MORE.//XXXTENTACION

Very Rare Freestyle.

I stared attentively at my phone while in the dimly lit restaurant, my lemon drop-sitting and awaiting to be sipped on as an honorary ode to my 21st birthday.  I couldn't take my eyes off the flyer marked with a three-week-old post date on my explore page. Reading... 

VERY RARE PRESENTS: VERY RARE THE TOUR 

HEADLINING: XXXTENTACION, Ski Mask the Slump God, and MORE 

I hadn't spoken to him in months, we were going into the fourth month of no communication and so much had changed since then. I wasn't sure whether to reach out or not, but, I always had that lingering thought of..."If he wanted to, he would.". Then again, he was a busy man, but I also had to quit making excuses for things that I wasn't okay with. We all have lives, I mean, if he wanted to reach out to me..he would. 

I cared for him deeply and I respected the space and honesty he gave me from the last time we spoke, but, there were still lingering feelings. The dates on the call log went back further and further as the days went by, his name going further and further down the log from other contacts calling me. 

Text message threads going stale completely, fading into there being absolutely nothing to talk about anymore. To the point where if the conversation were to be picked back up again, it wouldn't make any sense due to the time in between. I didn't understand this heavy feeling for a man that I really didn't know all that well, everything simply started off as vibes. 

Yet, here he is...occupying my mind on my 21st birthday where I am supposed to be happy, at peace, and out having fun with the poeple who actually care about me. 

"Vanity! You good? We're on our 3rd lemon drop and you look like you barely took a sip..." My friend Ava said, Ava was a really cool influencer I met while out in Bali. She was out doing some traveling and vlogging content, we immediately hit it off after learning we were both from Florida and also the only two americans out there at that moment. 

She flew out from California to hang out with me and my friends for my birthday but my attention was going elsewhere and I was beginning to feel guilty, so I quickly snapped out of it. 

"Yea...Yes! i'm sorry, I just kinda zoned out for a sec." I said with a light smile, trying so desperatley to reassure them so they don't suspect anything. Especially Ginger since I could feel her eyes burning into my head. 

I quickly downed my lemon drop and was welcomed with warm cheers and hoots from my friends as I guess I had been babysitting for quite some time. 

"Finally! We can actually get the party started, you all warmed up and ready now!" Said Shy. They then called over the waiter quickly ordering two more rounds of lemon drops so that I could catch up. 

"So...what's the moves for the night since ya'll kindapped me to this fancy restaurant and now you're trying to get me drunk!" I said with a small smile as I crunched on the kale side salad I had ordered with my steak. 

"Wellll...I thought maybe we could go to a little concert.." Said Ava with a small smirk on her face, I lifted my eyebrows as she placed the phone in my face showing the exact flyer that had me stuck on my drink for 15 minutes. 

As Ava was new to the friend group, she had no idea what I had endured with that man before meeting her. That he was the one who gave me my first tattoo, my first real feeling of love, and almost my first hearbreak. I wasn't sure how I felt about seeing him again whether it was up close or in the crowd. 

"I've been listening to him for months, his music is soo fucking good! I though it'd be great, especially since he's performing at our favorite club AND I have a hookup who kinda already got us tickets." She said with a smile as she sipped her drink