leading into Monday morning. I couldn't even shake the feeling he was drawing something out of me. That night, I went home with a stinking headache which lingered no matter how many painkillers I had taken. What was he on about? Why did I have to be careful at night? Why did he tell me against his inner judgement and more importantly how did he know? I text Ella that night when she got off work, asking if Oscar was okay and she apologised for his irrational behaviour but refused to say anything more on the subject. So was the whole thing a lie? Was the whole "be careful at night" warning a fake, simply to make myself look ditzy or did it have a more sincere reason behind it?

Still mulling Monday morning, I sat next to Lauren in the auditorium. As Lauren was part of the arty lot within the school, she was always called in to make the set for the school musical that was due to come up in January. I had joined her, saying I can help her paint and design but really I just didn't want to go to lessons alone. We decided to sit high up in the auditorium seating arrangement, looking down on the stage where the cast on the musical was rehearsing. From up here, we can see everyone on stage, but due to the strong lighting focusing on them, they could barely see us. I did notice Ella wandering around in the same black camisole and leggings that the other cast was in.

'So what are you thinking of set wise?' I asked Lauren, re-adjusting my weight in the chairs so I can look over her shoulder. On her lap, she held a textbook with a few pieces of paper which she has various stage designs she had drawn.

'Oh, so now you're paying attention.' Lauren replied laughing slightly, drawing some raised staging on the right side of the stage, with a small stair case coming from it, 'I asked why you were so distracted.'

'It's nothing.' I whispered, taking out my pad of paper and doodling.

'You have been dazed out for nearly twenty minutes, something must be bothering you. Is anyone taking the mick out of you? Because if they are I will...'

'No, it's not like that.' I told her. 'Saturday evening I went for a walk and ended up at the ghost town at the top of town and I saw Oscar and he told me to be careful going out at night. No context, just that.' I confessed to her, watching as Ella looked up when she heard her brother's name, but immediately zoned out and going back off stage for a moment.

'Dunno. That boy is weird. I wouldn't think too much over it, and I most definitely wouldn't daydream about his gorgeous face for hours on end.' Lauren said, taking the mick out of me. I carried on doodling. I couldn't tell her about the whole drawing-something-out-of-me, because then I would seem really delusional. However, as I mulled this comment over, the lights went darker and the spotlight went onto Ella on stage. I pulled on my phone from my jacket pocket and used it as a light to look at my drawing, but nothing prepared me for Ella singing.

I wasn't really paying attention to the play, but I had got that the character Ella was playing was heavily bullied and is now standing on her own, mulling over her own past too much. I could relate to that. In England, I had always been bullied. Not like beaten up during break and lunchtime, but more verbal bullying. The whole saying of "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me" was bullshit. Sure, being beaten up is horrible and no one can prepare you for that torture but in time, wounds will heal, and broken bones will mend. But the psychological aspect will always hurt. It will always remain, like a haunting, dark cloud constantly putting you down. A constant reminder. No matter how many times you try and forget the comments, the comments people always tell you won't hurt you, they come biting back. Peers and kids alike made comments of the way I look, my shyness not helping the matter. I hid from their comments, rather than try and argue back at them. People had always told me to ignore the bullies and they would get bored and leave me alone, but if anything they multiplied. I had a group of good friends I could hide in, but that didn't stop in lessons where I found myself alone. I had to deal with stupidity and ignorance, as well as all the comments I had about my adoption, with teens telling me I was adopted because my parents realised how ugly and stupid I was before anyone else did. I had boys yelling at me from across the room about my adoption, about how unloved I was. I didn't argue back, because how could I stick up for parents who left me for dead in a car park? I kept my mouth shut, head down, nearly in tears in lessons. I felt worthless. One of the reasons I was petrified of moving countries was I wouldn't have any group of friends to shelter from within the first few days. Thankfully, that fear had evaporated when I met Lauren, then Amy and then Ella. And the only comments that were flying around were about the cheerleading, but it seemed more friendly than bitter. So far, I felt like I had managed to fit in.